Somewhere Over the Sun
by R. M. Jackson
Summary: Sequel to The Rest of the Sun Belongs to Me. Set 3 weeks later. Jess is getting back on his feet while Rory starts to spiral away. What will happen once Jess and Rory attempt to merge their lives during a problematic time? AU LITERATI/splash of Javajunkie
1. Time to Break Free

Drumroll, please! (Or is it a helicopter?) Yes, this really is the sequel to The Rest of the Sun Belongs to Me. No, your eyes are not deceiving you! This story takes place about three weeks after The Rest of the Sun Belongs to Me ended. There isn't too much to note, and if there were anything else important, I probably would have mentioned it by now. 

Just a quick thanks to my friend Jessica. If she let me go to sleep at 12:30AM, this chapter probably would not exist in its current state. I wrote it at 3:00 in the morning. : ) I love you!

Also, a quick acknowledgement to the reviewers of chapter eleven: _Loridhhp, Kassandra27, hollowgirl22, ShaolinQueen, DiehardJavaJunkie14, LorLukealways, Jeremy Shane, Sailor-Lit, Faulty Cameras, Kemowitch92, gilmorefanforever, imcck, Phoebegirl319, Curley-Q, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, JESSandRORYforever, blonde-biatch, gilmoreintraining, Aquarius Angel, TwistOftheScarlettRose, gg-ghgrl775, Katherine Tripp, and CherryWolf713_. I hope you find this story.

Disclaimer: It still isn't mine. What a surprise. Title comes from a Crystal Eyes song. That isn't mine either.

* * *

**Time to Break Free**

"Coffee?" The heavy-eyed young man that had previously been sleeping perked up. He ruffled his hair and looked into his girlfriend's crisp blue eyes. Standing in his doorway was Rory Gilmore with two take out cups of coffee in hand.

"Mmhm. Bless you." Jess gratefully accepted the coffee from Rory and felt the warmth of the cup on his fingers.

"Careful, it's hot," she warned. Her lips curved up in a smile as she took a sip of her own coffee.

Playfully, Jess stuck his tongue out at her. "How are classes going?" he asked, sitting up in bed.

"Oh, good. Everything's good." Rory licked the edge of her cup and pulled a chair up to her bed. "Have you been getting out of bed?" she asked.

"I've been walking all this week," Jess answered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rory asked excitedly.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I knew you were coming to my therapy session today, and I wanted you to see me walk." Jess smiled and put his cup down on the night table. "It's been three weeks. It's about time I started walking."

"Jess," Rory whispered as she tousled his hair, "you've been doing so well. You recovered from that infection when no one thought you would. We're together, you're walking, everything is perfect."

"I just wanted to be home by now. I'm not going to be able to finish all the work from school that has collected." He groaned. "I'll probably have to pay for another semester."

"It's all behind us, Jess. You're walking! You're mobile. You're coming home soon." Beaming with delight, Rory kissed Jess on the lips.

Jess nodded in agreement and took another sip of his coffee before placing it on the table once again. "I know it's a lot to ask since this is the first time you've been able to come from New Haven this week…" Jess shifted to get comfortable. "But can I rest?" he asked meekly, instantly regretting the tone.

Rory caught the submissive look in his eyes. "Yes. No, of course you can rest! Do you want me to leave?" she asked.

Smiling, Jess took Rory's hand. "No. Actually, if I moved over a little…" Jess scooted his slight frame against the guardrail. "Come here," he demanded softly. Rory placed her own cup aside and eased her body into the small hospital bed. "Comfy?" he asked, stroking her hair.

Tucking her body into the curve of his, she nodded. "Perfect," she added as he kissed the top of her head.

* * *

"He's doing great, Mr. Danes. We'll probably discharge him on Monday. It's a few days away from now," Eric Daniels needlessly added. He capped his pen and stood to shake Luke's hand. "After all he's been through, Jess is recovering quickly." 

"It's good to hear," Luke said as he shook hands with the attending head therapist.

"Did you have any last questions?" Eric asked as they began to walk toward room 207.

"Is there anything special I need to do for his return home?" Luke asked, unsure why he hadn't posed the question beforehand. He was never any good around doctors of any kind, especially in a hospital setting.

"We do recommend he stay off stairs for another week. However, your apartment does have a staircase?" Eric flipped through his notes once more.

"They're not bad steps," Luke said. "I'll keep him in the apartment for a while." Luke had completely forgotten about the stairs. Jess had just started walking that week, but he was not quite ready to tackle an incline or stairs. Inwardly, he groaned. There was no way he was prepared to care for his nephew.

"Okay. Was there anything else?" Eric asked once more, this time with impatience wedged in his voice.

"No," Luke said quickly. He had a feeling the doctor wanted to leave for the afternoon by the way he was hurrying him. "We'll be fine," he added as an afterthought.

"All right then. Cecile will be in around four this afternoon. She will take Jess walking. You're more than welcome to attend his therapy session."

"I'll be here," Luke said. He had been with Jess for most of the week. Four times so far, he had gone walking with his nephew.

"Let me know if you need anything else," Eric said before leaving Luke alone in front of room 207.

Luke hesitated for a second before opening the door. Since it was a Saturday, Rory was apt to be back from New Haven. Jess missed Rory more now that her classes had started up again. Her schedule was so full she could barely handle life outside of Yale. Although Luke knew Jess understood, he still longed for her company while she was away.

Tentatively, he reached for the door handle once more. When he peered inside, he noticed both Rory and Jess in the small hospital bed, their bodies curled together in an embrace. Jess was snoring lightly as he held Rory in his arms. Luke smiled. It was great that everything was working out for the two of them. He had never wished them anything but peace and happiness. Lorelai was not quite as persuaded of the reconciliation as he had been. Convincing Lorelai that Jess had grown up made him realize how much he was rooting for the two kids to get back together. Sighing, Luke shut the door and walked down the hallway. He would pop back around four to observe his nephew's therapy, but now was Rory's time with him.

* * *

Rory traced the stubble that adorned Jess's jaw line. On a typical day, the attending nurse would get Jess out of bed and wheel him to the bathing area. Normally, Jess would shave during his allotted showering time. Today, he didn't feel like it. Rory knew he claimed that statement because Jess was secretly aware of how much she adored his rough face. Carefully, she slid her fingernail around his chin. 

"Hey," he whispered groggily.

"Did I wake you?" she asked. Rory knew how much sleep Jess needed in order to function recently. The last thing she wanted was for him to be tired.

"No. It's okay." He nuzzled her neck and held her close.

Sighing, Rory traced her nail down his shoulder.

"You're killing me," he said deeply. A smile played on Rory's lips as she ran her nail down his chest.

"How's your scar?" she asked suddenly, retracting her finger.

She was met with a chuckle. "Way to destroy the mood, Gilmore." Lightly, Jess kissed Rory on the lips. "It's not really a scar yet. They just took the stitches out a week and a half ago. It didn't help that they were inflamed for a while," he answered. "It's more of a scabby region. My rate of healing has gone down."

"You poor thing," Rory cooed playfully as she smoothed his hair down. Jess grumbled and kissed Rory again. "I know I promised to not press the issue, but have you talked to your mom at all?"

Jess sighed heavily and Rory immediately knew she had hit a nerve. "Four days ago, actually," he answered. "Luke instructed her to check in periodically."

"Thoughtful."

"Useless," Jess grunted. He had a perfectly good reason to be exasperated with his mother. She had shown up shortly after the accident, but then left abruptly. Luke hoped she would return, but Liz never showed. There had been pent up resentment for Liz lurking in his system before, but now Jess had no problem displaying his hostility. Anytime he could, Jess would attack Liz for something she had done wrong. Before, he allowed bygones to be bygones and let it go. Liz may have messed up before, but he didn't dwell on her problems before the accident.

"Any thought of coming back to see how you're doing?"

"Probably thoughts, but there's no reason to come down now. It's not like I'm dying or anything," he spat bitterly.

Rory nodded in agreement. She had definitely hit a sore spot in mentioning Liz. "Do you want to talk about something else?"

Shaking his head, Jess leaned over and kissed Rory. "Just be here with me. I need you," he whispered.

Rory resumed stroking his bristly cheek. "I love you," she said.

Before the accident, neither Jess nor Rory said "I love you" very often. Mostly it was the brusque sentiment Jess still harvested. After a while, Rory became accustomed to not voicing how much she loved Jess. Instead, she did exactly what he did. Jess preferred to show Rory how much he loved her, rather than pass off actions and put it in words. The only time words were difficult for Jess when Rory was involved. He had a tendency to trip over his words. Jess could cook quite well, and he credited Luke for embedding the ability in his mind. Rory definitely couldn't complain. Every so often, Jess would set up candles around the apartment and slave over a giant three-course meal. He tried to make everything Rory liked, and a few things she had never tried. During their meals together, Rory felt like royalty. Often times, the night would lead further, usually to the bed in his corner of the room, where Jess showed Rory how much he loved her with his body.

"I love you too," he responded.

After the accident, though, was a different story. Jess no longer considered saying "I love you" as a passé means to show affection. He had developed a new appreciation for the three little words. At first, he thought it was simply because he was not strong enough at the moment to show Rory how much he loved her. When it came down to it, he just really liked the sound of her voice when she whispered sweet nothings in his ear. There were times when Jess considered it a bit corny, but he continued to say "I love you."

Rory snuggled into the crook of his arm. "I want to stay like this forever," she said contently.

Jess smiled. "Me too," he said before kissing her lightly on the nose. He sighed and watched as Rory started to fade off to dreamland. A few minutes ago, he wanted to sleep more than anything else, but at that moment, all he wanted was to look at Rory. He hated being cooped up in the hospital, but it didn't matter at that moment. As long as he had Rory Gilmore by his side, there was nothing to worry about any longer.


	2. Battle Against Time

I'm back with the next chapter! Sorry it has taken so long to crank out chapters this week. My mom had some appointments this week and the boy is back from college on spring break, so my writing time has temporarily decreased. Don't fret, though, new chapters of everything are coming soon.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter: DiehardJavaJunkie14, ShaolinQueen, TwistOftheScarlettRose, S.Mariano, gilmoreintraining, JESSandRORYforever, Curley-Q, gilmorefanforever, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, Kassandra27, Loridhhp, CherryWolf713, and lillitgirlx2.

Disclaimer: You obviously kid. Mine? Never!

* * *

**Battle Against Time**

"And lean on the cane for support!" his physical therapist demanded. "Try to keep your weight off that bad leg right now."

Luke sat silently next to Rory as Jess started down the hallway. He was walking slowly, but he was having a hard time maneuvering the cane. The four-pronged metal walking stick was obstructing his path, making it hard for him to walk in a straight line.

"That's a little better," Cecile said comfortingly. "We're going to continue building your endurance daily. I hope that when you leave on Monday you will be getting around better. By then, I can retire this cane and send you home with a standard one. I promise it will be easier to use. We'll try one of those out tomorrow. I think your biggest problem is that the base of the cane is getting in the way."

Jess nodded in agreement. "How long do I have to use the cane for?" he asked.

His therapist's green eyes softened as she ran her fingers through choppy red hair. "It depends, Jess. You should not have to walk with a limp. I don't think the cane will be permanent, but you might want to walk with it for at least two to three months."

"That's a long time," Luke cut in.

"Considering how long it took Jess to get to this point in his recovery, it isn't that long."

Luke nodded. He didn't understand some things with Jess's treatment. The time increments of healing were part of what made him confused. "As long he gets better."

"He's doing a great job. Soon he'll be able to stay awake for more than two hours at a time," Cecile joked.

Jess cracked a smile and looked back at Rory. Instead of joining the brief meeting, she stayed sitting in the metal folding chair a few feet away. "Speaking of that," he hinted.

"That's right. Nap time!" Cecile joked again. "Rory, can you unfold the wheelchair for Jess?"

Rory unfolded the wheelchair and wheeled it toward Jess. Gratefully, he sunk into the chair and tilted his head back to look at Rory. She was beautiful, and he loved her more than he could ever have imagined.

Wheeling Jess back to his room was a silent process. Rory didn't say anything, which allowed Jess to snooze for a few minutes before getting back in bed. "Okay, here we are," Rory whispered as she wheeled Jess to the bed. Wordlessly, she assisted a tired Jess out of the chair and into his bed. She kissed his forehead lightly as she watched him drift off to sleep. He looked so unhealthy. Rory couldn't wait until he was able to come home so she could take care of him.

"I'm going to study for a little while. Do you want me to stay here, or go home?" she asked.

"Don't be silly," he mumbled. "Stay here with me."

Smiling, Rory nodded and reached for her backpack to pull out a textbook. Every couple of minutes, her eyes would drift from the book to Jess. While he slept, he looked peaceful. Sometimes when he was frustrated with therapy or anything in general, a scowl would work its way to his lips. This afternoon, a slight smile graced his mouth. It looked good on him, and after three rigorous weeks of therapy, Rory was glad it resided there.

* * *

The ride home was silent. Luke had to lift Jess up in order to get him in the truck. He cursed mutely and wished he had accepted the use of Rory's car. She had insisted Luke take the Prius so that Jess would not have to attempt the climb into Luke's front seat. Looking back on it, he realized Rory made more sense than he thought. Now, he was kicking himself for not letting Rory loan him the car.

"Comfortable?" Luke asked nervously. Jess was starring at the road ahead while Luke spoke.

"I'm fine," he said. Jess wasn't exactly sure how much information he should release to his uncle. At this point in his recovery, Luke would fret about anything that went wrong.

"You look thin," Luke noted as Jess pushed the shirtsleeve up his skinny arm. His biceps used to bulge with muscle, but the tone has vanished long ago.

Before the accident, Jess was in the best shape of his life. Rory used to tease him about his daily trips to the gym, but it had paid off. Jess knew he had been strong and muscular at one point, but now he was skin and bones. It was something Luke did not need to throw in his face so often. He had lost an incredible amount of weight, and good quantity of it had been muscular tissue. "Food sucked," Jess answered casually.

Luke nodded. Jess was touchy when it came to his weight now. He despised when anyone, especially Rory, mentioned how skinny he was. It tore him to shreds and caused him to throw his anger around at others. "I'll make you something edible when we get back to Stars Hollow."

"Okay."

Luke noticed Jess looking out the passenger window. He knew Jess was hiding his sadness from him, and he couldn't shake the infantile glint residing in his nephew's brown eyes. He felt him drifting away, even though he was getting better by the day. All he needed was some time at home. Hopefully, he would get fully on his feet shortly.

The conversation had obviously faded, but Jess longed to thank Luke for standing by him during his lengthy healing period. The words weren't coming to his lips in time to voice his thanks.

"We're almost home," Luke said in attempt to bring the bonding back to the ride home.

"Thought it looked familiar," Jess said simply, not looking away from the window.

Luke sighed and hoped Jess wouldn't continue to be monosyllabic and indifferent while he was upstairs. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" Luke asked in a futile attempt to hook Jess in the conversation that didn't seem to be taking flight.

"No, I'm okay," he answered. Luke took his eyes off the road for a minute to study Jess. He hadn't turned away from the window yet. "Uh, there's one thing," he mentioned feebly.

"What's that?" Luke asked, hoping that Jess wasn't in pain.

"Thanks."

"Thanks? Thanks for what?" Luke asked, astounded that the word had come from his nephew's lips.

"You know. Everything. This." Jess finally shifted in his seat to look at Luke.

"You're family. You're my nephew," Luke answered, as if to reason with Jess's statement.

"So is Liz, but you didn't see her stick around for very long," Jess spit back.

Luke nodded. He wasn't in the mood for a shouting match concerning his sister. "I get it."

"Here we are," Jess mentioned as Luke parked the truck in front of the diner. "There's no way to go in without everyone in town seeing me, is there?" he asked meekly.

"Don't worry about it. We're closed, and Rory's upstairs straightening up your room." Luke noticed the pained look on Jess's face subsided.

"Okay."

Luke lowered himself to the ground and took out Jess's wheelchair. "I'm going to have to lift you again," he warned Jess.

"It's fine." His uncle lifted him out of the seat with ease and assisted him in the chair. "What about the stairs?" he asked anxiously. There were a few steps leading to the apartment that Jess knew he would be unable to get past.

"Don't worry about it," Luke said, knowing he would have to carry Jess up the stairs. Slamming the door, Luke turned to find townspeople rushing toward them.

"Might want to worry about that, though," Jess said smartly.

* * *

"It's so good to be home, especially here with you," Jess said softly to Rory. They were stretched out in his bed comfortably. He leaned over and kissed his girlfriend long and hard.

"I wanted to ask you about something," Rory said after the kiss was broken.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I found this while I was unpacking earlier," Rory said as she opened his desk drawer. The familiar blue envelope had his name written across the front in faded letters. "I thought you were going to open this."

"Didn't feel like it." Jess shrugged and attempted to brush her off.

"Come on, Jess. It's from your father. Shouldn't you at least hear him out?"

Mumbling under his breath, Jess ripped the seal of the envelope with his index finger. He pulled the thick "get well soon" card from the envelope and a hand written letter fell from the confines.

"What's it say?" Rory asked as Jess scanned the letter.

"It's my dad," he said, his voice faltering. He had obviously never had a chance to have a relationship with his father, but Jess close to losing him at that moment. "I should call him," he said numbly, reaching for the cordless phone by his bed. Bouncing from the number listed on the card to the keypad on the phone, Jess prayed Jimmy would answer.


	3. In the Distance

Okay. Jess opens the letter. This chapter leans more on the angst side, but I promise it's not quite as riddled with it as **The Rest of the Sun Belongs to Me.**

Thank you everyone who reviewed chapter two: Loridhhp, ShaolinQueen, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, CherryWolf713, DiehardJavaJunkie14, Curley-Q, gilmoreintraining, gilmorefanforever, lillitgirlx2, and Environmentalist.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

* * *

**In the Distance**

"Jess?" Rory grabbed the letter from his hands as the phone continued to ring. Quickly, she tried to scan the note before Jess snatched it from her. Stunned, she looked up at him. He was frantically redialing the number.

"Sasha?" he asked, obviously replying to her greeting.

Rory turned her head again at the sound of his voice.

"How long did you know?" he pressed. After a long pause, "Oh." His knuckles whitened as he gripped the phone tighter. "I'm sorry," he whispered. The off button beeped under his finger. Before Rory could say anything, Jess heaved the phone at the wall where it shattered on contact.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and started fishing thought the set of drawers.

"Jess?" Rory asked. She didn't receive and answer. "Jess?"

Jess blocked out her voice and instead stared at the blue Bic lighter in his hand. Sinking down to the floor, Jess slid his hand under the mattress and produced a worn pack of Camels. "Rory, I need to be alone now," he said steadily.

"Jess, what's wrong?" she asked, touching his shoulder.

"Rory, don't. Please, just leave." Jess grabbed his cane and hobbled over to the window.

"Jess, please…" Rory started.

"Go! Leave! I need to smoke and I can't have you here to see me smoke!" Jess yelled.

"Jess, you're not supposed to be smoking." Rory replied feebly. "Remember your lung…" She paused. "Please talk to me."

"I need a cigarette, Rory! Go outside!" Jess bellowed. He squeezed the battered pack of Camels tightly in his fist.

Rory backed away. "Don't be angry," she whispered.

Jess turned back to face Rory. "Rory, I love you. I need you to leave so I can smoke. I don't want to fight; I need a cigarette," he said calmly through clenched teeth.

Shaking her head, a frightened Rory opened the door and left Jess alone in the apartment. After she stepped out, Jess stumbled to the door and locked it. Staring at the cigarettes in his hand, Jess sunk to the floor and leaned against the wall. He flicked the lighter once, twice, three times before it lit. The smoke flowed gratefully into his lungs and filled his bloodstream with nicotine. He took a fourth and final puff before twisting the end with his fingers to put it out.

* * *

Rory threw her bag into the back seat of the car. "Why are you leaving now?" Lorelai asked.

"I have to go back to school," Rory replied as she opened the car door. "I'll be back this weekend." The door slammed shut and Rory backed out of the driveway before Lorelai could say anything else.

She diverted her eyes from the road for a moment to flip on the CD player. The Clash exploded through the speakers and Rory bit her lip as it vibrated in her ears. It was a CD Jess had made her before the accident. Reaching over, she shut the CD player off for a bit of much needed silence. She didn't understand him sometimes. Jess Mariano was a complicated person.

Gripping the steering wheel harder, Rory merged out of Stars Hollow. In the back of her mind, she knew leaving Jess was a bad idea. He didn't seem to want her around right now, and Luke was at his aid if he needed anything. It wasn't a selfish act, and she tried to convince herself of that. He yelled at her and demanded she leave. That was all she was doing; she was following directions.

Her cell phone trilled on the passenger seat, bursting through her thoughts. "Hello?" she answered. "Oh, hi Luke."

"Lorelai came by and said you left for New Haven about fifteen minutes ago."

"That's right. I'm on the highway."

"I need you to come back," Luke requested steadily.

"What? Why?" Rory pulled over to the breakdown lane to talk to Luke.

"Jess smoked a whole pack of cigarettes and he's having trouble breathing."

"A whole pack!" Rory exclaimed. "Why?"

"He wouldn't say, but it had something to do with a fight?" Luke answered, unsure of himself.

"I'm getting off at the next exit and turning around." Slamming the phone shut, Rory signaled out of the breakdown lane and sped off.

* * *

His breath was short and choppy. Jess was scared, but he didn't want to admit it to Luke. Luke, after all, was the one who wanted to call an ambulance. For some reason, his mind was convinced that one cigarette would do the trick. On cigarette was usually all he needed. Somehow, he worked his way through the whole pack. The next thing Jess remembered was Luke trying to peel him off the floor. Now, he was strewn across the bed with the blankets pulled up to his chin. He was gasping for breath, but it was getting better. His lungs were unforgiving. The warning given by the doctor to not smoke had gone ignored. The original four puffs could have been fine. Jess didn't need to be left incapacitated on the floor.

Luke was sitting on the couch with his head nestled in his hands. Jess had faded off a couple of times, but Luke hadn't left the room once. He blinked, which momentarily cleared his vision.

The clatter of footsteps in the hallway caused Luke to look up from the floor. Rory burst through the door and gazed at his lethargic state. Jess had drilled her departure into his head until he needed to detach himself from the rest of the world. She approached the bed and slid her body under the covers, wrapping her arms around Jess.

"Jessie," she whispered in his ear. "What's wrong?" her voice was silky and smooth, but he could smell the salt across her cheeks.

"I'm fine," he replied shakily. Rory traced her finger around his hairline as he sighed. She could feel his body relax against hers.

"Why wouldn't you let Luke call an ambulance?" she asked.

Immediately, the tension flew back to his muscles. "I don't want to go back there."

"Okay." Rory stroked his dark hair while he hugged the pillow close to his body. "You wouldn't want to tell me what happened earlier, would you?"

Jess whimpered, causing Rory to sit up in surprised. "Jess…" she prompted. "Are you in pain?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Will you tell me what happened earlier? You know you're not supposed to be smoking. If you smoked a whole pack, it must have been something big." Rory smiled as Jess grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"I just…I," Jess paused to compose himself. He thought the words would come out the way he wanted. This wasn't a hard topic for him. He didn't even know his father. Jimmy Mariano abandoned him and then refused to get to know him. Why he was flooding his life now was beyond him.

"Jess?" Rory asked soothingly.

"Jimmy, my father, whatever you want to call him," Jess started again.

"Yes?"

Jess tried to spit the venomous words out. "He died."


	4. Food For the Gods

Sorry for my love affair of cliffhangers!

Thank you everyone who reviewed chapter three: Faulty Cameras, gilmorefanforever, DiehardJavaJunkie14, ShaolinQueen, gilmoreintraining, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, Kassandra27, CherryWolf713, Loridhhp, Curley-Q, kobrakai-kate, Environmentalist, lillitgirlx2, lukkygrl08, and JESSandRORYforever.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, and I probably never will.

* * *

**Food For the Gods**

It had been two hours since Jess fell asleep. Carefully, Rory rolled herself out of bed and kissed his cheek. It was nearing six in the evening, and Rory was starving. The upstairs apartment was dark and empty except for the two of them. Luke had obviously headed downstairs to the diner to deal with the dinner crowd. Rory opened the door and softly closed it before heading down the stairs.

"Hi, Rory," Luke greeted her as she emerged from behind the curtain. "Sorry I left you two alone up there. I needed to get started on the dinner rush."

"It's fine, Luke," Rory said lightly. "He's sleeping."

"Good. Good. That's good," Luke stuttered.

"So, his father is dead," Rory said, attempting to dive into a conversation that Jess would never have with her.

"That's what I heard," Luke said. "That's why his girlfriend delivered the note that said he was dying."

"Why didn't they just mail it?" Rory asked.

Luke put his face in his hands. "I called about the accident early on, when Jess had little chance of pulling through. I didn't think either of them would come, but I guess they proved me wrong," Luke said. "What I really want to know is where Jimmy got all that money from."

"What money?" Rory inquired. Jess had not said much since she arrived, and money certainly was not a topic that Jess would bring up.

"There's fifteen thousand dollars in an account waiting for Jess. Apparently, Jimmy set it up before he died. He wanted to make up for his mistakes like abandoning Jess and then driving him away."

"How do you know that?" Rory asked.

"I called Sasha. The number was on the inside of the card." Rory looked down at her hand and waited for Luke to continue. "She told me about the money. Jess doesn't know yet."

"How long ago? How long ago did he die?" Rory asked.

"Two weeks ago."

Rory toyed with the ends of her hair, unsure of what to say.

"Do you want some coffee?" Luke asked, holding the pot of regular and a blue mug.

"Please," Rory said, thankful for the coffee. "I'm going to get back to Yale soon. You don't think he's going to wake up in the next hour or so, do you?"

Luke sighed. "Hopefully I can get him to sleep for the whole night."

"I'll see about leaving in about two hours, then," Rory said. "I'm going to run by the house and say goodbye to my mom again. I'm actually surprised she isn't here yet."

"She left about twenty minutes ago. I didn't want to bother either of you by going back upstairs." Luke looked at Rory. "Thank you for today. For coming back and everything."

"It's never a problem, Luke. I love him," Rory said with a smile before sipping her coffee.

* * *

"Jeez. I leave you alone for three hours and you're up here being a walking catastrophe and making a ruckus. What the hell are you doing?" Luke stood in the doorway as he watched Jess maneuver a mixing bowl. 

"Baking," Jess said simply as he stirred the contents of the bowl with a spatula.

"Since when do you bake?" Luke asked as he eyed the kitchen table.

"I was bored." Jess shrugged.

"And you couldn't have just read a book?" Luke asked.

"I read them all," Jess said as he poured the brown mixture into a metal pan.

"You read every book in the apartment in three days?" Luke asked, shocked.

"There were only forty-five of them," Jess said indifferently as he opened the oven.

"Three days and forty-five books. How is that even possible?" Luke asked as he calculated it in his head.

"I was bored," Jess repeating, shrugging.

Rory crept up behind Luke and peered into the apartment. "Whoa. It looks like a bakery exploded in here!"

Jess scowled. "Why is everyone questioning my baking?" Rory walked over to the table and selected a muffin from one of the trays. Jess turned around as she took a bite. "Wait! Don't eat that!"

Rory spit the muffin out in a napkin. "Jess! What's in this thing? It's horrible!"

"You want some water?" Luke asked as he headed over to the refrigerator.

"Please!" Rory gasped, trying to get the taste out of her mouth. "What were you thinking when you made these?"

"That maple sugar, white chocolate, and three different fruits would taste good in a muffin." Jess gazed at the table. "I was wrong."

"I'll say!" Luke responded in disgust as he spit his muffin in the trash. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted.

"Gee, thanks. Rub it in a little more," Jess said as he hobbled over to the table so he could trash the tray of muffins.

"What about the rest of these?" Rory asked cautiously, eying the four other trays of muffins, a jar of cookies, and two plates of brownies.

"Those are fine." Jess studied the table harder. "I think. I didn't try all of them."

Rory retracted her hand from the brownies. "What did you try?" she asked.

"Uh, everything but those muffins over there," Jess said, not actually sure what he sampled.

"These aren't too bad! They're pretty good, actually," Luke complimented as he broke off another piece of the muffin.

"Well, you know. I had to do something productive," Jess said as he checked the timer on the oven. "You want warm raspberry chocolate brownies in a few minutes?"

"I love you," Rory said as she threw her arms around his neck.

"Okay. Well, you two have fun baking. Don't make any more of a mess!" he warned. Shaking his head, Luke traipsed downstairs to find Lorelai sitting at the counter. "Hi," he said gruffly, stretching across the counter to kiss her.

"Wow. Someone is in a good mood today," she mocked.

Sighing, Luke put his face in his hands. "Jess is driving me crazy! He's not well, and I get that. He's just so antsy that I don't know what to do with him. He won't sit still and he always needs to be doing _something_."

"What's he doing know?" Lorelai asked.

"Baking a lifetime supply of brownies, muffins, and cookies." Luke groaned. "He's read every book in the apartment, but can't still long enough to entertain the idea of television. I just don't know what to do with him!"

"Here's an idea. Have you asked him what he wants to do?" Lorelai questioned.

"It's Jess. Huh. I don't know. Whatever," Luke mocked.

"Ah. Okay. Have you tied him to a chair?" Lorelai asked.

"No! Why would I-oh, you were joking."

"Lighten up, Luke. He's going through recovery and the shock of his father's death. Plus, you have a gorgeous girlfriend that would happen to love a lifetime supply of brownies."

Luke sighed. "I just want him to be better."

"I know, but these things take time," Lorelai said as she leaned on the counter. "Now, what do you say? Coffee?"

"Sure. Coming right up."

"Have you told Jess about the money yet?" Lorelai asked as Luke filled a red mug to the brim with coffee.

"No. I don't know how to bring it up," he said. "I don't want to keep it from him. He could really use that money for college. Jess is so dead set about not having other people pay his way."

"You need to tell him," Lorelai said.

Luke sighed again. "I know I do. I just want him to adjust a bit first."

"Adjust how?"

"You know. He's going to be on certain medications for the rest of his life. I don't know why that would coincide with money issue, but it seems best if I tell him later." Luke looked toward the curtain that separated his work life from his personal life. "I don't know how much information he can handle at once. He flew off the deep end with the news of Jimmy's death and he barely knew him. Either there's something else bothering him or he's just being overly sensitive."

"Almost dying would do that to a person."

"I suppose." Luke looked at the clock. "I hope they're okay up there."

"Rory's upstairs?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah. She arrived about fifteen minutes ago.

"She didn't stop home first. I wonder if there's something bothering her," Lorelai wondered as she took another sip of coffee.

"Has anything out of the ordinary come up?" Luke asked.

"Not that I know of."

"She's probably just concerned about Jess," Luke said.

"That's right. It's the most logical thing," Lorelai responded. "Send her home tonight, please?"

"Sure." Luke kissed Lorelai and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I have to get back to the Inn. If she opts to stay with Jess tonight, there's room in my bed." Lorelai winked and blew Luke a kiss before leaving.

Smiling, Luke turned to the register and started to sort the cash.

"Luke?" a familiar voice asked.

Luke looked up from the stack of one-dollar bills he was counting. "What are you doing here?"


	5. This Sadness Alone

There's a warning for language in this chapter. It's not a whole lot, but there are some swears spread across the text. There is a flashback in italics. Jess is reflecting on this event, but does not go into detail as itmentions in the body of the chapter.

Thanks for all the reviews on chapter four: Loridhhp, gilmoreintraining, kathi-ryn, ShaolinQueen, JESSandRORYforever, lillitgirlx2, CherryWolf713 (I plan on averting the crisis as quickly and smoothly as possible), Curley-Q, DiehardJavaJunkie14, gilmorefanforever, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, Environmentalist, Kassandra27, and Danakin Skywalker.

Disclaimer: I never have and never will own Gilmore Girls.

* * *

**This Sadness Alone**

"Liz? What are you doing here?" Luke asked, dropping the stack of one-dollar bills back in the drawer.

"I'm here to see Jess," she said, setting a bag down on the counter.

"Wow, and that only took a month or so," Luke replied.

"Come on, big brother," Liz whined. "I just want to see my son."

"Why did you have to leave?" Luke asked. "Jess felt abandoned by his own mother. Not that it's anything new."

"I couldn't stay. It was complicated." Liz flinched.

"Oh, too complicated to tell the big brother that has bent over backward for your son? I'm more of a father to Jess than you ever were a mother," Luke sneered.

Rory caught wind of angry Luke and disappeared behind the curtain as quickly as she appeared. "Your mother's here!" she gasped to Jess.

"Liz? Why is Liz here?" he asked, packaging up another container of brownies.

"I don't know! I went downstairs to get that coffee and before I even made it to the counter, I heard Luke ripping apart the blonde woman in front of him. When he said the word "father," it finally clicked." Rory slid back into her seat at the table.

"Just have a brownie and I'll forget she was ever here. I don't foresee her staying too long, especially with Luke letting her have it." Jess yawned. "I think I'm going to take a nap," he said. "I feel so old now. I never slept this much before, did I?"

"It's okay. You're getting better and your immune system will be back to normal soon." Rory polished off another brownie and wiped her chocolaty fingers on a napkin. "Maybe I'll rest with you. We can talk," she hinted.

"Talk?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, we haven't had a good conversation in a long time," Rory said as she helped Jess out of his chair.

"There hasn't been much good to talk about," Jess reasoned.

"The topic doesn't have to be good for us to engage in a conversation," Rory replied. "For instance, tell me about your mother. You never open up about your life prior to Stars Hollow."

"For a good reason too. My childhood was shitty," Jess grumbled as he kicked his sneakers off so he could climb in bed.

"Talk to me about it. I hate that we've been together for so long and you won't open up to me," Rory complained lightly. "Maybe if you talk about it, you won't be so angry."

"Okay," Jess agreed. "Then tell me about your childhood. We have been lacking this type of conversation."

"Okay," Rory said.

Jess sighed and attempted to remember the dingy apartment in New York. He knew he would need to water down his experiences for Rory. 

* * *

_Eight year old Jess was flopped across his bed reading Oliver Twist._

_"Jess, you fucking little bastard!" A loud voice yelled from the hallway. Quickly, Jess checked the lock on his bedroom door. He could tell from the way she was slurring her words that his mother was drunk._

_"I know you're in there, you stupid little shit!" Liz banged on his door, causing young Jess to flinch every time. His mother was a small woman but, when she was drunk, it was a different story. Jess had always been short and skinny for his age and was easily intimidated by people that towered over him. His drunk, angry mother was one of those people._

_Jess pushed a few boxes out from under his bed to create a hiding place. It was only a matter of time before the weak lock on his door broke. As he was sliding under the bed, Liz finally broke the lock. Jess panicked and his heart raced in his chest._

_"This is all your fucking fault," Liz screamed, ripping the closet door open. Sometimes Jess would hide behind the clothes and boxes stored away in the closet. He cringed as he listened to Liz throw his belongings around the room. "Where the fuck are you?" she screamed. "If you weren't such a stupid, worthless, little shit, then Duncan wouldn't have left me!"_

_Jess stopped short. Duncan was his mother's latest flame. She made him promise to stay hidden in his room while Duncan was over and she was gone. Liz didn't want Duncan to know she had a son. _

_But Jess had to go to the bathroom. He could not hold it anymore, so he cautiously wandered to the bathroom at the end of the hall. After he flushed the toilet and started to head back to his room, Jess encountered a robust man in his path. He could only assume that this man was Duncan. "Please don't say anything," Jess whispered, his light voice faltering from the fear. He felt smaller than he had in a long time. After shaking for a moment, Jess dashed to his room and locked the door behind him._

_Liz was mad because Duncan had broken up with her. He must have figured out that Jess was her son, despite Liz's evident plea against the fact. The dust under the bed started to tickle his nose and, as hard he tried, Jess was unable to block the sneeze. Liz fished under the bed for her son's flailing ankle before pulling him out. "You always ruin everything for me!" she yelled, hitting him._

_"Mom!" he howled in a desperate attempt to get her to stop._

_"You were a fucking accident!" she yelled. "My life would have been better if you were never born!"_

_He willed himself not to cry, but did anyway. Hot tears welled in his eyes before sliding down his swollen cheeks. She was hurting him._

_His mother left him lying in a heap on his bedroom floor. Jess hugged his pillow tightly and let the pillowcase absorb the blood trickling from his broken lip. He flinched at the sound of her voice and trembled under her touch until he grew older. _

* * *

Jess sighed. "She used to get drunk and hit me sometimes. I could go as far as to say that she could beat the crap out of me when I was young and defenseless."

"How can you stand to look at your mother after what she did to you?" Rory asked, shocked that a mother could touch her son like that.

Shrugging, Jess slid under the covers. "That's why I didn't want to talk about it. It got better," he added.

"I guess it did," Rory said thoughtfully.

"As much as I liked the city, I couldn't stand living there with Liz. There are just some parts of my life you and Luke aren't supposed to know about." Jess scowled. "That was one of them. Don't say anything to Luke."

"I won't," Rory promised. 

"She was always drunk and always bringing men around. If she didn't hit me, they would. Believe me, being hit by a huge guy is more painful that being hit by a drunken mother." Jess sighed. "She taught me how to drink, how to smoke, which drugs were the best, and how to be a womanizer. I'm sure I wouldn't have had as many problems in life if I had a better mother." Jess sighed and snuggled closer to Rory. "Or if I had a father," he mumbled.

Rory tousled his dark hair and felt him gripping on to her. He may have come off as surly and impolite, but on the inside, he was still a little boy looking for love. She kissed him on the cheek and dragged the covers over both of their bodies. 

A knock on the door sounded two hours later. Rory stirred first and opened one eye. It wasn't yet dark, but the sun was starting the set. Stumbling out of bed, Rory tried to cover Jess with the blankets again. "Coming," she said softly and sleepily as she made her way over to the door. "Luke, it's your apartment. You don't need to knock," she said wearily and Luke entered the apartment.

"I just wanted to make sure no one was naked, or anything like that."

A smile crept on Rory's face. "No, nothing like that."

"Liz is downstairs," Luke whispered, checking to see if Jess was conscious.

Rory nodded. "What does she want?"

"She wants to see Jess."

"Why now?" Rory asked. "She's been away for so long; why the sudden interest?"

Luke shook his head. "I have no idea. She won't talk to me. She's drinking coffee and looks at me every time I pass her." Luke sat on the edge of his bed, causing it to squeak. Both Luke and Rory glanced over at Jess to make sure he wasn't stirring. "She won't even tell me why she left."

Rory sat on the sofa by Luke's bed. "I can't have any say in this," she said.

"I don't know what I should do," Luke said.

"Jess needs to know that she's here and then something needs to be worked out," Rory said. "If he wants to see her, you can't keep Liz from him." 

Nodding, Luke stood up. "Lorelai wanted you home tonight," he mentioned.

"I need to see her," Rory agreed. She slipped her shoes on before exiting the room. Passing through the diner, she tried to avoid eye contact with Liz. She would never see her in the same light, not with the story Jess told her. Rory blocked out the excess noise as she walked to her car. If she didn't end up coming back to the diner later that night, she would want her car with her. Starting the car up, Rory embarked on her short journey home.

"Honey, I'm home!" Rory yelled as she shut the front door behind her. 

"Rory!" the shuffle of slippers approached at a quickening rate. "I thought I'd lost you to the hoodlum!" Lorelai cried as she threw her arms around her daughter. "Luke called to tell me Liz was there. What happened?" Lorelai asked as she pulled Rory over to the couch.

"Mom, it's not story time," Rory joked.

"_Please_ tell me?" Lorelai pleaded.

"There's nothing to tell you," Rory said. "When I left, Jess was asleep and Liz had been downstairs for close to three hours."

"Really?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah. There isn't much to tell."

"Did you and Jess talk yet?" Lorelai asked.

Frowning, Rory kicked her sneakers off and looked at her mother. "We started to." 

"Where did you start?" she pressed.

Sighing, Rory sunk into the couch. "Childhood."

"Great place to start," Lorelai mumbled.

"Mom, it happened over a month ago. I don't need to tell Jess. This isn't the kind of conversation we're equipped to have. I love you, want some pancakes? Oh, by the way, I lost your fucking baby in the accident last month!" Rory shouted.

"Rory," Lorelai said, trying to soothe her daughter. "It's bothering you."

"It's not," Rory protested.

"You're fighting it." Lorelai smoothed down Rory's hair.

"He wouldn't have been ready for something like this. I wasn't ready for something like this. I was just getting used to the idea of pregnancy, and it was ripped away from me. I was going to talk to him about it that night! It wasn't fair!" Rory cried, burying her face in Lorelai's sleeve.

"It never is, sweetie," Lorelai said as she hugged Rory closer. She wasn't exactly fond of the knowledge when Rory announced that she was pregnant, but it wasn't the end of the world for her. Rory was almost twenty-three and graduating that year. The baby could have been everything both families needed. Lorelai tried to be supportive while Rory mulled over how to inform Jess of the impending child. Rory was only five weeks pregnant when she and Jess were in the car accident. Lorelai had neglected to notify Luke of the child at all, even after she received word that Rory had miscarried. The miscarriage was probably the most horrifying part of the accident for Rory. She barely voiced her concern for the unborn child, but Lorelai knew it lurked deep inside her. 

"I think I'll go to sleep now," Rory said tearfully. She broke away from Lorelai before she changed her mind.

"Please talk to Jess," Lorelai begged once again. She knew Rory would not get over the trauma of her miscarriage until she spoke with Jess about it.

"I'll think about it," Rory mumbled as she headed toward her bedroom. She looked back at Lorelai before leaving her in favor of sleep. Without bothering to change into pajamas, Rory flopped on her bed. It was only six in the evening, and she wasn't actually tired. The sun had just barely set. She placed her hand on her stomach and traced a circle around the nonexistent bump. If she did not lose the baby, there would have been something to keep Jess from leaving her. Turning on her side, Rory let a lonely tear slip down her cheek. Sometimes, she felt she was not enough to hold Jess together. He had come back to her as a broken young man, but he was only able to grow up so much. Rory hugged her ragged teddy bear tighter as she tried to forget the distant tearing inside her body. She tried to convince herself that Jess loved her and that she should stop secluding herself from him. Rory stared at the wall. She was driving Jess away. If she hadn't lost him yet, she would lose him soon. 


	6. Borders and Shading

This chapter is longer than usual as an apology for its lateness. I just wanted to mention that Liz is not in this chapter, but her place will be elaborated on in a future chapter. There's a tad of foul language in this chapter, but it's not overkill.

Also, there's just one last thing I need to mention. A few people were unsure of the pregnancy plot. If you didn't remember the mention of Rory's pregnancy or miscarriage, it's because neither were mentioned in **The Rest of The Sun Belongs to Me.** It was meant to come out in this sequel.

Thanks for all the reviews on chapter five: Loridhhp, Kassandra27, DiehardJavaJunkie14, ShaolinQueen, mizskitles220, Finnizahotty08, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, lukkygrl08, gilmorefanforever, JESSandRORYforever, gilmoreintraining, Curley-Q, SU9xo, and Environmentalist

Disclaimer: I really don't own a thing.

* * *

**Borders and Shading**

"Hey," Rory said as she answered her phone.

"Hi," Jess responded on the other line. "Where are you?"

"Yale." Rory placed her to go coffee and keys on her desk.

"Oh," Jess's voice fell. "I thought you were coming home this weekend."

"I wasn't sure, remember?" Rory asked as she opened her laptop.

Jess played with the phone cord. "I thought you were going to call me." He stood up and walked as far as the cord would allow. "You haven't seen me walk without the cane yet."

"Sorry." Rory said down at her desk and typed in her password.

"Rory," Jess pleaded. "What's wrong? We've barely talked for two weeks and I haven't seen you. Why won't you talk to me?"

"Everything's fine, Jess," Rory snapped.

"I've never seen you like this." Jess sat back on the edge of the bed. "Why won't you talk to me? Are you mad at me?"

"No. There's just a lot of stress right now." Rory banged her laptop shut. "I'm editor of The Yale Daily News and I'm graduating in two months."

Jess sighed. "Fine. Call me when you can." He slammed the handset against the cradle and stared at the opposite wall. At one time in his life, he would have loved to stay in his pajamas until three in the afternoon. Jess pulled himself off the bed. His pajamas felt like they were taking over his body, and it was driving him nuts. He wanted a pair of comfortable, worn jeans complete with the fabric frayed at the cuffs. Sighing, he opened a dresser drawer and rifled through the clothing. Luke bought him dozens of warm up pants and sweat pants rather than smaller jeans. He closed the drawer and searched until he pulled out a pair of broken in jeans. Jess could tell they weren't going to fit, but he discarded his lounge pants in favor of them. He had yet to gain back any of the weight he had lost during recovery. The 34-inch waist jeans slid loosely over his narrow hips to his scant waist. The material drooped after he buttoned and zipped up the fly. While holding his pants up with one hand, Jess searched around for a belt.

After dressing himself and sliding on a pair of sneakers, Jess leaned back on the bed. He hated how exhausted it made him to do simple tasks. Jess wanted to do normal things, and he wanted to resume his life. He wanted to work, go to school, drive, and exercise-everything he used to do.

When the cane had been retired, Luke had let Jess try the stairs. The slight limp held him back from going down the stairs too quickly, but the railings were able to stabilize him. Jess clomped slowly down the stairs. He wanted some coffee, but Luke had been busy all day. He understood that the diner was crowded. Jess wanted to be self-sufficient.

"Hey, you're downstairs!" Luke exclaimed as Jess appeared behind the counter.

"Just wanted some coffee," Jess said, reaching for the pot.

"Take a seat, Jess," Luke ordered, grabbing the mug and pot before his nephew could.

"Okay," Jess complied, coming around the side of the counter and sitting down.

"Cheeseburger, too?" Luke asked as he poured Jess a cup of coffee.

"What's this? Dear Uncle Luke forcing me to eat junk?" Jess teased. "You want me to eat a cheeseburger?" he asked with a serious tone.

"No. I want you to gain ten pounds. Doctor's orders, remember?" Luke reminded him. "It's been almost a month, and you've gained nowhere near even two pounds." Jess looked down at his coffee. "Those jeans don't fit."

Jess sighed and twirled the coffee cup. "Luke," he pleaded.

"Jess, you know I want you to go back to school, work around here, and lead a normal life again." Luke sighed. "That can't happen if you're not healthy. You have a doctor's appointment next week with Dr. Altman. Will you please eat something substantial and try to gain some weight before then?"

Jess shifted in his seat. "Fine. Give me the damn cheeseburger." He scowled and took a long drink of coffee.

Luke sighed and turned back to the kitchen. "Caesar, double cheeseburger with extra everything and fries."

"You're downstairs!" Lorelai said, gently jabbing his shoulder.

"Luke's forcing me to eat something," Jess replied softly.

"Coffee?" Luke asked as he started pouring a cup in front of Lorelai.

"Oh, my knight in shining armor!" she proclaimed, grabbing the cup. "Where's Rory?" she asked after a lengthy sip.

"Yale," Jess snapped, going back to his own cup of coffee.

"Yale? I thought she was coming down for the weekend. It's been ages," Lorelai replied, shocked.

"Yeah, well. I already went through that load of bullshit," Jess muttered as Luke appeared with a heaping plate.

"She's not coming home?" Jess shook his head. "And she hasn't talked to you at all?" He shook his head once more. "She hadn't talked to me much since the last weekend she was here."

"Join the damn club." The plate hit the counter and Jess looked up at Luke. "That's mine? I think you need to get your head checked out."

"Shut up and eat," Luke replied gruffly. "Finish half and I'll let you drive later."Jess smirked and sunk his teeth through the burger. "Thanks, Luke," he said lightly.

* * *

"You'll be fine driving," Luke said once again. "It's a long drive, but you'll be fine. You have good control, remember?"

Jess smirked and looked at Luke from the driver's seat. "It's only New Haven. Everything will be fine. I know my way there with my eyes closed."

"I know." Luke nodded. "I'm glad you're able to drive again."

"I'm off, then." Jess buckled his seatbelt and shifted to drive while his foot was still on the brake. "I'll give you a call," he promised.

Luke nodded and Jess pulled away from the curb. It wasn't his first time out driving since the accident. Luke had been sitting in the passenger seat while he drove around town since the limp had disappeared. It was almost six on that Friday evening and he was driving to New Haven to see Rory. She had been distant for too long, and Jess hadn't been able to confront her. Without looking away from the road, Jess flipped on the radio. He needed to know what was wrong with her, and them.

Jess had been to Paris and Rory's apartment countless times. The blue Prius was parked in the usual spot as he pulled his car in the lot. Paris had been reluctant to do so, but eventually he was granted his own key. Struggling to remember the order of the locks, Jess tried to open the door. Finally, it opened and he slammed it shut.

"Jess?" Paris was sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal and an issue of the Times.

"Where's Rory?" he huffed.

"In her room…" Before she could continue, Jess stalked off in the direction of Rory's room. The door was open and The Clash was playing faintly.

"Jess!" Rory peeled herself off the bed and stood against the wall. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

Rory turned her music off. "I live here, Jess."

"And I live in Stars Hollow. You have missed every appointment you said you were going to attend with me. You missed my first walk without the cane, the first trip down the stairs, and my first drive around the block. You're busy, and I get that. I hate feeling needy, but it's been so damn long, Rory," he yelled.

She twitched shortly before sitting on the bed. "I'm sorry."

"You want to go get a drink or something?" Jess found himself asking.

"Are you…okay enough to drink?" Rory paused.

"I'll be fine." Jess clutched the car keys tightly in his hand. He wanted to smoke or drink, and the latter would not cause him to fight for air.

"I don't want to do…this in a bar." Rory didn't move from her place on the bed.

"Do _what?_" Jess sneered.

"This!" Rory waved her arms about and stood. "Do you want beer or liquor?" she asked quickly.

"Liquor," he snapped. Jess had planned on a beer or two and a chat with Rory, but his mood had elevated to the point where beer was not going to cut it.

Rory slipped out of her room for a moment before returning with a bottle of Absolut. "Ice? No ice?" Rory asked as she set two glasses down on her desk. Jess perched on the end of her bed as she sat in her desk chair.

"No ice is fine." Jess grabbed the glass from her hands and took a gulp of the burning liquid. "Talk to me," he requested.

Rory sipped from her glass and looked Jess in the eye. "How are you feeling?"

Jess sighed and took the plunge back into the glass of vodka. The conversation was going to take longer than he had hoped. "I'm doing okay. Luke is taking me to Dr. Altman on Tuesday." Rory nodded. "I gained three pounds."

"That's great. You're awfully skinny." Rory brushed her fingertips around his waistline. She stopped quickly and let another gulp of vodka slide down her throat.

Jess looked into the glass before taking his next sip. "Yeah," he responded roughly. He wasn't sure what else to say before the conversation stood still.

"You look better." She drained the glass and put it down on the desk.

"I feel better," Jess responded, looking at the inch of vodka left in his glass. "You wouldn't want to give me a refill, would you?"

Weakly, Rory nodded and uncapped the vodka bottle. After she topped his drink off, she filled her own glass to the brim. "Should you be drinking?" she asked, waiting for his honest answer.

"Probably not." Jess lifted the glass to his lips before letting the liquor burn a pathway down his throat.

"I shouldn't be letting you drink." Rory looked down at her socks.

"It's fine," Jess snapped, trying to remember that he was angry at his girlfriend. He could feel his perception fading with every sip of vodka. He kept forgetting that his significantly lighter body would ignore his typical high tolerance for alcohol. Taking another big sip, Jess realized he didn't care. He didn't mind if he felt numb and, dare he say, drunk.

Rory was nearing the last couple of sips in her glass. Both she and Jess had been mercilessly sipping their vodka with nary a word.

"More," Jess requested as he slammed the glass on her desk. Silently, Rory filled his glass and her own. "God _dammit. _Why won't you talk to me? Why are we sitting here like imbeciles just drinking?" Jess banged his fist on her desk, causing Rory to look up in shock. "I'm not a teenager anymore! I'm twenty-three fucking years old!"

Fearfully, Rory looked away. "I know."

"Stop being so cold!" Jess drained his glass of vodka and tried to recall what refill he had just finished. Slamming his glass down, he felt his vision swimming. Obviously, Jess had enough to drink for the night.

Rory cradled her glass in the palm of her hand. She had hit her limit for alcohol a whole glass ago. "Jess," she slurred. Tears prickled in her eyes and threatened to spill over.

Immediately, his gruff demeanor softened. "Rory," he prompted.

She propelled into his arms, knocking him over on the flowered bedspread. She started sobbing uncontrollably while Jess smoothed her hair back from her face. He could barely catch a word of what she was saying.

"Rory," he whispered drunkenly.

"And then the accident," she said, and his ears perked up. "I was going to tell you! I was going to tell you that night and then…" Rory trailed off and hiccupped roughly. She gripped onto his shoulders and buried her damp eyes into his sweatshirt. "Then I lost the baby."

Jess sat up. "Baby?" he asked, staring down at his girlfriend.

Rory began to cry again. "See? I knew you'd be mad!" Rory flung him aside and reached for the vodka glass that was filled a third of the way.

"Rory, stop!" Jess stood up and held Rory back. "What baby?" he asked gently, trying not to let his drunken voice take over his question.

She sat back on the bed and choked back a sob. "Before…before." She paused to compose herself once more. "Before the accident, I was…pregnant." Rory looked down at her wavering hands.

Jess let his body thunk to the floor in a sitting position. "Pregnant?" he squeaked, not bothering to hide his shock. "Jeez." He raked his fingers through his tangled hair. "Your mother is going to kill me." Rory shook her head and hiccupped. "How…how far along were you?"

"Five weeks," Rory said meekly. "I was planning on telling you that night."

"Dammit, Rory. It's been two months since the accident and you didn't bring it up before?" Jess tried to push the anger back down his esophagus, but it kept exploding in his voice box.

Pushing back a sob, Rory looked down at Jess. "I just needed some time…"

"No!" The anger had crawled back to his tone. "No! You didn't need some time, you needed to fucking tell me!" Jess picked himself off the floor and reached for his beat up leather jacket.

"Jess!" Rory exclaimed. She toppled over at first, but was able to regain her balance. Grabbing the sleeve of his jacket, she met his flaming eyes.

In his rage, Jess pushed Rory back on the bed. "Don't," he snarled.

"You shouldn't be this angry!" Rory protested.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want!" On the inside, Jess knew he was being irrational.

"This is why I didn't tell you!" Rory sobbed, her voice rising angrily. "Go ahead! Leave! Fucking _leave_!" Rory heaved herself off the bed and landed with a bang on the floor. "Yell at me! Scream at me! _Hit me_," she dared. "Then _leave_!"

Stunned, Jess let his leather jacket fall to the floor. "No." He sunk to the floor and sat eye to eye with Rory. The buzz of the vodka had started to subside a bit, and he was feeling human once more.

"Jess," she whimpered, almost afraid of him.

He leaned against the bedpost and motioned for her to sit in his lap. She complied, and he smoothed down her hair once again. "Don't block me out," he requested softly. She noted that the slur was missing from his speech.

Burying her face in his chest, she sighed. She could feel his heart beat rapidly as she rested her head against him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her own slur beginning to fade.

"Shhh." Jess rocked back and forth with her in his lap. She snuggled closer against him, not sure why she had ever tried to drive him away. In her mind, she felt rebelling against his comfort was the best idea. The baby no longer existed, but she still had him. A sob threatened to escape her lips, but she buried her face in his shirt once again.

Jess twirled her hair around his finger and kissed the top of his head. He was starting to feel queasy from the alcohol consumption of the night. "I'm not going to leave you," he murmured, uncertain of whether Rory was asleep.

A gentle sob told him otherwise. "I want to go home," she breathed.

He cradled her once again. "Tomorrow," he said, waiting for her acknowledgement and agreement. She quivered against him, but did not speak.


	7. The Voice Inside

This chapter deals with Jess and his doctor's visit. Don't worry, he's not on the brink of death or anything. I promise.

Thanks for all the reviews on chapter six: DiehardJavaJunkie14, LorLukealways, gilmoreintraining, dazedandconfuddled, gilmorefanforever, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, JESSandRORYforever, Loridhhp, lillitgirlx2, CherryWolf713, mizskitles220, ShaolinQueen, and Curley-Q.

Disclaimer: It will never be mine. I may as well get used to it.

* * *

**The Voice Inside**

Rubbing his eyes, Jess sat up and studied his surroundings.

"Coffee?" Rory asked as she closed the door behind her. She handed him the mug and sat down in her desk chair.

"Thanks," he mumbled, taking a sip. He felt horrible from the night before, and had more of hangover than he remembered ever having. His stomach churned and protested as the coffee slid gratefully down his throat.

"You okay?" Rory asked lightly.

Jess gave a weak nod. "Peachy."

"Do you…remember last night at all?" Rory asked hesitantly as she swung her legs.

Broken bits of the drunken conversation flew blindly at Jess. He rubbed his temples and put his face in his hands. "Yeah," he said, clenching his teeth and looking down at the floor. The faint demand of "leave me" rang deep in his mind, but not much else did.

"Okay." Rory sat back and sipped her coffee. "Let's not talk about it again," she said. "At least, not right now."

Nodding, Jess let his hands fall to his side. "I should…go."

"Maybe that's a good idea. You should rest. Luke's probably worried." Rory got to her feet and looked at Jess.

"Okay then." Jess grabbed his leather jacket and touched the doorknob. She hadn't leaned over to kiss or hug him goodbye.

"I love you," she said timidly.

Jess nodded. "Love you too." He closed the door gently behind him and looked at Paris. She was sitting motionless at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal once again. Jess figured it was wise that she said nothing to him. He didn't need great last parting words.

* * *

"You don't want me to go in with you, do you?" Luke asked as Dr. Altman called for Jess.

"I'll be okay. There won't be anything important mentioned, it's just a physician visit." Jess shrugged. "It's an in, out, gain more weight kind of thing."

"We'll be waiting," Rory said kindly.

Smiling, Jess replied, "I know."

"Jess, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Altman asked while Jess slipped off his sweat pants.

"I'm good," Jess said, leaning against the table.

"Have you gained any weight?" he asked.

Jess looked up. "Never can tell," he mumbled.

"Well then, step right up." Dr. Altman checked to make sure the scale was reset as Jess's heart rate quickened.

Tentatively, Jess stepped up on the black platform as the bar tipped. Dr. Altman slid his fingers down the bar, pushing the numbers along. Jess stared at the wall behind the scale. He knew the amount of weight he needed to gain was not even close to what he had. Luke had been feeding him junk food from the diner four times a day. Luke unfortunately considered it the only way Jess could build up his strength and pack on any actual weight. To the side of every one of those meals, and then some, Luke would force Jess to eat salads, fruit, and other assorted healthy items. Truthfully, Jess was starting to get sick of eating so much food.

"Better," Dr. Altman said wearily. He set the scale back to zero and recorded the number in his folder. "How much are you eating, Jess?"

Sighing, Jess slipped his sweats back on and boosted himself up on the table. "Too much," he replied. "Luke gives me enough food to feed two people." He looked right at the doctor. "What's the damage?"

"Your last appointment before the accident had your weight recorded at one hundred fifty eight pounds. For a guy your size, that's good; it was before you started working out regularly at the gym. Well, I'd imagine you heavier after bulking up a bit." Dr. Altman sighed and looked back at his records. "Luke said you lost a lot of muscle weight and tone, that's correct?" he asked.

Jess nodded. "Unfortunately, that was the bulk of what I lost." His fingers brushed his left bicep, which had shrunk considerable in size. "I'd like to…build it back," he said meekly, fingering the shirtsleeve. "It makes me feel awkward."

"I understand." Dr. Altman nodded. "There's just one thing I need you to do before I allow you to start an exercise regimen."

"Gain more weight?" Jess asked.

"Gain more weight," Dr. Altman agreed. "Right now, you don't have any fat to burn off at all. I'm not saying that you can't exercise if you don't have much fat on your body; I just know you. You lose weight rapidly."

Jess shrugged. "I just want this to be fast," he said. "I need to get back on track. There's just too much shit for me to deal with right now. The main reason I started working out was because of the stress."

"I know." Dr. Altman tapped his pencil against the manila folder. "I can offer a councilor, if you'd like."

"I don't want to feel like I'm crazy," Jess laughed, rubbing his sweaty palms together.

"Just because you're talking to a professional doesn't mean you're crazy," he said. "Besides, the stress could potentially hinder your recovery. Both of us know your immune system has been taxed enough and isn't equipped to handle what it used to. If you get sick now, I can assure you it will not be fun. I can promise you that much."

Jess nodded. "I know. Okay. I'll think about the referral and I promise I'll try harder."

"You're at one hundred twenty seven now, Jess. We'll try for one hundred thirty five for the next appointment. You'll want to schedule that for next month.

"Is there anything else you need to know?" Jess asked. He wanted to get out of the office as soon as possible.

"That's about all. Just remember protein and about ten pounds. Try a multivitamin to make things easier on you. I know this is hard, but remind Luke to stock up on good foods for you."

Jess groaned. "I was hoping to get my own place soon."

"That's fine too." Dr. Altman tapped his pen against the folder again. "Try keeping me updated, okay? I mentioned it before, but try to keep your drinking light. Alcohol isn't going to agree with your body right now. You have the structure of a teenager, so if you need to drink," he paused. "Just don't overdo it, got it?"

Nodding, Jess slipped himself off the table. "Got it."

"Schedule an appointment as soon as possible."

"Will do." Jess stuffed his feet back into his sneakers before reaching for the door handle. "I can see myself out."

* * *

Rory traced her finger over Jess's naked chest. "That feels nice," Jess mumbled.

"I thought you were asleep," Rory said lightly as she inched up to his nipple.

"So now you're going to tease me?" Jess chucked sleepily.

Rory rested her hand on his chest. "Tonight was nice."

Jess wrapped his arms around Rory and pulled her closer. "Want to go again?" he whispered huskily.

"I don't know. Do you think you can handle it?" Rory asked suggestively. She picked her head off his chest and rubbed her hands up and down his abdomen. Jess sunk back into the pillows as he allowed Rory's hands and fingers to wander.

"Rory," he moaned lightly.

Quickly, Rory retracted her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Mmhmm." Jess pulled Rory back and kissed her heavily. Rory's phone started to vibrate on her desk. "Leave it," he whispered.

"It could be important," Rory reasoned as she tore away from Jess. He stared at her smooth backside before she slipped on her robe. "Oh, hi mom. Hang on a second." Rory covered the mouthpiece with her hand. "I'm going into the kitchen, I'll be right back." Jess nodded sleepily and pulled the covers over his bare skin.

"Okay," Rory said as she closed the door to her room. "I'm back."

"How are you and Jess doing?" Lorelai asked. "Has he brought up the pregnancy at all?"

Rory sat down at the kitchen table. "No. We haven't really talked about it. As it was, I only mentioned it on Saturday."

"Giving him a couple days to process?" Lorelai asked.

"You could say that." Rory folded the napkin on the table.

"What happened?" Lorelai asked.

Rory sighed. "I told him we didn't need to discuss it. I'm not sure if I even want to. It's really touchy still."

"It's been awhile."

"I know."

"You're at that age," Lorelai said.

"What do you mean?" Rory asked.

"Marriage."

"What?" Rory dropped the napkin on the table.

"You've been together for a couple of years. Don't you think it's something to consider?" Rory chewed the side of her mouth.

"I'm twenty-two, mom. I haven't even graduated yet. Why would you push marriage out on the table?" Rory snapped.

"Seems like something Jess would do," Lorelai said. "Besides, when you came to me with your pregnancy, not only was it the first thing you mentioned, it was something you were convinced wouldn't happen."

"I thought he might be mad because I was pregnant. Obviously my mind drifted to marriage."

"You're not interested?" Lorelai asked.

"We're young. Jess wouldn't want to be tied down. He was supposed to be finishing up his junior year in college." Rory ripped the napkin in half. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I left Jess in my room alone."

"Do you love him?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I love him!" Rory exclaimed.

"Maybe you should talk to him when you're sober, then," Lorelai snapped, shocking Rory with the dial tone. Angrily, Rory slammed the phone on the table. When she returned to the room, Jess was snoring softly. She hung her robe back on the hook and looked at her boyfriend's peaceful face. She curled into the shape of his body and Jess lazily traced a fingertip around her hipbone.

"I love you," Rory said as she snuggled closer.

"Love you too," Jess mumbled sleepily.


	8. Don't Say a Word

I just wanted to clear up one thing before getting on with chapter eight. A **lot **of reviewers brought up the Lorelai, Rory, and the marriage issue. Lorelai clearly said that **Rory **brought up the idea of marrying Jess when she first discovered she was pregnant. Lorelai was simply reiterating that thought when she asked Rory what she felt on that issue. I just wanted to make sure that was clear.

Warning for a dash of sexual reference. Nothing heavy, and nothing graphic.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter seven: DiehardJavaJunkie14, ShaolinQueen, Curley-Q, JessRoryYunaTidusforever, Loridhhp, CherryWolf713, mizskitles220, gilmorefanforever, swimmerluver, JESSandRORYforever, Kassandra27, and Polly.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gilmore Girls. Ask me tomorrow.

* * *

**Don't Say a Word**

"How's school going?" Jess asked as he and Rory huddled together in bed.

"It's almost over," Rory said as she moved her head to his chest. "It's a little scary," she admitted.

"Did you finally decide between getting your masters or a job?" Jess hadn't heard her mention in it passing for a few months.

"I decided to start looking for the job. Maybe I'll get my masters degree later. For now, I just want to start working." She traced her finger along his side. "Why the sudden pillow talk?"

"We don't talk the way we used to. We're always having sex," Jess pointed out.

"That's not true," Rory protested. "Are you complaining about the sex?"

"Of course not. The sex is great." Jess wrapped his arms around Rory. "Just pointing out that this is my time to talk to you."

"Oh." Rory danced her fingers along his stomach, feeling the subtle padding that had finally started to creep back on. "You look good," she said softly.

He blushed. "I gained a little more weight. Luke's happy, but still paranoid."

"Well, you look good. Really good." Rory moved her hand lower on his stomach, causing him to flinch.

Jess squirmed as Rory teased the thin layer of skin over his hipbone. "Where are you getting a job?" he gasped out suddenly. Rory retracted her fingers from his hip.

Placing her warm hand on his chest, Rory looked Jess right in the eyes. "Connecticut. Maybe Hartford," she declared.

"Really?" Jess asked. "I thought you wanted to try getting a job at the Times or at an international paper."

"I did. I just don't want to anymore. I'm just looking for something local."

"Local is nice," Jess said as he pulled the covers up past his bellybutton.

"What about you?" Rory asked tentatively.

"School. I'm throwing out the net for a fall semester transfer. Somewhere new, maybe not quite as local as Hartford," Jess admitted.

"Oh. Like where?" Rory asked.

"Pennsylvania, New York, Massachusetts. They're not so far away," he pointed out.

"No, they're not. It's just weird that you want to leave the state when I'm staying here."

"I never requested you stay here. You did that on your own. It was news to me, Rory," Jess reasoned in attempt to bring back the light, sweet nature of a post intercourse conversation.

Rory shook her head. "Yeah, I know. Sorry."

"Jobs, huh?" Jess said meekly. He knew they would have to talk about the subject in a calm manner eventually. Every time he brought it up, the conversation seemed to quickly veer off course.

"Yeah. Jobs," Rory said quietly.

"You okay?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, I'm just really tired right now," Rory mentioned with a forced yawn.

"Oh, okay." Jess pulled her closer and she tucked her bottom to align with his stomach.

Rory stared at the shadow on the wall while she listened to Jess's breathing even out in sleep. Closing her eyes, she wondered when she would allow herself to confide in him once again.

* * *

Rory sat in the diner nursing a cup of coffee. It had been sitting on the counter for almost ten minutes and she was sure it would get cold soon.

"Rory, hi." Luke stopped in front of her with the coffee pot. "Do you need a refill?"

"No. I'm still working on this one. Thanks." Rory sipped her coffee and stared at the back wall. She was waiting for Jess to reappear, but he was taking longer than expected to run his errands.

"Are you busy?" Luke asked. He was still standing in front of her with the pot of coffee in his hand. Rory looked up at him.

"No. I was just waiting for Jess. Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Everything is fine. I just wanted…can you come upstairs so I can talk to you?" Luke asked nervously.

"Sure. What's the matter, Luke?" Rory hopped off her stool, abandoning the coffee.

"Sit down," he requested, motioning to the couch.

"Everything is okay with Jess, right?" she asked, rubbing her palms against the knees of her jeans.

"Jess is great. You saw him today. He's put on a good amount of weight. Almost looks like his old self," Luke said with a smile.

Rory nodded. "That's great." They both paused in silence. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"You know, your mother and I have been dating for almost three years." Luke sat down next to Rory. "I, uh, wanted to ask her to marry me," Luke stammered.

"Really, Luke? That's wonderful!" Rory threw her arms around Luke's neck.

"So you're okay with a proposal?" Luke asked cautiously.

"I am definitely okay with the proposal," Rory said. "Did you get the ring already?"

Luke smiled. "Somehow I knew you'd want to inspect the engagement ring." Pulling the ring box out of his pocket, Luke snapped the cover open and handed it to Rory.

"Oh, wow! That's some ring, Luke!" she admired the shape and of the diamond and the way it sparked when the sunlight hit the gem. "Mom is going to love it," she promised, handing the ring box back to Luke. "When do you think you'll propose?"

"I don't know," Luke replied. He stuck the little box back in his dresser drawer and faced Rory. "Please don't tell her. I know you Gilmores aren't very good with secrets."

Rory held her hand over her heart. "Scout's honor," she swore.

Luke shook his head. "Please, I know you were never a scout."

Smiling, "It's just so much fun to claim." She laughed, bringing herself to her feet.

"Don't say anything," Luke repeated.

"Don't worry. I won't say a word," Rory promised. "I will be anxiously awaiting a call from my mother. Don't wait too long!" Rory pointed her finger at Luke. "I don't know how long I can last with this kind of information."

"Just one last thing," Luke said. "When you get home tonight, tell Jess I want to talk to him."

"Okay, we'll probably be home pretty early tonight. I have classes tomorrow, so I need to drive back to New Haven tonight." Rory touched the doorknob and wondered how the conversation turned from light to awkward. "Just don't wait too long," she repeated before exiting the apartment to see if Jess was waiting downstairs.

* * *

Jess traced his finger along the soft skin of Rory's waist. She kissed him back forcefully, but passionately at the same time. "Rory," he whispered huskily.

"What?" she asked as she nipped at his neck.

"We can't do this here," he mumbled, hoping she would stop what she was doing to his neck.

Rory retracted her lips. "Why?" she asked before resuming the attention to his neck.

"Because there are a lot of windows in the diner and Luke is upstairs waiting for me to get home," he said under his breath.

Rory kissed him once more. "I know," she whispered. "I should go."

She broke contact from his body, but he grabbed her belt loops. "Hey, I didn't say stop. I just meant we couldn't have sex on the counter."

Rory slipped her tongue back into his mouth. "I should still go," she said after they broke the kiss. "I have class in the morning."

"Okay. Call me when you're back safe?" Jess requested.

Rory nodded. "I will. Don't worry about me." She gave him one last kiss before exiting the diner.

Jess checked the lock on the door and looked around the diner to make sure everything was in the right place. Nodding in satisfaction, Jess pushed the curtain aside and went up the stairs to the small apartment he shared with Luke.

Luke was sitting on the couch flipping through channels on the small television set. "You're home earlier than I thought," he said, setting the remote on the table.

"You wanted to talk. Is there something wrong?" Jess sat on the couch next to his uncle.

Standing, Luke moved over to the refrigerator and took out two bottles of beer. He held one up. "You want a beer?" he checked before closing the door.

Jess nodded. "A beer would be great," he said warily. He had been instructed to avoid alcohol or drink it in moderation. One beer certainly wouldn't push him over the edge like the vodka in Rory's dorm. He was healthier and heavier now anyway. If he were in the same situation now, he would have had a better tolerance for the liquor. Jess accepted the bottle of beer and the two men popped the caps off simultaneously. "So, what's the matter?" he asked after a sip.

"I'm going to ask Lorelai to marry me."

"Really?" Jess asked. He figured it was about time. Luke and Lorelai had been dating almost three years. It was about the time Jess came back and approached Rory.

"I have the ring. Rory approves." Luke drank more of the beer and waited for Jess's reaction.

"I think it's great, Luke. I'm happy for you." Jess smiled and placed his half-empty beer on the table. "When are you planning to pop the question?"

Luke sighed. "I don't know. I want to plan what to say and say it at the correct time. I just want to do it right."

"Understandable." Jess nodded and grabbed the beer from the table.

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about," Luke said cautiously, causing Jess to sit back down.

"Oh, yeah?" Jess smirked.

"How are you and Rory doing?" Luke asked carefully.

"It's complicated." Jess shook his head and finished the beer.

"That's Jess code for "Don't want to talk about it," right?" Luke questioned.

Jess shook his head again. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I feel that something is wrong between us. It doesn't feel the same."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked, unsure if Jess was willing to converse about his relationship.

Jess ruffled his dark hair. "Rory was pregnant before the accident," he said lightly.

The beer ejected from Luke's mouth and back into the bottle. "What?"

"Rory was pregnant. She lost the baby in the car accident three months ago." The gel in his hair left his hand sticky. Jess wiped his fingers on his jeans while he waited for Luke to say something. "She only told me a couple weeks ago." Luke nodded. "We were drunk."

"Great way to talk about something like that," Luke said sarcastically and placed the bottle back on the table.

"I barely remember the night," Jess said truthfully. "I just had the image in my head the other day. I'm not sure if she knows I remember."

"You two okay, then?" Luke asked again.

"It's getting better," Jess said slowly. "I really want to talk about what she's feeling, though. I'm not talkative, but a pregnancy concerns me. I just want her to talk to me about this, but she won't bring it up."

Nodding, Luke took the last sip of his beer. "You going to try talking to her soon?"

"I want her to move in with me," Jess said suddenly. "After she graduates from Yale, you know."

"You want to move out of here?" Luke asked tentatively.

"Well, yeah. I can't stay here forever. You're going to be engaged. I don't need you to take care of me anymore. I'm healthy; I gained most of the weight back; I'm eating fine; I'm sleeping great," Jess said, trying to convince Luke.

Luke nodded again. "Okay. You're twenty-three. I don't need to make decisions for you anymore."

"Thanks, Luke." Jess turned his head as the phone started to ring. "That's probably Rory. I told her to call when she was back at Yale." Jess lifted the phone off the cradle and to his ear. "Hello?"

Luke smiled as he watched Jess talk softly to Rory on the phone. He could only hope the two would be able to sort through their problems, and made a mental note to discuss Rory's miscarriage with Lorelai the next day.


	9. The Words Forgiven

Thanks for all the reviews on chapter eight: DiehardJavaJunkie14, gilmorefanforever, Polly, gilmoreintraining, Curley-Q, lillitgirlx2, ShaolinQueen, Literati44, Loridhhp, lovetaker101, swimmerluver, CherryWolf713, and mizskitles220.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. What a shame.

* * *

**The Words Forgiven**

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Lorelai asked as Luke paced in front of his couch. "You've been quiet."

"Rory miscarried?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"She asked me not to," Lorelai said. "How do you…" she trailed off. "Jess."

"Jess," Luke confirmed. "Why won't she talk to him? Jess is frustrated."

Lorelai sunk into the couch cushions and pulled her hair back. "She still hasn't talked to him?"

"Obviously not. What's wrong with Rory? There's something bothering her."

Shrugging, Lorelai let go of the hair in her hands. "She hasn't talked to me in days. I've left messages and she hasn't called me back. I'm trying to give her space, but I really want to know what's happening with her."

Luke squinted. "She didn't mention you were fighting when I talked to her yesterday. She was friendly as ever toward you."

"Really? Well, she just won't admit she's angry with me." Lorelai slumped down further. "I questioned her relationship with Jess."

Luke sat down next to Lorelai. "Valid question."

"You think so?" she asked.

"They've been through a lot. Those two are stronger than any couple I've ever seen, but even with all that strength," Luke trailed off. "She's not talking to him."

The knob on the door twisted and Jess shut it behind him as he entered the apartment. He waved weakly before heading in the direction of the bathroom.

"She's going to hurt him," Lorelai said softly. "I never thought I'd see it the other way around, but it's going to happen."

Nodding, Luke looked at the closed bathroom door. "He'll hang on until she forces him to let go."

* * *

"Hey, what's wrong with you tonight?" Jess asked as he cut his steak into smaller pieces.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?" Rory moved her meatballs to one side of her plate and twirled the spaghetti around her fork.

"That's your second glass of wine," Jess said pointing at the crystal with his fork. He frowned. Rory was never big on anything alcoholic, but she had already downed a martini at the bar earlier that night.

"No reason. Just wanted a little more." Rory straightened the red strap of her low cut dress.

Shaking his head, Jess went back to cutting his steak. "Have you gotten anything back from potential jobs?" he asked, hoping Rory would actually open her life back up to him.

"No."

"Okay." Jess squinted and twisted his lips into another frown. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"No."

Jess sighed and let his fork hit the plate. Rory was usually talkative, but the conversation had been sliding down a constant incline for weeks. He was starting to get sick of her closing herself off. "What about the baby?" he asked curtly.

Rory coughed until the meatball that had lodged itself in her throat successfully slid down. "What?" she gasped.

"The baby?" he asked again. "You know, the one you lost?"

"I thought you didn't remember that." She looked down at her plate guiltily.

"Even if I didn't remember, why wouldn't you bring it up again? For Christ's sake Rory! We were drunk when we had that improper conversation. This concerns me, Rory! I want to know these things. I need to know these things!" Jess snapped. "You need to tell me these things!"

"I was pregnant; we were in the accident; I miscarried. What else is there to that story? That's all, Jess! That's all there is to tell!" Rory's face burned with an angry flush.

"No, that doesn't work! Why won't you tell me what you're feeling?" Jess snapped back.

"It's complicated!" Rory retorted, dropping her napkin in the middle of the table.

"Then uncomplicate it! I can help. It was my kid, too!" By now, most of the patrons in the restaurant were staring.

Rory was silent.

"It was my kid, wasn't it?"

"Yes, of course it was your damn kid." Rory pushed out her chair. "I'm going now."

"Rory, wait. Please, come on," Jess pleaded, tugging at his silk tie. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything. I'm sorry."

Rory glared at him before sitting back down. "I wanted that baby, okay?" she hissed.

"Then why were you so scared to say it?" Jess asked.

"Because you hate kids," Rory responded. "And I didn't want to have to get an abortion."

"Rory." Jess took her hand in his. "I wouldn't have made you terminate your pregnancy."

"You say that now when there is no baby," she responded harshly, taking back her hand.

"No, I say it because I honestly would have loved a child," Jess said softly. "It's just an odd fantasy that I never would have admitted to unprovoked."

"You…want a kid?" Rory asked, cocking her head to the side.

Nodding gently, Jess squeezed Rory's hand. "Yeah. You know I'm grown up now," he said. "I'll be twenty-four in three months. I want to do this family thing because I never had a real one."

"I know," she said, shaking her head. "That's why a part of me figured you'd stay here if I was going to have a baby."

"Why would I leave?" Jess asked.

Rory sighed. "I don't know, but you are now. You're going to leave for another school in another state."

Jess ran his hand through his hair. "Rory, I have a car. If I end up going to school in another state, I can drive to see you."

"Or I could always find a job where you end up going."

Jess smiled. "We could always work around that, if you wanted to."

Rory sipped her wine idly and looked down at her cold spaghetti. "I never even thanked you for taking me out tonight."

"It's okay. Do you want to actually eat now?" Jess stabbed a piece of warm steak with his fork and tugged it off the metal prongs with his teeth.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Rory swirled another forkful of spaghetti and slurped it loudly.

"Lady-like," Jess joked, sinking his own fork into his mashed potatoes.

Rory stuck her tongue out at Jess. "Hey."

Jess stuck his tongue out in return, happy at the thought of normalcy.

* * *

Rory's phone buzzed on the nightstand. Groggily, she reached for it, noticing that it was just past midnight. Next to her, Jess was still snoring sleepily. "Hello?" she greeted softly after flipping the cover up.

"Rory?" Her blood froze.

"Mom," she acknowledged, aware of all the calls she had missed on purpose and never returned. Rory swung her legs out of bed and grabbed the bathrobe hanging on the bedroom door hook. There was silence on the other line as Rory padded barefoot to the kitchen. "Mom?"

"We haven't talked in days," Lorelai pointed out.

Rory hung her head. "I know. I'm sorry." She traced a circle on the kitchen table as the conversation reverted back to being silent. "I talked to Jess about everything tonight."

"Good." Lorelai's voice perked up in the realization that this would be a friendly call after all. "Luke proposed."

Rory held back a squeal. "He did?"

"He did. He took me over to Sniffy's Tavern."

"Isn't that where your first date was?" Rory asked happily.

"Yes! It was," Lorelai squeaked. Rory could tell her mother was happy with the night.

"Have you thought of planning yet?" Rory asked.

"This week we're going to start planning. We decided that we've waited so long for this to happen that we don't want a long engagement. Luke and I want to do this as quickly as possible without rushing it."

Rory tucked her legs up to her chest. "I'm really excited for you, Mom. Have you given any thoughts to the wedding party? You know, should I be prepared to get measured?"

Laughing, "Rory, you're my maid of honor."

"Why thank you," Rory said. "I'm so honored."

"That was a horrible pun," Lorelai said, laughing again.

"I know. I just couldn't resist."

"I just needed to call and tell you. I know you were asleep and that Jess is probably there with you."

"Okay, Mom. I'm glad you called to tell me. I'm sorry about our fight."

"I'm sorry too, kid," Lorelai whispered.

"Now, go celebrate with Luke. I know he's there, so make sure you tell him I said hi and congratulations." Rory stood and started back to her room.

"Bye, Rory."

"Bye, Mom." Rory snapped her phone shut and placed it on the nightstand. She drew back the blankets and slid underneath them facing Jess.

"Who was that?" he asked, his voice heavy and scratchy with sleep.

"Luke proposed." Jess snaked his arm behind Rory's back and pulled her close. Sighing, she rested her head on his shoulder as he started to snore gently once again.


	10. A Crack in the Wall

Thanks for the reviews on chapter nine: ShaolinQueen, x3loveleebee, gilmorefanforever, swimmerluver, DiehardJavaJunkie14, I-luv-jess-mariano, Literati44, LorLukealways, lovetaker101, Loridhhp, Curley-Q, gilmoreintraining, mizskitles220, and Polly.

Disclaimer: Still nothing, folks. Ask me tomorrow.

* * *

**A Crack in the Wall**

Jess knocked on Rory's door and waited patiently for her to answer. Not bothering to knock again, he opened the door and looked around her room. "Hey," he said gently, rubbing his hand over the lump in the blankets.

She murmured something he couldn't understand and buried herself deeper in the bedclothes. Jess waited a moment before pulling the comforter back and sliding in bed with Rory.

"Hey," he said once more. "What's the matter?" Smoothing his hands over her now exposed shoulders and back, Jess kissed the top of Rory's ear. "You going to talk to me?" he asked softly in her ear.

Rory threw her arms around his neck and snuggled her body closer to his. "I keep getting rejected. What's wrong with me? Am I just not good enough to find a job around here?" she questioned, her red eyes peering up at him expectantly.

Jess smoothed back her wild brown hair. "Hey, that's not a way for you to think." He kissed her nose and ran his fingers through her hair again. "You're going to find a great job and you're going to be extremely happy with what you do in life," he said encouragingly. "You're an amazing journalist." He stroked her cheek softly with her thumb, wiping away tears in the process.

"Thank you," she mumbled, burying her face in his sweatshirt. "I just want to know my plans for next year." She looked solemnly back in his eyes, frowning at the thought.

"I know," he whispered, continuing to stroke her cheek. "It's going to be fine."

"Promise?" she asked tearfully.

"Promise." Jess wrapped his arms around Rory and held her tightly. "Everything will work out." He felt her nod against his body. "Now, what do say we get out of here? Luke and your mom wanted us to help with the wedding plans."

"Okay," she said weakly, pulling her body in a sitting position. Rory continued to cling to Jess while she worked her way out of the bed she had been buried in for three hours. "I'm just going to grab some clothes so I can stay the weekend." Jess watched as Rory pulled out her blue overnight bag from under her bed and started filling it with clothes.

He dangled his legs over the side of her bed and smiled when she glanced at him from the closet. "They're planning the wedding pretty quick, aren't they?"

"It's not too fast," Rory responded as she zipped up the overnight bag. "They've been waiting a long time for this." She grabbed her hairbrush from the desk and started straightening out her knotted hair.

"I'm glad they're finally getting married," Jess said. "They both deserve to be happy." Grabbing Rory's wrist, he pulled her back on the bed with him.

"I thought we were going to Stars Hollow." Rory kissed Jess on the cheek and snuggled close to him. "I like this," she said finally.

"We should live together," Jess blurted out. Immediately, Rory sat up in bed.

"What?"

"You and me. We should live together. Buy an apartment after graduation and move in together. Just the two of us. What do you think?"

"Well, I." Rory rubbed her hand over her face and ran her fingers through her hair. "I guess so."

Jess looked up at her innocently. "You don't want to live with me?"

"No, I do." Rory played with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. "It's just sudden. That's all. You caught me off guard."

Jess nodded. "We should probably get on the road soon."

"Something small and cozy," Rory said as she stood up.

"What?"

"A small, cozy apartment. Something just right for the two of us, but with enough room for bookcases."

"You want to live with me?" Jess asked tentatively.

"I already said I did. I just needed to think about it for a minute." Rory gripped his hand before grabbing the overnight bag off the floor. "Let's go before we get distracted."

* * *

"How have you been for the past couple of weeks?" Dr. Altman asked. Jess boosted himself on the stool in the office to face his physician.

"I feel pretty good," Jess said. "My jeans fit better and I have more energy. You think you'll finally allow me to renew my gym membership?"

"We'll see." Dr. Altman tucked his pencil behind his ear and grabbed the manila folder that contained Jess's file. "Why don't you step up on the scale and see what I can do for you?" He reset the numbers on the scale and rubbed the eraser on the end of his pencil.

Kicking off his sneakers, Jess stepped on the black platform. "One hundred and thirty nine last time around, wasn't it?" he asked cautiously.

Dr. Altman studied the folder. "Sounds about right. That was about a month ago. You did really well." He placed the folder aside and started moving the numbers on the scale. "That's great, Jess. You can get off now." Twirling the pencil between his fingers, Dr. Altman settled in his rolling chair with the folder. "You're up eleven pounds from the last visit. I'd say it's suitable for you to continue an exercise regimen, as long as it isn't too strenuous." He tapped the pencil against the open folder. "Make sure you're getting enough nutrients, too. I can see from the lab results on your blood work that you're missing some key components in your diet. You may want to try a multivitamin if you're not eating right on your own." He paused to search the blood work up. "There's just something else that concerns me, so I'd like for you to get your blood taken again within the week."

"Something wrong?" Jess asked, fingering the loose ends of his hair that hung in his eyes.

"Just a possible problem. Jess, I'm going to be frank with you." Dr. Altman set down his pencil on the folder. Jess cringed at the serious tone in his voice. "Your blood count is extremely erratic. Your platelets are invading your other cell counts, forcing the white blood cells to shy away." Jess looked at his socks, suddenly wishing to busy his hands with his shoelaces.

"What does that mean?" he asked tentatively.

Dr. Altman grabbed his pencil and tapped it against the folder again. It was hard to break his nervous habit. "It means that your immune system is being seriously depleted at this point. You could get extremely sick if we don't find the cause of your erratic blood count. Since your spleen was taken out, a risk for the platelet count to rise started. It seems to have taken a few months, but it's happening. I'm sure you already knew your immune system was automatically weakened."

Jess nodded slowly. "What now?" he asked nervously. His body had been put through hell during his recovery, and he didn't wish to repeat that process any time soon.

"As of now, there's no reason to panic. However, I do need you get more blood work done for comparative results. I need to know if the cells are duplicating even more or if the counts are just staying at unreasonably high levels." Dr. Altman closed the file and slid it on the wooden desk. "You okay?"

Jess laughed nervously. "I thought I was doing everything right. I thought I was doing everything right," he whispered.

"Sometimes you just can't prevent certain things from happening," Dr. Altman said. "Get your blood drawn downstairs and go home to rest. Please call if you need anything or you feel any symptoms coming on. I'll put a rush on your blood and squeeze an appointment in when the results come back."

Jess nodded and slid of the exam table. Silently, he slipped his feet in his shoes and grabbed his jacket from the door hook. "I'll get that blood drawn right away," he said, opening the door.

Dr. Altman followed Jess to the receptionist desk. "Give Luke my best," he requested.

* * *

Jess stirred the soup that was simmering on the stove and wrapped his sweatshirt around his body tighter. The door opened as he was grabbing a bowl, causing Jess to turn around. "Hey, Luke," he said softly.

"You okay?" Luke asked. "It's not often I have to let you sleep past noon anymore." He rested his hands on the back of a kitchen chair and waited for an explanation.

"It's just a cold. Doctor said it would happen eventually." Jess shuffled back to the stove and turned the burner off. Luke watched as Jess poured the soup in his bowl and began to stir it with his spoon.

"Did you take something?" Luke asked.

Jess slurped the soup off his spoon and sat at the kitchen table. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Luke said, taking in the image of his disheveled nephew. His eyes and cheeks were red and his lips were dry and cracked. When he talked, Luke could tell Jess was in discomfort. "Jess," Luke started.

"I'm _fine_," Jess said, stronger that time, but still not convincing enough. He made a face and coughed raggedly into his elbow.

Luke shot his nephew a look and folded his arms across his chest. "You look like crap."

"Thanks, Uncle Luke. I love you too," Jess said jokingly before hacking into his sweatshirt again.

"Sound like crap, too."

"Only the highest compliments."

"Jess, are you sure you don't want to go to the doctor?" Luke asked as he went to smooth Jess's hair back from his forehead.

"What are you doing?" he asked defensively, pulling away.

"Feeling your forehead to see if you're hot."

Jess shook his head and then braced himself from the pressure. "Ugh."

"Why are you fighting me?" Luke reached for Jess's forehead again as Jess shied away. "Jess. You're being irrational."

Jess shook his head and slurped his hot soup. "Just let me be," he mumbled hoarsely, dropping the spoon in the bowl to cough in his elbow again.

"No. I don't think this should be ignored," Luke said. He watched Jess suck the spoon and place it back in the bowl.

"Well, you know best." Jess sighed and pushed the bowl aside.

"Where are you going?" Luke asked as he followed Jess to the other side of the room.

"Just over here."

"You're being stubborn again," Luke pointed out.

Jess shook his head. "Don't feel good, remember?"

"Then why won't you let me take care of you?" Luke asked.

"Because I'm almost twenty four years old. I don't need anyone to take care of me," Jess said hoarsely as he coughed again.

"But you do," Luke said finally. "You don't know how to take care of yourself, whether you have doctor's orders or not."

"What are you talking about?" Jess asked weakly as he looked up at his uncle.

"You, smoking."

"I haven't smoked in months," Jess lied, glancing away from Luke and out the window.

"Sure," Luke said, catching Jess in his bluff.

"Why are giving me the fifth degree?" Jess asked angrily.

"Because you're being irrational!" Luke threw his hands in the air. Jess slumped in the chair and coughed roughly. "Jess, are you okay?"

"Peachy." He ran his hand through his tousled hair and leaned back. He propped his face on his fist and looked at Luke through the strands of hair blocking his eyes. "Think I'll rest now," he said softly, getting to his feet.

"Are you okay, Jess?" Luke asked again.

Jess nodded. "Just tired. Let me sleep for a couple of hours." He shuffled over to the bed and tossed his sneakers aside before throwing himself across the covers. As Jess settled against the pillows, he heard the phone trill across the room. "Ugh. Leave me alone," he mumbled, throwing the sheets off his body. He paused as Luke reached for the phone.

"Go back to sleep," Luke directed and Jess gave in. He tucked his body back under the covers and tried to listen to the phone call. He peered at Luke pacing around the small living room while he held the cordless phone in his hands. "He's in bed. I think he's starting to get to sleep." Luke sat on the couch and listened to the person on the other line. "Blood work?" he asked.

Jess cursed under his breath and tucked himself into a ball under the covers.

"Right now?" Luke asked carefully. "What's wrong?" He paused to stand by the window in thought. "But you're not sure?" he asked hesitantly. "I know he wasn't sick when he came in for the routine check up. What's changed between then and now?"

Jess brushed his sweaty hair away from his face and tried to focus his vision. He was freezing, but at the same time he was sweating. "Luke," he said softly, trying to grab his uncle's attention.

Luke was busying himself with the phone call. "Okay. I can take him down for a chest X-ray."

Jess perked up and looked right at Luke. He was suddenly concerned about the phone call, but couldn't bring himself to leave the bed again.

"Right now. I'll take him down right now." Luke beeped off the phone and flung it on the couch. "Jess?" he asked as he sat on the edge of his nephew's bed. He shook his shoulder lightly and Jess peered up at him with timid eyes. "That was Dr. Altman," he said.

Jess nodded and rolled his eyes back in his head. "Mmhmm," he mumbled lightly.

"I need to take you to Hartford. He wants you to have a chest X-ray." Luke smoothed back Jess's hair and rested the back of his hand on his forehead. "Jess? Are you okay?" Luke asked for the umpteenth time that afternoon.

"Luke," he mumbled, reaching for the hand that was resting on his forehead. "I'm sick."

"I know," Luke said, trying to pull Jess out of bed. "Come on. I need to take you to the hospital."

"Don't want to go. Want to stay here," he murmured, fighting Luke's pull on his arm. He pressed his face back in the pillows and coughed into the soft cotton.

"Jesus. Jess." Luke noticed the blood speckled on the striped pillow case.

"I'm sick, Luke," he murmured again, lighter than previously.

"Shit." Luke yanked the covers aside and tried to heave his nephew out of his bed. It was the first time he regretted that Jess had regained the weight. "Christ. Wish you weren't so heavy."

"Sorry," Jess mumbled as Luke finally lifted him out of the bed and cradled him protectively in his arms. Jess wrapped his arms around Luke's neck as they went downstairs and to the truck waiting outside.

* * *

Luke tapped his foot anxiously on the tile floor while he fought the urge to pace around the waiting room. He was waiting for Dr. Altman to return from X-ray. The face of an old friend peered around the corner to the waiting room. "Luke?"

"Jeez. About time," Luke responded as he moved over on the couch. "What's the verdict? It's nothing bad, right?"

"It's Pneumonia," he said finally, sitting on the couch next to Luke. "But it's getting worse."

"Pneumonia?" Luke asked in disbelief. "Why is that so serious?"

Dr. Altman fingered the manila folder. "Jess doesn't have much of an immune system to fight off anything at the moment, which is the problem. You can see from how quickly the illness has hit him that Jess needs immediate care. I've admitted him in the respiratory intensive care unit just as a precaution. He's not hooked up to any machines as of yet, but I've started him on an IV drip medication. What I'm worried about at the moment is his lack of ability to fight off any infections. If the Pneumonia spreads in any way, it's better to keep tabs on Jess."

"Jeez." Luke sunk back in his seat. "Why is this happening?" has asked after hesitating a moment.

"Well, as I mentioned before, Jess's immune system was taxed and weakened after the spleen removal. I'm actually surprised he has been able to fight off bacteria and viruses on his own for the past few months. After this, I'm going to need to up the medications I have Jess on. It may call for something new or a different approach."

Luke grasped his blue hat and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. "Shit," he swore under his breath. "I thought he was getting better." He paused. "He was getting better. He screwed up a few times and smoked, but he was fine most of the time."

"Cigarettes?" Dr. Altman asked. "I thought Jess was on direct order to stop smoking."

"Scared the shit out of me when he smoked a whole back a few months back. Ever since, he's only smoked here and there. He won't admit it to me, but I know he has."

Dr. Altman sighed. "That's Jess; stubborn as a mule."

Luke shook his head. "Is he going to be okay? I'd really like to not lose him."

"He's just sick right now. Should be up and about in a couple weeks." Dr. Altman said.

"You know, I've cared about that kid more than anything else in my life. Almost twenty four, but he'll always be a teenager in my mind. I know he hates feeling helpless, but I just want to take care of him," Luke said softly.

Dr. Altman nodded and patted Luke's shoulder. "Why don't you I let you see him? He's not really alert, but I'm sure he'll know you're there." Both men stood and Dr. Altman started down the hall with Luke walking next to him. He slid his hospital ID through the card reader and let them in the RICU.

Jess was snuggled against the guard rail with his arms wrapped around the blankets. The IV was running from the bag to the tube in Jess's vein. "I'll leave you two alone," Dr. Altman said, patting Luke on the back before leaving the room.

"Hey, Jess," Luke said softly.

His eyelashes fluttered, but it was the only indication Jess gave Luke that he was aware of his presence.

Luke was unsure whether or not to touch his nephew and stood back to the side. "You really scared me," he said. "I wish this stuff wouldn't happen to you." Luke reached over and moved Jess's hair from his forehead. "I wish I could do something for you. It never seems to be enough." Luke sighed and pulled a chair over to the side of the bed. Luke knew Jess had seen the inside of too many hospital rooms in the last six months. He only wished he could do something more than put him inside those hospital rooms.

Jess moaned contentedly and snuggled deeper under the covers. At least he was comfortable and taking medicine, Luke thought as he touched Jess's cheek gently with his thumb. At least he was still with him.


	11. Some Wounds

Refer to chapter five if you've forgotten about Liz. Keep in mind that she never met TJ and didn't turn her life around.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter ten: DiehardJavaJunkie14, gilmoreintraining, Loridhhp, ShaolinQueen, Curley-Q, gilmorefanforever, LorLukealways, ultimategilmoregirl, I-luv-jess-mariano, Literati44, and swimmerluver. Eventually, I'll get back to using review reply. I just haven't had enough time to reply to everyone.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this chapter belongs to me.

* * *

**Some Wounds**

"Luke?" Luke shifted in his chair and smoothed Jess's wild hair back from his warm forehead. "I got here as soon as I could."

"Thanks for being here," Luke said as Lorelai rested her hands on his shoulders.

"How's he doing?" she asked.

"He's really hot," Luke said. "His fever spiked to 104 fifteen minutes ago. They're trying to bring his temperature down." Luke sighed and ruffled his nephew's sweaty hair. Jess trembled slightly under Luke's touch. "I'm worried about him."

Lorelai listened to the steady beep of the heart monitor while she processed Luke's words. "Rory's going to be here soon," she said finally. "I called her on my way here. She started driving over when I told her."

"That's good. He'd want her here." Luke brushed his fingers over Jess's forehead. "I'm worried about him," he admitted again. "There's only so much one kid can take." Shaking his head, Luke peered up at Lorelai.

"He's going to be okay," Lorelai promised. "Jess is really strong, remember? He's going to beat this and he'll be fine."

"I hope so," Luke said softly. "I hate seeing him like this."

The steady beep of the heart monitor continued while Luke sat next to Jess in silence. Lorelai rubbed her hands over Luke's shoulders. "We've been through this before. It's not so bad. Come on," Lorelai said. "Why don't we go upstairs to the cafeteria and get you a salad and some tea?"

"No. I need to stay with Jess," Luke said numbly, pressing his face in his hands.

"Luke, this isn't healthy. You've been sitting here for almost two hours."

"Three," Luke corrected.

"Why did you wait so long to call me? I would have met you at the hospital when you brought Jess over." Lorelai sighed and pulled a chair from the hallway next to the bed.

"Furthest thing from my mind," Luke said, "was company other than Jess's." He sighed and tilted his head on Lorelai's shoulder.

"You should have called me sooner, though. I could have sat with you in the waiting room and here when Jess was asleep. Jess is going to be my family, too." Lorelai intertwined her fingers with Luke's.

"I know," Luke said. "What if we have to postpone the wedding plans?" he asked suddenly.

"Then we'll postpone the wedding plans until we know Jess is fully recovered. He's your best man, Luke. We're not going to exclude him from the wedding. I can wait a couple extra months to marry you if it means his health," Lorelai said. "Now, come on. You've been sitting here for hours," Lorelai begged. The doors to the RICU opened and Rory rushed by to the desk. "Rory, over here," Lorelai beckoned before Rory could reach the nurse's station.

"How is he? Is Jess okay?" Rory dropped her purse in the corner and hurried to the bed.

"He's temperature keeps spiking," Luke said. "Every ten minutes I've been putting a cold cloth on his forehead, but it's not really bringing his fever down." He handed a washcloth to Rory. "If you could do that while you're here with him, it would make him more comfortable."

Rory nodded and accepted the damp washcloth from Luke. "I'll do everything I can. Don't worry about anything."

"We can go downstairs now," Lorelai said as she grabbed Luke's hand. "Rory is here with Jess, so he won't be alone."

Luke nodded and stood up. "Rory should have some time alone with Jess," he conceded.

Lorelai ushered him out of the room and waved to Rory.

"Oh, Jessie," Rory whispered, running her thumb over his warm cheeks. Jess winced and pulled his elbow over his face. "You're so warm," she said, staring at the washcloth in her hand. "I should wet this." Rory walked over to the sink on the other side of the room and ran the cloth under the cold water. "Here, this will make you feel better." Carefully, Rory folded the washcloth into smaller sections and pressed it against his forehead. "There," she said, patting his forehead. She sat down next to the bed and watched Jess's eyelashes flutter.

He squinted at the brightness, but reached for Rory's arm.

"Jess? It's me." Rory brushed a stray tear from her cheek.

"Don't cry," he whispered. "I'm okay." He clung closer to Rory's arm.

"I hate seeing you like this," Rory whispered, brushing the stray section of hair that had fallen across his face. "You're so warm," she said, taking his face in her hands. "I wish that cloth would cool you down a little."

"Why don't you love me?" he asked hoarsely.

"What?" Rory gasped, taking a step back and tripping on the chair.

"I've tried to do everything right," he whispered, staring at the ceiling. "Why haven't you ever loved me?"

"What are you talking about?" Rory asked under her breath.

"Mom?" he whispered weakly. "Why haven't you ever loved me?"

Rory backed away further and hurried to the desk. "I think there's something wrong."

* * *

When Luke and Lorelai returned to the RICU, Rory was huddled in a chair by the doorway. "What are you doing out here, sweetie?" Lorelai asked.

Rory peered up at her mother and Luke before speaking. "Jess woke up," she said.

"That's great! When?" Luke asked expectantly.

"But they're in there trying to lower his fever. It rose to 105 and he was hallucinating." Rory hung her head. "He needs his mom, I think."

"Liz?" Luke asked, cocking his head to the side. "He hasn't even mentioned Liz in months, not even since the time she came by." He sighed and looked away from the doorway.

"He kept asking me why she never loved him, but I'm sure he thought she was there." Rory glanced up at Luke and her mother. "Are you positive he's going to be fine?"

Luke shifted uncomfortably and looked back at Rory. "He's going to be fine. This is…just a complication of the surgery."

"_This_ is a complication?" Rory asked doubtfully. "And how many more complications am I going to have to worry about?" she asked, raising her voice.

"Why is that so disconcerting?" Luke asked, raising his own voice. "You're not the one taking care of him! I have seen him through every aspect of this accident and sickness, and you have simply stood by to cry in bewilderment and _abandon_ Jess for your own selfish reasons!" Lorelai and Rory looked at Luke with shock teeming in their eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quickly.

Rory glanced up at the ceiling before looking back at Luke. "You don't think I love him, either," she said as a tear ran down her cheek. "Neither of you think I deserve to be with Jess."

Luke grasped the hat on his head and looked at Lorelai. She was shifting her weight from heel to heel as she avoided eye contact. "I think I need to be left out of this argument," she said. "Rory, you know my thoughts on the baby and your future." She backed away slowly. "Luke, this is between Jess and Rory. I don't think it's your place to interfere."

"I need to check on my nephew," Luke said finally, pushing past the doors.

"His fever keeps spiking," the nurse said as she wrung out the washcloth. She snapped a glove over her hand and stuck it in the bucket of ice cubes, selecting one and withdrawing her hand. She slipped the small ice cube between Jess's lips. "We're hoping the liquid will cool him down a little more," she said while she watched Jess suck on the ice cube. "He's a little out of it right now. Something about his mother?" she asked skeptically. "Is she around at all? Maybe you could call her to come down," she suggested.

"His mother has never been interested," Luke said, watching Jess lick his lips.

"He did say that," the nurse mentioned. "He's been hallucinating quite a bit since his fever went over 104. That's why it's imperative that we bring it down." She fished in the bucket for another piece of ice and coaxed Jess to part his lips by rubbing the ice against his lip line. "Come on, sweetheart," she mumbled, pushing the ice through his lips. Jess moved his head to the side and started sucking on the new ice.

"Can…I do that?" Luke asked.

"Sure. There aren't too many fathers that want to take care of their sons like this." She handed the bucket of ice and a glove to Luke.

"Oh, I'm not his father. I'm his uncle," he corrected.

"Uncle. Even more unusual," she said.

"Luke?" the small voice begged from the doorway.

"Rory?" he asked whipping his head around. His expression softened. "I'm sorry, kiddo," he said softly, wrapping his arm around Rory. "I'm…angry," he said, "but I don't think I'm angry at you. I'm angry for not being able to keep Jess safe."

"Me too," Rory said lightly, scuffing her shoe on the floor.

"I'm sorry I challenged you. I never meant to say it; it just came out that way. It was wrong, and I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm okay, Luke." Rory nodded. "I understand." She looked up at him and then to Jess. "Is there something I can do to help?"

Luke nodded and handed Rory the bucket of ice and his glove. "Just rub the ice against his lip and you can slip the cube in his mouth."

Rory snapped the glove on and coaxed the ice into Jess's mouth. Luke rested his hand on her shoulder and watched. Maybe he had been wrong.

* * *

"Hey. How are you doing today?" Rory asked softly as she adjusted the washcloth on his forehead.

"Hi," Jess mumbled as he reached up for the washcloth. He smiled at her crookedly and struggled to sit up. "Can you move my bed up?" he asked. "I can't reach the button."

Rory pressed the button and the mattress started to fold. Jess boosted himself up and pulled the blanket up. "How are you feeling today?" Rory asked.

"I'm doing okay," he answered. "I'm thirsty, though. There isn't any water in that pitcher, is there?"

Rory checked the pitcher and poured the water into a plastic cup. "Here you go." She handed the cup to Jess and he sipped the water. "Luke said they're moving you upstairs tomorrow,"

Jess nodded and placed the cup on the table next to him. "Can't wait," he said. "I'm tired of this place. And I'm tired of being sick all the time." He sighed and grasped Rory's hand. "I want to go home."

"I know." Rory smiled half heartedly and brushed the stray hairs hanging over his eyes. "I want you to be home with us."

"Luke told me he called Liz."

"I know he did. You were asking for her." Rory removed the washcloth from his forehead and wrung it out in the sink. "It looks like your fever is going down," she said. She ran the cloth under the cold water and folded it in half. "You look a lot better." Rory placed the cloth on his forehead and looked adoringly at him.

"I think I'm ready to see Liz," Jess said as he pressed on the washcloth. The cold water trickled down the side of his face. "Luke sent her to rehab, you know."

"He's mentioned it before. I didn't know he didn't say anything to you," Rory said.

"I don't really care," Jess admitted. "It's nice that she's getting clean, though. I just need to talk to her. I think it's the right thing to do."

Rory nodded. "I'm glad. Did Luke say when Liz was coming?"

Shaking his head, Jess wiped some of the water from his face. "Soon, I think. I just want to get it over with. Then she can go back to forgetting I exist."

Rory smoothed her hand over Jess's hair. "Your mom loves you."

"She really doesn't," Jess said. "You wouldn't understand because you've had a great mother all your life. Lorelai would give everything up for you. Look at what she's already done for you during your life."

"Different circumstances," Rory protested.

"No, just a completely different person. My mother didn't want to have children, and she ended up with me. I was a pain in the ass child." Jess rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "When I have a kid, I want them to have a mom and a dad. I didn't get to have either. I'm unsure of how to be a father, but I could swing it if it meant my kid's happiness."

Rory smiled. "You're going to be a great father when the time comes," she assured him, "but right now you have to think about your mom."

"I know," he said, nodding in agreement. "I…I didn't really get to know my dad when I was in California. I wish I did," he said softly.

Rory smiled weakly. She had been waiting for months for Jess to talk about his father. "You want to talk about it?" she asked, scooting her chair closer to the bed.

"There's not much to say," he said. "There's a lot of regret, though, for more than just one thing."

"What do you mean?" Rory asked.

"I just wish we weren't in the accident, you didn't have the miscarriage, and my father didn't die. I feel like there should have been more time."

"Jess, your mother is here," Luke said as he appeared in the doorway.

"I'm going to be right outside," Rory promised as she grabbed her purse. She kissed Jess on the cheek before exiting the room with Luke.

"Hi, baby," Liz cooed as she sat down next to the bed. Suddenly, Jess didn't know why he was interested in talking with his mother.

"Liz," he greeted her coldly.

She seemed to ignore the biting edge in his voice as she smoothed back his hair. Jess rolled his eyes. He was sick of everyone touching his hair. Every time someone thought he needed comforting, they would ruffle his hair, smooth back his hair, or tousle his hair. Jess didn't mind when Rory or Luke ruffled his hair out of affection when it wasn't gelled, but he prefer no one else touch his hair.

"How do you feel?" Liz asked.

"I've been better," he said honestly, trying to keep the sneer out of his voice.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around," she said. Jess nodded to avoid saying anything he might regret later. "I haven't been the best mother to you."

"You haven't," Jess replied bitterly.

"But I feel that you gave me a chance to make it up to you. Have you given me that chance?" Liz asked.

"I don't know," Jess said hesitantly. "Liz?" Jess cleared his throat. "Mom?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Why haven't you ever loved me?" he asked suddenly, knowing his mother would react badly to the question. When she didn't respond, Jess stared at the pattern that adorned the ceiling.

"Maybe I should go," Liz said, getting up.

"That's what I mean," Jess snapped. Liz sat back in the chair with a thump. "Even when I was a little kid, you never even told me that you loved me. You would hit me, but you would never tell me that you loved me. And sometimes I would wonder what it was I did to make you not love me, but I couldn't figure it out. When I won an award at school, you would smack me. When I got straight A's, you would tell me I was in your way and push me aside. Even when I did everything you asked me to, you would whip me with your belt. Then I realized it didn't matter what I did. So I smoked and I drank and I snorted coke and injected heroin and skipped school and had sex. And, in the end, it never mattered. Not only did you never tell me you loved me, you sent me away. You didn't care about me and you thought I was a nuisance, so you shipped me off to Luke."

Liz looked at her shoes. "It wasn't like that."

"It wasn't?" Jess countered. He pushed the button on the guardrail to help him sit up and peeled the left section of his hospital gown away from his skin. "Does this show you loved me at all?" he questioned, pointing to a long scar on his back that was surrounded by other scattered scars.

"I," Liz started.

"After a case of beer and a bottle of vodka, you whipped me with your boyfriend's belt until I bled. Then you left me on my bedroom floor bleeding. How does that show me you loved me? Why didn't you ever love me?" he questioned harder.

"Jess, I don't think this is…"

"Dammit, Liz! Tell me why you never loved me. You're never going to correct what I screwed up in my life because of you, but at least I'll know what not to do when I have a kid that depends on me, looks up to me, and tries to impress me. Tell me what I did wrong, or get out. Leave. You're good at that. You're good at excluding me and abandoning me."

"I did love you, Jess. I just had no way to show it. I wish you had a better mother."

"I wish I did, too." Liz leaned over and kissed Jess on the cheek.

"Is it too late? Too late to make up for all the things I did that were wrong?"

"I don't know," Jess said. "Maybe we could…have lunch twice a month or something. Coffee, burgers, something."

Liz smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. "I'd like that. I'd really, really like that." She leaned over and Jess held his arm over his head.

"One condition: don't touch my hair."


	12. Back on the Ground

I threw some wedding plans into this chapter! Hope you like it.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter eleven: DiehardJavaJunkie14, gilmorefanforever, mizskitles220, ultimategilmoregirl, ShaolinQueen, Loridhhp, LorLukealways, Literati44, gilmoreintraining, and Curley-Q.

Disclaimer: Nope. I still don't own a single thing.

* * *

**Back on the Ground**

"You know what's almost as bad as being in a hospital?" Jess asked as Luke helped him into the wheelchair.

"What?" Luke asked. He grabbed the small overnight bag that was on the table as the orderly started to wheel Jess out the door.

"This whole wheel chair thing. I needed it last time, but come on. I can walk!" Jess protested.

"It's hospital policy, Jess. You know that," Luke said. "Now shut up and suck it up so we can get out of here."

The ride home from the hospital was peaceful, but felt like the last. Jess sat strapped in the passenger seat with the sense that he should say something. Luke hated the lack of communication that had crept into their otherwise stable relationship.

"Well, here we are." Luke pulled up to the curb and shoved the gear to park. "Do you need any help?" he asked as Jess reached for the door handle.

"No, I'm okay. Although," Jess said after a second thought, "I could really go for a burger and fries."

Luke smiled, glad that Jess's appetite had not vanished this time around. "Coming right up," Luke said as they walked to the diner. "Make yourself comfortable upstairs in the apartment and I'll bring your food up to you."

Nodding, Jess accepted his small overnight bag from Luke as they unlocked the diner. "I'm surprised you closed the diner for this again."

"I like privacy," Luke stated simply. "I'll reopen for dinner at the very least."

"Okay," Jess responded. "I'll head upstairs. I'm going to give Rory a call."

"I'll be right up."

Jess settled on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. Flipping through the numbers on his phone, Jess found Rory's and hit send. The phone rang three times before Rory answered.

"Hi! Are you home?" she asked cheerfully.

"Sitting in the apartment as we speak. How was your exam?"

"I think the exam went pretty well," she said confidently. "How are you feeling? You sound good."

"Luke's making me a burger. I'll probably feel better after I eat something that isn't green or mashed up, but I'm doing good." Jess leaned back on the couch and visually searched for the remote.

"I'm coming home this weekend. Do you think you'll be up and around by then?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'll probably rest up over the next couple of days. I'll be myself by the time you get here." Jess heard footsteps faintly from the hallway. "I'll call you later. Luke's here with my food."

"Okay. Feel better and I'll talk to you later. Bye."

Jess shut the phone and slid it across the table as Luke opened the door. "That's a big burger," he stated, eyeing the plate.

"Figured you were hungry," Luke said as he set the plate on the coffee table. After Jess bit into the burger, Luke settled on the sofa next to him. "I put this together for you," Luke said, handing him a blue pill case.

"What's this?" Jess asked, putting his burger down.

"Pill case. I put all your medication in there for this week. It's better organization than you had before. As long as you keep filling the case every week, you shouldn't have a problem taking your meds on time."

Jess smiled gratefully and looked at the blue pill case again. "Thanks, Luke. I appreciate it." He popped open the Tuesday panel and grasped the little yellow pill he was supposed to take with lunch between his fingers. Luke handed him the water bottle from the other side of the coffee table and he swallowed the pill. "There's a new one in here," he pointed out, extracting the blue pill from the case. "What's that for?"

Luke grabbed the prescription bottle from his dresser. "Another prescription for your immune system. Here's the bottle and the pamphlet. I meant to give that to you earlier."

Jess flipped through the pamphlet after putting the pill back in the case and setting it aside. "I hate having to take so much medication," he grumbled, tossing the pamphlet aside and grabbing the plate off the coffee table.

"I know," Luke said comfortingly. "But you need to take them, and you're going to do fine."

Nodding, Jess started to eat his burger again. "I think I'll probably take a nap after I eat," Jess mentioned sadly. He hated taking naps, but sometimes he just couldn't help it. It had already felt like a long day, and it was barely past noon.

"Okay," Luke said warily, knowing Jess's resentment of naps. "If you're going to sleep for a bit, I think I'll just go downstairs and open up the diner. If you need anything, let me know."

"I will." Jess dug into the fries and look at the clock as Luke ventured back downstairs. When he finally finished his meal, Jess kicked off his sneakers and climbed into his bed. He may have hated naps, but his own bed felt comfortable after being in the hospital.

* * *

"Mom ended up losing the church date for the wedding. She didn't book it in time," Rory said as she slid a slice of pizza on her plate.

"That's my fault," Jess said. "They weren't planning the wedding while I was in the hospital." He stared at the peppers that adorned his pizza slice before looking up at Rory.

"They wanted to make sure you would be okay by the time the wedding rolled around. There's nothing wrong with that," Rory said, trying to convince Jess.

"I guess." Jess folded his slice of pizza and sucked the cheese off the point. After a few bites, he pulled his blue pill case out of the pocket of his leather jacket. Rory watched as Jess flipped up the Saturday tab and took his medication with a swig of milk.

"Pills?" she asked cautiously.

"Lots of crappy medication," Jess said, tucking the pill case back in his pocket.

"I've never seen you take anything before."

"That's because I neglected to take it sometimes. Now that I'm done with being sick, I think I'll be swallowing a lot more of these suckers." Jess swallowed another gulp of milk. "I used to keep them lined up in my dresser drawer. When I was home or at the diner, I would take them. If I wasn't around, I just wouldn't." He shrugged. "Which could mean it's my own damn fault I was sick." Rory smiled halfheartedly and looked up from her pizza slice. "But I'm sure you don't need to know about my medication woes," he said in attempt to shift the subject. "How are you exams going?"

"I've only taken two so far. Next week I have three and then after that, I'm going to be a Yale graduate." She smiled and took a huge bite of her pizza.

"Any word on potential jobs yet?" he asked hesitantly. Certain parts of their relationship had been reinstated, but the communication was still lax at best.

"Nothing as of yet," Rory said, suddenly feeling small and worthless. She glanced down at her pizza slice and rearranged the pepperoni and sausage pieces that had started to slide. "I'm actually starting to worry. I thought I could skim by with my Chilton and Yale educations when it came to great, unknown world out there. Now, I'm afraid I need to brush up on my fast food lingo. Maybe I can get Luke to let me practice the "would you like fries with that" line in the diner."

Jess smirked and turned his head. "I don't think you need to worry about that. Besides, you're waiting on some pretty hefty journalism spots."

"Which is what worries me! What if I'm so under qualified that they failed to notify that I was under qualified?" Rory asked frantically, ignoring the steaming pizza in front of her.

"Rory!" Jess grasped her cheeks gently in his palms, forcing Rory to look at him. "Stop. You're going to get a great job. I don't think you need to tell you that again. You're not under qualified. Think about it, staff on the Chilton paper, staff on the Yale paper, _editor_ of the Yale paper. That doesn't scream "do you want fries with that?" to me at all."

Rory smiled up at Jess before leaning across the table to kiss him. "Like I really needed another reason to love you."

"Glad to hear it." Jess smirked and turned back to his pizza slice.

* * *

"Jess," Lorelai started as she continued to flip through a catalogue, "what do you think of this one?" She held up the book for Jess to see the page.

"See, the one thing I dislike about formal occasions is the wearing of the tux." He leaned back on the sofa and tossed his feet up on the coffee table. When Lorelai shot him a menacing glare, he set them back on the floor.

"I don't think the tux is optional," Luke said, glancing at the page Lorelai was showing him. "Although, you as the best man is."

"Gee, thanks Luke. Are you trying to replace me or something?" Jess smirked and grabbed the tuxedo book from Lorelai's hands. She tried to protest, but simply let Jess flip though the pages. After a few minutes of silent flipping, Jess returned the book to the center of the table.

"Find anything you liked?" Luke asked as he watched Jess pick the lint off his sweatshirt.

"Nah. I figured you could find a better, cleaner cut best man." Jess smirked as Luke's face fell. "Kidding," he reassured. "Page eighty will do."

"I'm home!" Rory's voice rang through the foyer. "Oh, you started without me!" Dropping her bags, Rory hurried over to the couch and planted herself next to Jess. Immediately, Jess swooped in to kiss her and she scooted closer to him on the couch.

"How does it feel to be almost free?" Lorelai asked as she handed Rory a wedding catalogue.

"Like you wouldn't imagine," Rory said, reaching across the coffee table. "I can't believe I'm moving out of Yale in two days. She flipped past the pages in the catalogue and came to the pink neon sticky note pasted to a particular page. "What's this?" she asked, peeling back the post-it.

"That's just a dress I thought you might like. I forgot to tell you to turn to that page first."

Rory slid the book onto Jess's lap. "Do you like that?" she asked.

Smirking, he pushed the book back at Rory. "I've already seen it and put in my two cents."

"And do you think this dress would look good?" Rory asked sweetly, tousling a section of his hair between her fingers.

"So good I can't wait to get you out of it," Jess breathed, tucking Rory's body closer to his.

Lorelai cleared her throat as Luke looked away with a blush creeping up his cheeks. "Ahem. There is a parent in the room. I'd love for the innuendo to not come up again."

"Mom." Rory rolled her eyes and let go of the hair in her hands.

"Sorry. I just can't get used to you being anything other than my sweet, virginal five year old." Lorelai grinned as Luke sunk back into the reclining chair. "Although it is amusing to watch his face turn ten different shades of red."

"As much as I love being in this moment, do you think we can push past the chiffon and tulle and decide on wedding colors?" Jess asked, swinging his feet back up on the coffee table. Lorelai glared at him again, but he didn't move his legs. Lorelai watched him smirk before swatting at his ankles. "Hey!" His foot slammed on the floor from the force of her push. "Jeez. When someone tells you to make yourself at home, you do."

Lorelai folded her arms across her chest and glowered at Jess. "Feet off my coffee table. Hands off my daughter."


	13. Battle Hymn

It has been a long time since my last update. This past week has been hard on my sleep schedule. Most of that has to do with missing my mom and the like, but I'm sorry about the lateness of this chapter.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter twelve: Loridhhp, ShaolinQueen, LorLukealways, DiehardJavaJunkie14, Curley-Q, gilmoreintraining, ultimategilmoregirl, Literati44, and mizskitles220

Disclaimer: I'm just playing in someone else's sandbox.

* * *

**Battle Hymn**

Rory's phone started to trill loudly on the kitchen table as she and Jess packed her books into boxes. Sighing, Rory lifted herself off the floor and dusted off her jeans. "Hello?" she answered, flipping open the phone without checking the caller-id. After a pause, "Yes, this is Rory Gilmore."

Jess peered up at her questioningly from his spot on the floor. Quietly, she slid into her bedroom and shut the door. He didn't want to eavesdrop, so Jess continued to sort through the stack of novels on the kitchen floor. After a few minutes, he brushed the dust off his pants and helped himself to one of the beers in the fridge. As he popped the tab, Rory's bedroom door flung open and smacked into the adjacent wall.

"Jess!" she exclaimed. Hesitating, Jess set the beer can on the table and glanced at Rory.

"What?" he asked, watching her stand at the doorway.

Grinning, Rory bounded into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. "I have a job!" she shouted happily.

Jess pushed the beer can to the center of the table before resting Rory's delicate frame against the edge. She wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, drawing him closer. "Where?" he gasped as Rory's teeth nipped at his neck.

She took a second to answer before grasping for his belt buckle. "Greenwich," she responded breathlessly, wrenching the belt free from the loops surrounding his pants. Carelessly, she tossed it aside and it clanked against the linoleum.

Jess squinted and her fingers stopped searching. "Where's that?" Their bodies were still close together. Jess could feel Rory's breath on his neck.

"Connecticut. A couple miles from New York." Holding onto her tightly, Jess lifted Rory to eye level so she could wrap her legs around his waist again. "Have you put any thoughts into college transfers?"

Stealthily, Jess carted Rory into her bedroom and kicked the door shut with his foot. Although she had yet to receive an answer, Rory didn't mind the silence as his tongue traced the hollows of her collarbone. Her own hands were preoccupied with undoing the buttons on his shirt. "New York," Jess half gasped, half moaned as her cold, soft hands met contact with the warm, hard flesh of his stomach. His shirt hung open, exposing his bare chest to Rory.

"New York?" she asked, not letting the location ruin the mood. Jess allowed his shirt to slide off one arm as Rory tugged it off the other.

"It has," Jess paused as Rory's fingers snaked below the waistband of his jeans. Shivering, "the classes I want." Rory traced her fingernail along his spine and he flinched. "Close to the…Jesus, Rory!" Jess collapsed against the mattress, bringing Rory on top of him. He kissed her hungrily as she stroked the muscular tissue under his nipples. "Close to the Connecticut border," he rasped.

Rory spread herself next to Jess on the bed. "Why not in Connecticut?" she asked sleepily. The moment had quickly died away due to fatigue.

"I liked that place," Jess said. He raked his hands through his hair. He wasn't in the mood to be heavily questioned, especially now that there was a tightness in his jeans that wouldn't be subsiding any time soon.

"Which college?" Rory asked as she looked at the ceiling.

"Monroe," Jess responded, rolling onto his side. Rory curled into his shape and Jess placed his hand at her stomach.

"What kind of classes?" she asked.

"This an interrogation?" Jess remarked, hoping he didn't sound too harsh. "Math and science," he added quickly in case his tone was questionable before.

Rory rolled over to face him. "Jess Mariano, what are you planning?"

"Nothing."

"Math and science?" Rory questioned. "Since when do you involve yourself with those subjects?"

Jess shrugged. "Thought it was time for a change."

"What kind of change?" Rory asked. She grimaced; it really was becoming an interrogation. Jess mumbled something about medicine before looking up Rory. "You need to take your medicine?" she asked hesitantly.

"No, I want to study medicine," Jess corrected sheepishly.

"But I thought you…" Rory paused when Jess shook his head. "Medicine? Why?"

"Time for a real career," Jess tried to reason. "And I…really owe my life to doctors." He twisted his hands nervously. "It's weird, isn't it? Maybe I shouldn't."

"No! I wasn't trying to deter you or anything." Rory paused to smile. "Medicine, hmm? Well, I think we better brush up on some anatomy."

* * *

"How awkward is this going to be?" Jess asked as he slipped a sport coat over his button down, glancing one last time in the mirror.

Rory slipped her feet into a pair of black heeled shoes. "It's going to be fine," she reassured Jess as she watched him straighten his tie for the fifth time. "Jess, stop." She covered his hand with hers and he turned around, startled.

"What?" he asked.

"You look good. Stop fussing." Jess dropped his hands at Rory's request and glanced at the comb on her dresser. "So does your hair," she added, watching his eyes flicker to the other side of the room.

"This is important," Jess said, begging for another change to comb his hair.

"By all means," Rory said, releasing him from her grip. She watched Jess tug the comb through his hair in attempt to straighten out his many cowlicks. "I hope your hair falls out," she joked, grabbing her purse from the bed.

"That's not funny," Jess said, pointing the comb at her in an accusatory manner. This time, his hair looked too flat. Gently, he mussed his hair with his fingertips. "Your grandparents haven't seen me in a long time."

"Two years," Rory elaborated. "They know what happened with the accident though." Jess nodded as she continued. "They were pulling for you."

"As enlightening as this is, do you think we can leave?" Jess asked, grabbing his car keys from the desktop. Rory nodded and followed Jess out the door.

When they arrived at the Gilmore mansion, both Rory and Jess hesitated at the doorbell. "We should ring the bell," Jess said.

"Okay." Sighing, Rory stepped away from Jess and rang the doorbell. The ominous chimes sounded and they waited for the maid to answer the door. "Are you nervous?" she asked.

Jess gave a quick nod of his head. "Yeah."

Before Rory could reassure him, Emily Gilmore whipped the door open. "Hello, Rory!" she greeted her brightly. "Jess," she said, a majority of the cheer falling from her voice. "Come join us in the living room." Jess shoved his hands in the pockets of his sport coat and dragged behind Emily and Rory.

By the time he joined them in the living room, Richard had already greeted Rory and Emily was fixing her a martini. "Jess." Richard placed his scotch glass on the table and stood to shake his hand. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he sat back down.

Jess had quickly tired of that question; Luke asked him how he was feeling every day. "I'm doing much better," Jess said as he sat next to Rory on the couch.

"Wonderful news," Richard replied. "Emily, get Jess a drink. What would you like?"

A smile crept onto his lips. Richard had always been easier to please than Emily. He felt more relaxed and at ease now. "Scotch is fine," Jess said tenderly. He knew Richard drank scotch, but he was sure how much he should be drinking.

"So, Jess," Richard continued as Emily poured his scotch. "Rory tells me you're transferring from community college."

"That's right; I am." Jess accepted the glass from Emily and she sat next to Richard. "Thank you."

"What sparked that decision?" Richard inquired.

"Community college was never permanent. I needed to improve my grades and earn enough money to pay for a better college." Jess took a sip of the scotch as he paused and let it burn the back of his throat. It had been quite some time since his last alcoholic beverage besides beer.

"It's a wise move," Richard said. "The funds are available now?"

"I've been working for a while now. Luke's picking up the slack with my medical bills. I tried to convince him to let me pay them, but he's stubborn. He doesn't want thousands of dollars looming over my head." Jess paused to take another drink. "In my case, it would be debt."

"That's very nice of your uncle," Emily commented. Jess looked over at her before taking his glass in both hands.

"He's looking out for me." Jess nodded and stared down at his shoes. He hated being center of attention, and that usually happened at the Gilmore house.

"Have you decided on a line of work yet, Jess?" Richard asked.

"Oh, I just changed my mind a little. I'm thinking of a different profession." Jess set his glass on the table.

"A new sense of direction? What might that be?" Richard asked.

"I was hoping to set foot in the medical field." A spray of blush spread from the apples of his cheeks. No matter how many times he had thought it through in his head, it didn't sound right to say.

"An admirable career." Richard nodded and he shared a mutual smile with Jess. It was nice to be approved of. Jess picked his glass off the coffee table and took a long sip. He was still nervous, and he hated the questions that were flying at him.

Rory could sense his insecurity while he twirled the glass in his palms. "Grandpa, Grandma, I told you about the job, didn't I?"

"Yes, you have," Emily said, brightening up with a subject that didn't involve Jess.

"Where do you plan on living?" Richard asked. "It doesn't seem practical to commute."

"Oh, that." Rory glanced at her empty martini glass and back up at her grandfather. "Jess and I were thinking of moving in together."

"Why? How far is Greenwich?" Emily asked suddenly.

"It's about eighty miles," Jess said automatically.

"And that means you have to move in together like a couple of ingrates?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Jess asked, slamming his glass on the table.

"You're just going to take off with this…delinquent and leave everything you've worked for behind?" Emily asked. "That's rather immature, don't you think?"

Jess played with the button on his jacket. He was royally pissed off, but he didn't want to dig himself an early grave. "Grandma! That's not fair!" Rory finally said. "Jess is attending college only ten miles or so from where I'm working! It's practical and in no way your business!"

Emily ignored Rory and turned to Jess. "And you think you can provide for her?" she asked harshly.

"Well, considering he can _cook_," Rory started, "I think he can."

"How do you plan on paying for this arrangement when _he_ works in a diner and _you _are just starting out on your first job?"

Rory had always tried to avoid seeing Emily as cold and calculating as her mother said she was. "Lay off, Grandma," she snarled, at a loss for words.

"I can only assume your mother taught you to speak to me that way." Emily stood and left the room without another word.

"I'm sorry about this, Mr. Gilmore," Jess apologized, digging his fingers through his hair.

"It's quite all right," the older man assured him. "Emily can be a bit irrational when it comes to Rory."

Rory nodded sadly. "You know why we're doing this, though?"

"I assume it's to be frugal." Richard sighed and stood up with his empty glass in hand. "I could sure use a refill. What about you?"

Jess sipped the rest of his scotch and handed the glass to Richard. "Why not?"

Richard set his empty glass on the tray and fixed Rory, and Jess their drinks. After he poured his own scotch, Richard sat back down on the couch across from them. "I don't see your grandmother returning this evening," he said softly.

Jess sighed and took a gulp of the scotch. His throat was already used to the alcohol, and he realized just how long it had been since he had been drunk. Not sure if he missed the unawareness, Jess sipped the scotch again. "My intentions are not bad at all," he promised, "and I really can cook."

"Wonderful," Richard said. "It is a talent that all Gilmore women lack."

Smiling, Rory sipped her martini and sat back on the couch. She didn't think dinner was ever going to be served.

"Tell you what," Richard said. "I support this." He set the glass filled with scotch on the table. "I'll be quick."

Rory watched her grandfather disappear into his study and looked at Jess. "What do you think this is all about?"

Shrugging, Jess clinked the ice cubes in his glass.

"I'm mad at my grandmother," Rory stated, staring at her martini.

Jess nodded and continued to clink the ice in his glass.

"Are you going to say anything?" she asked.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I'm a little, lost for words."

"Per usual," Rory noted, watching the doorway for her grandfather.

"No. I really thought your grandmother was going to lunge at me," Jess said, staring at the ice cubes.

"Verbal sparring is more her thing."

"Duly noted."

They sat in silence sipping their alcoholic beverages until Richard appeared from his study. "Sorry about the wait," he apologized. "Jess, I don't believe your first impression was remarkable. However, there are times in life where you can make up for your mistakes. I view you as an admirable person to go through so much and to still have a decent head on your shoulders."

"Thank you, Mr. Gilmore."

"That's not all," Richard assured him. "I do support a joint living arrangement if it is what you view as best. I expect that Jess, you will do well in your studies and succeed, and that Rory, you will excel at your job. With that, I would like to give you this." Richard removed a slip of paper from his jacket pocket and handed it to Rory. "Your graduation may not be until Saturday, so go ahead and consider it an early present."

Rory glanced down at the check in his hands. "Grandpa, wow. I don't know if I can accept this."

Richard shook his head. "Believe me, you deserve this. Find a nice apartment with a suitable kitchen for this young man."

Jess smirked cheerfully and set his glass back on the table. "Thank you, Mr. Gilmore."

"Normally I wouldn't suggest such a thing, but I think it's wise that you leave before Emily reappears." Rory tucked the check into her purse and stood. Jess followed her and Richard to the foyer. "I'll see you tomorrow for your graduation," Richard said as Rory hugged him goodbye.

"Thank you for everything, Grandpa." Richard ushered them out and shut the door after them. "That went well," Rory huffed.

"Your grandfather seems to be on my side," Jess said weakly. "I suppose one of them is better than neither of them."

"Well, I don't know about you," Rory said as Jess unlocked the car, "but I'm starving."

"Luke's?" Jess suggested with a shrug.

"We still need to pack up my apartment. I'm supposed to be out by tomorrow." Rory groaned while Jess started the car.

"Chinese take-out, book boxing, and maybe another anatomy lesson?" Jess smirked and turned to face Rory in his seat. She kissed him and ran her hands from his shoulders to his arms. "I'll take that as a yes."


	14. The Fire and the Fury

Jess lets out a few of his frustrations in this chapter. He's a little harsh, but he has been pulled in too many different directions. Both he and Rory are stressed out and high strung, causing them to lash out.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter thirteen: laxchick, DiehardJavaJunkie14, mizskitles220, Curley-Q, kathi-ryn, Literati44, gilmorefanforever, gilmoreintraining, Jeremy Shane, and ShaolinQueen.

Disclaimer: Anything familiar belongs to someone other than me.

* * *

**The Fire and the Fury**

"My mom and Luke are getting married in May." Rory tapped her pen against her binder. "They missed the August church date. Luke's nephew was in the hospital." She nodded. "Right. I'll call you soon." Rory flipped the cover of her phone down and leaned against the wall. A knock on the doorframe sent the pen flying across the room.

"Jumpy, are we?" Jess asked, drumming his fingers on the door.

"Oh, no. Just…busy."

"Busy blaming me for stunting the wedding again?" he asked softly. "Didn't know that got me demoted back to Luke's nephew."

"Jess…"

"No, I mean, it's okay. They could have switched churches, you know." Jess sat at the end of the bed and looked at Rory, who was still sitting on the floor.

"They didn't want to. And they wanted a spring or summer wedding."

Jess nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

"You're quiet tonight," Rory noted. "Something wrong?"

"Nah," he said.

"Yes, there is." She tapped her nails on her binder and glanced up in his eyes.

"Liz called to cancel," he said, a sharpness creeping into his tone. "I thought it would be different. Silly me." Shrugging, he pulled a piece of lint of his sweater.

"Well, at least we have the apartment viewing tomorrow," Rory said optimistically. "We can grab sandwiches afterwards instead."

Jess nodded. Rory noted that the sad gleam was still present in his eyes. "I'm going to take a shower," he told her. Stepping out of the room, Jess squeezed the bridge of his nose. He slammed his hand on the hallway doorframe and bit his lip. _A cigarette would be great_, he thought helplessly.

* * *

"Phoebe Elizabeth Gabner."

"Did you know about this?" Emily demanded. Lorelai glared at her mother.

"About what? Rory and Jess or the check?"

"Paris Eustace Geller."

"Oh, Paris!" Lorelai clapped and snapped a picture of Rory's friend. "I don't know what's the harm, mom. They're good kids."

"Sitting right here, you know," Jess interjected, peeling himself off the chair next to Luke.

"Roberta Gleason."

"Emily, please. Rory is next," Richard said sternly, hoping that she would drop the issue of their granddaughter cohabitating with Jess.

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore."

Quickly, Lorelai snapped a picture and waved gently to her daughter. She smiled and walked off stage.

After the ceremony, the stood in the yard while Richard and Lorelai blinded Rory with the flash.

"Aw!" Lorelai cooed, sticking her tongue out. Jess scowled in the third straight picture before she could hit the button.

"You know when you do that, he stops smiling," Rory reminded her.

Jess rolled his eyes and pulled his Yale graduate close. Lorelai snapped the picture as soon as the corners of his mouth turned up in a crooked smile.

"And that's a wrap!" Lorelai pocketed the camera and they left the grounds.

* * *

"I liked that one," Rory said as they stepped out of the apartment building. It was the fourth apartment complex they had browsed that week. It was also the only one they seemed to agree on.

Nodding, Jess unlocked the car and slid into the driver's seat. "I liked that one, too," he said as she climbed into the passenger seat.

"It was tiny. Just right for us."

Jess started the car. "And an extra room for bookcases and a desk." They both strapped on their seatbelts and Jess pulled away from the curb.

"The money Grandpa gave us will cover it for almost a year." She grinned. "So you can pay for college and I can save my money."

Braking at the red light, Jess turned to face her. "Are we going to make dinner in time?" he asked.

"We have some time. It's just my mom and Luke. She'll probably make him late anyway."

Jess nodded. "Are we going over wedding books tonight?" he asked. "I'm surprised they've put off planning the wedding for so long."

"The church date is in May, which is almost a year from now."

"Long engagement."

"It's nice, but I don't think it was planned."

"It's not my fault they lost the last church date for the year," Jess snapped as he sped through the green light.

"I didn't say that," Rory defended, crossing her arms.

"You implied it."

Huffing, Rory sank down in her seat. "Didn't," she said under her breath, unaware that Jess could hear her.

"Rory, just stop!" he shouted, banging his palm on the steering wheel.

She looked up at him, shocked. "What?"

"Just…never mind. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Fine." Rory turned her attention to what was going on outside the car window.

They arrived to dinner fifteen minutes late and scowling. "Glad you could make it," Luke greeted them.

"Don't start," Jess warned, raising his voice.

"Do I want to know?" Luke asked.

"No," Jess snapped, rolling his sleeves further up on his arms. "Did you get drinks yet?"

Lorelai nodded. "They're on the way. Order something when the waiter gets back."

"Gladly." Jess flipped open the menu and browsed the dinner insert. As much as he knew he shouldn't, Jess wanted to smoke more than anything at the moment.

"Beer and gin martini." The waiter set the drinks in front of Luke and Lorelai. "Will you be having anything to drink tonight?" he asked, turning to Rory and Jess.

"Gin martini, dry." Rory smiled slightly. "Thank you."

"And for you, sir?"

"Vodka tonic. Hold the tonic." He cleared his throat as a pause. "Thanks." He nodded, hoping he sounded less tart.

Luke glanced at him. "Should you be…?"

"_Don't_ start," Jess demanded harshly. "I forgot something in the car. I'll be back in a minute."

They watched him walk away from the table and exchanged glances. "What was that about?" Lorelai asked.

Luke shrugged. "He's like that when he's stressed." He sipped the beer and looked at Rory. "Apartment hunting didn't go well?"

"You could say that," she said softly, not willing to admit she had ticked off a high-strung Jess again.

Silence engulfed the table as they perused the menus. Jess had yet to return and Rory was starting to wonder if he had just taken off.

"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked after placing the gin martini and vodka on the table.

"Oh, a couple more minutes," Lorelai requested. "Please."

Jess creaked opened the front door of the restaurant and dragged out his chair. Discreetly, he pulled a gum wrapper out of his pocket and spit his gum out in the small square of paper.

"You smoked," she accused, eating the olive out of her martini.

Before dealing with her accusation, Jess took a long draw of vodka. "Why would you assume that?" he asked carefully.

"You smell like smoke and the only time you chew gum is after a cigarette," Rory pointed out.

"Shove it," he requested, grabbing his glass for another drink.

"Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute." Lorelai formed a time out sign with her hands.

"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?" Luke asked.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just a fucking screw-up," Jess snapped.

"Hey! I didn't say anything!" Rory bit back. "This whole spat is built on assumption. Get your head out of your ass."

Jess coughed lightly into his elbow and felt his chest clench unwillingly. Immediately, Luke focused his attention on his nephew. "Are you…?"

"I'm fine," Jess interrupted him. He was getting sick of the question.

"Jess…"

"I am _fine_!" Jess roared at Luke.

Something in Rory snapped as she reached over and smacked Jess across the face. "Don't yell at Luke!" she supplied as he looked back at her, shocked.

"Don't hit me," he said in a low growl.

"Okay, what's wrong? Can't we just talk this out?" Lorelai asked in attempt to mediate.

Jess humored Lorelai by folding his hands on the table and looking straight into her eyes. "I don't know why Rory is aggravated. She's the one who keeps throwing the wedding date in my face."

"I do not!" Rory defended herself.

"Oh, please!" Jess cleared his throat to mock Rory's voice. "My mom and Luke are getting married next May because my sick boyfriend caused them to lose the church date."

"That is not…"

"It would have been so nice to have the wedding in August like we were planning on," Jess continued. "May is so far away."

"Stop! Stop!" Rory commanded, staring Jess down.

Jess polished off the vodka and tossed his napkin on the table. "I'm done," he said. "I'm sorry that I'm sick, but I'm done. Have your goddamn wedding, but I am done." He glanced at Rory, "With everything."

Rory's eyes widened as Jess pushed out of his chair and fingered the keys in his pocket. "Jess, wait…" She scampered after him and threw the door open.

"Rory, hitch a ride with your mom," he demanded. "I'm sick of your shit."

"Jess," she pleaded, tugging on his shirtsleeve.

"I am really angry," Jess said, clenching his teeth. "But I'm not just angry at you. I'm angry at myself for screwing up, angry because my life has been altered by the accident, angry at Luke for coddling me, angry at my mom for blowing off lunch, angry because I'm taking pills and can't smoke…and goddamn it! Rory, you are not making it easy for me." He threw her a perturbed glance and stalked off to his car.

"Jess!" Rory stomped her heel against the pavement, but thought it best not to chase after him again.

Jess popped open the locks on the car door and climbed inside. Hesitantly, he grabbed the pack of Marlboros and lighter from the glove compartment and lit up his third cigarette of the night. The nicotine flooded his nervous system and Jess tilted his head up, blowing smoke at the ceiling. Already, he could feel the tightness in his chest. Flicking the ashes from the cigarette, he realized he didn't care. A light tap came from the car window. Jess looked back from the ceiling at the man outside his car and paused before rolling down the glass.

"Jess, can we talk?" he asked.

"Get in," he said gruffly, the cigarette dangling between his lips. Luke walked around the car and opened the passenger door.

"Put that out," Luke demanded, reaching for the cigarette. Jess drew back and puffed on the cigarette twice more before snubbing it out in the ashtray.

"Why are you smoking?" Luke asked.

"I'm not smoking," Jess replied smartly.

"Why _were_ you smoking?"

Jess laced his fingers behind his head. "Have you ever felt like you're just a spectator watching your life go by?"

Luke thought for a moment, pursing his lips. He wasn't sure what direction Jess was taking the conversation.

"Rory's starting a great new job, you and Lorelai are getting married, and I'm just here," he said. "Smoking until my chest constricts and going over what I need to fix."

"Hey," Luke said comfortingly, placing his hand on his nephew's shoulder. "You're going to make a difference. Jess, you're going into medicine. It's a hard switch from publishing. You're brave."

"I'm just so fucking confused," Jess said lightly.

Luke nodded. "I know."

"Listen, I think I'll take off now," Jess said. "Tell Rory I'll talk to her tomorrow?"

"You sure you don't want to stay and talk?" Luke asked.

"I hate talking," Jess said. "It makes me feel vulnerable."

"Okay. I'll see you at home?" Luke asked.

Jess nodded. "Yeah." He paused as Luke reached for the door handle. "Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about…you know – in there."

"I'll get you a tux fitting date."

Jess smiled briefly. "See you later, Luke." His uncle closed the car door behind him and walked back to the restaurant. Jess strapped his seat belt on, started the car, and dug his phone out of his pocket. He browsed through his contacts list before hitting send.

The phone rang and brought him to the expected answering machine. "Hey, Dr. Altman, it's Jess Mariano. I, ah, wanted to finally take you up on that counseling referral. Just, ah, gimme a call about that."


	15. Moment of Desperation

Jess is in the midst of sorting himself out, and in doing that, he's pushing other people away. Luke is concerned, mainly because he nearly lost Jess in the accident, so he's pulling Jess under his wing. This chapter is a little intense, but I hope you like the end result.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter fourteen: Jeremy Shane, gilmorefanforever, dazedandconfuddled, ShaolinQueen, DiehardJavaJunkie14, lillitgirlx2, Lexi, sunny214, Curley-Q, swimmerluver, Polly, and mizskitles220.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything yet.

* * *

**Moment of Desperation**

Jess took a long drag of his cigarette before snuffing it out in the ashtray. Popping open the pack, he realized it had been his last one. "Oh, well," he whispered to the confines of his car. He toyed with the carton before setting it aside on the passenger seat. Gripping the steering wheel, he pulled away from the curb.

A bit of driving usually relaxed Jess when he tightly wound and stressed. After the tenth cigarette of the night, he knew it was going to take more than a trip around the block to relinquish the pressure building in his chest. Sighing, Jess pulled over to the side of the road and shoved the gear into park. All he needed was to get comfortable for a few minutes. That usually worked.

He reclined the front seat and concentrated on the tiny ink splotch that marred the otherwise perfect ceiling. Pressing his hands against his forehead, Jess tried to keep his breathing level. His breath came out in labored spurts and it felt like a ton of bricks was sitting on his chest. The predictable fire sliced through his lungs, forcing him to sit up straight.

He grumbled and pulled the seat up, the tightness still present in his chest. Swearing lightly, Jess buckled his seatbelt and headed for Stars Hollow.

When he crept into the apartment two hours later, Luke was waiting for him.

"Where the hell have you been?" Luke demanded before Jess even reached his bed.

"Out," he said simply, kicking his sneakers off in the corner.

"Don't start with that crap again." Luke stood to face Jess, who was peeling off his socks.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I went for a drive."

"For three hours?"

"It was a long drive."

Luke sighed. "I was worried," he confessed.

"Stop worrying," Jess said. "We've gone over this before." He turned away and started unbuttoning his shirt. He let it hang open for a moment before sliding it past his shoulders. The thin white tank he was wearing was drenched in sweat.

"After what happened, I can't help it." Luke turned off the main light and sat on the edge of the bed. Shaking his head, Jess unbuckled his belt and slid his pants down over his hips.

"Are you ever going to get to an age where you're self conscious?" Luke asked suddenly. Jess pulled his sweaty tank over his head and tossed it in the laundry pile with the rest of his clothes.

Scowling, he shot a look in his uncle's direction. "I already went through an awkward stage." Luke nodded, knowingly. "I was scrawny," he defended, "and short." Although he had almost always been comfortable with his body, he had gone through a phase. It didn't last long, probably due to the rapid onset of sex during said gawky stage.

"You've always been scrawny and short," Luke said.

Jess cleared his throat.

"You're not as scrawny," Luke said, realizing they had traipsed into awkward territory when he brought up the topic.

"Okay. I'm going to bed now." Jess shut his lamp off and crawled under the sheets.

Even though Jess had planned to end the conversation and engage in some shuteye, Luke wasn't ready to stop talking. "Rory's upset."

Jess groaned and peeled the sheet off his face. "Rory's always upset."

"You yelled at her."

"She hit me."

"You're defensive."

Jess sighed. "Luke, it's Rory."

"Which is why you need to clear things up with her."

Jess threw his hands over his face as Luke turned on the main light. "What the hell?"

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

"You just blinded me, that's what's wrong," Jess snapped.

"With you! What's wrong with you?" Luke asked. "You used to talk to me, dammit. It's like pulling teeth again. That always means something is wrong with you when you close up into your little clamshell," he ranted.

Groaning, Jess sat up in bed. "How many times are you going to drill me in one day?" Jess was already frustrated, and now he was starting to get angry.

"Fine. Forget it." Luke shut the light and proceeded to crawl into his own bed.

"I don't know why you're the one getting pissed off. You keep interrogating me."

"You're sidestepping the issue."

"What issue?"

"Pick a damn issue! You're running from all of them."

Jess sighed. Yet another accusation. "I'm not."

"Do you need me to specify?"

"No. I'd prefer you didn't tell me how much I suck. Thanks."

"Jess…"

"No. Drop it, Luke, and stop criticizing me. It's all you do lately," Jess snapped. He yanked the comforter and pillows off his bed.

"Where are you going?" Luke demanded, sitting up in bed.

"Sleeping in the hallway."

"Why are you sleeping in the hallway?" Luke demanded.

"So you'll stop talking to me," Jess snapped, flinging the blanket over his shoulder.

"Okay, now you're just being irrational," Luke argued.

"You crossed irrational way back there, Uncle Luke," Jess pointed out angrily.

"I don't see why caring about your well being is…"

"Because you care too much!" Jess exploded. "Stop caring so much! I'm almost twenty-four! Stop treating me like I'm seventeen!"

"You may as well be from the way you're acting!"

His face contorted into a scowl and Jess slammed the door behind him.

* * *

It was still dark out Jess sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. The floor was hard and unforgiving. Hitting the function on his watch, the illuminated face shone through the hallway. "Jesus, Luke," Jess said under his breath. Silently, he picked his blanket and pillow off the floor and creaked open the apartment door. Was he being irrational? Probably.

Jess pulled on the first shirt and jeans he could find. It was four-thirty in the morning. He didn't know where he was going, but he had to go somewhere. There had been no escaping his uncle recently. Deep down, he meant well, but he was getting on Jess's nerves. Hell, a lot of things were getting on his nerves lately. He knew that, and people needed to stop reminding him of that. Pulling his keys from his pocket, Jess stepped out the door and over his sleeping uncle. Luke did mean well, he just illustrated his concern too frequently.

Jess just needed to get out, so he started up his car and went off in search of a caffeinated beverage that he didn't need to make.

Sometime after seven and his second cup of coffee, Jess ended up on the Crap Shack's front stoop. Sipping his third cup of coffee, he looked at his watch. He didn't know what he was doing, but he needed to talk to Rory.

Roughly ten minutes later, Lorelai opened the door for the morning paper to find Jess sitting Indian style on her porch. "Jess?" she asked comfortingly, kneeling down next to the young man, "how long have you been sitting here?"

"Only a few minutes," he replied blankly.

"Luke just called," she said softly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "He's looking for you." Jess nodded and picked himself off the porch. "Jess, sweetie, you don't have to leave."

Jess cringed at her endearment, but turned to face Lorelai. "I actually wanted to talk to Rory."

Lorelai nodded and scooped the newspaper off the porch. "We wanted a Spring wedding, Jess. More importantly, we want you to make a full recovery." Lorelai rested her hand on his back while she escorted him into the house.

He dug the toe of his sneaker into the floor. "Yeah. I don't know."

"Jess," she warned, filling the cup that was sitting on the counter.

"I know everyone's just trying to make me feel better, like I'm pathetic or something," he spat. Lorelai stepped back and set the cup back on the counter. "Sorry," he apologized quickly. His tongue had developed its own quick wit that rivaled with his mind.

Lorelai sighed. Somehow, she understood Jess. "Hon, its fine." She noticed that his brow furrowed as she used another endearment. "Great, now I'm babying you." She grabbed a mug from the cabinet and filled it to the brim before handing it to Jess. "Sit," she commanded.

Jess accepted the cup and pulled out a chair. "You don't have to humor me."

"I know I don't have to, but I am." Lorelai settled into her own chair across from Jess. "Now, talk."

Jess sighed and sealed his eyes shut. He was sick of talking. "Actually, I'd prefer not to."

"Okay," Lorelai relented. "Then sit here and drink your coffee."

It sounded like a better option to Jess, and he smiled out of the corner of his mouth while he sipped. They sat in silence, drinking their coffees.

"I think it's safe to wake Rory," Lorelai nudged as he drained the coffee mug.

Jess nodded and set the cup on the counter. "Thanks for not…you know," he attempted.

"Any time." They exchanged a smile and Lorelai went back to flipping through her newspaper.

As he slipped into Rory's bedroom, Lorelai dialed Luke's number on the cordless phone. "He's here," she whispered, leaning against the banister.

"Good! Send him home. I'm going to kick his ass so hard, there's not going to be any ass left to kick!"

"Luke, I think you're overreacting," Lorelai said calmly.

"Overreacting?" Luke growled.

"He's almost twenty-four. Stop treating him like he's seventeen," she replied. "He was sitting on my porch drinking coffee, not pranking the town."

Luke grumble something Lorelai suspected was a string of swears. "Fine," he said.

"I'll see you later," Lorelai said sweetly before hanging up.

* * *

Rory leaned against Jess sleepily. It was too early in the morning for her to chat, especially with someone that tried to break up with her the night before. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and made room for Jess on the bed.

"I'm a jerk," he said finally.

Rory shook her head. "Didn't help that I fueled it."

Nodding, Jess picked a ball of lint off her bedspread. "You have to stop blaming me for things," he reasoned. "I don't…I'm not trying to mess things up."

Rory stared at her sheets as Jess rolled the lint between his index finger and thumb. "I know," she said meekly. She pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Is it a good idea to move in together?" he asked.

"What?"

"We've been at each other's throats lately. Maybe we should…reconvene later?" he suggested, flicking the lint across the room.

"You mean…?"

Jess sighed. "I don't know."

"Jess…"

"You take me for granted, Rory. Don't deny it." He shook his head and glanced at the window.

She sighed and propped her chin on her knees. "I don't…mean to," she whispered.

Eyes softening, Jess rubbed his hand comfortingly over Rory's knee. "We've been though a lot."

Rory nodded sadly and scooted close to Jess, pulling on his shirt. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Leaning his head on hers, Jess gripped Rory's hand. "I love you," he said, rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles.

Pulling him even closer, Rory rested her face against his chest. "I love you, too." He slipped his fingers through her hair as she lay motionless against him. The corner of his mouth tipped up before he kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Get some sleep, okay?" he requested, cradling her cheeks between his palms.

She nodded slowly. "You too?" she said, brushing her hand over his stubble. The dark circles under his eyes became more evident the longer she looked at him. In fact, he looked downright terrible as she continued to look at him. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair was greasy and sticking up. "Please get some sleep," she insisted softly. "Please."

His mouth turned up in a smirk and he kissed her lightly. "I'm going home now." She snuggled under the blankets and closed her eyes before Jess left the room. As he opened the door, he ran a hand through his messy hair. The caffeine buzz had long worn off and he really did feel like crap. Closing the door behind him, he glanced at the kitchen table where Lorelai was calmly sipping another cup of coffee.

"I'm going to get some sleep," Jess said, rubbing his hand through his hair again.

"Good idea." Lorelai nodded and smiled at the young man.

"Thanks for the coffee," he said, resting his hands on the back of the kitchen chair. "And for telling Luke off."

"You heard that?" she asked.

"Yeah. I did." He smirked. "Thanks."

Lorelai nodded. "Any time. Now get out of my house and get some sleep," she ordered.

Shaking his head, Jess rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I'm going," he mumbled, flicking a wave in Lorelai's direction.


	16. Denial and Pride

Most of the chapter takes place within an hour. It is split up between scenes with Jess in therapy and Luke and Lorelai. The main part of the chapter revolves around Jess.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter fifteen: gilmorefanforever, DiehardJavaJunkie14, Jeremy Shane, Curley-Q, mizskitles220, lillitgirlx2, ShaolinQueen, Loridhhp, Lucy, Polly, kaypgirl, and Literati44.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable.

* * *

**Denial and Pride**

He was perched Indian style in the waiting room chair, his knees poking out the sides. There wasn't much for him to do besides flip through an idle copy of Sports Illustrated. He didn't have much tolerance for precocious written word at that present time. All he needed was a bit of brain numbing sentences before-

"Jess Mariano?"

-that.

Carefully, Jess shut the magazine and laid it on top of the stack. Standing, he wiped his hands on his jeans and followed the woman holding his blank manila folder in her hands. "That'd be me," he said as he walked behind her. Dr. Madison's name was scrawled on the hanging placard on her door. The room was empty, bare, devoid of any emotion or possessions.

She sat in her rolling desk chair and pulled out his file. "Sit wherever you'd like," she instructed as he surveyed the couch. Images of psychiatrists' offices from movies flashed in his mind. The other desk chair? The hassock? Perhaps even the floor? Nah. They all looked horribly uncomfortable, and his back was tight that afternoon. Sighing, he settled at one end of the couch. "What do you prefer to be called?" she asked, watching him fidget.

"Jess," he murmured. "Just Jess."

"Why are you here, Jess?" she asked delicately, as not to upset him.

He tried to work it out in his own mind before he let the words escape his lips. Scratching his fingers through his hair, he simply gave up. "I…well, you know."

She slipped a piece of paper between his file and uncapped her pen. He could only assume she was writing something judgmental such as, _unwilling to communicate._ "You're the only person who can decide why you're here." She poised her pen over the paper, hoping for an answer. Sighing, she rested the writing instrument behind her ear and turned in her chair. "Were you forced?" she asked. Many of her patients, especially the young male ones, were tightly closed off. Jess appeared to be one of these patients, and she could only imagine that a family member had suggested therapy.

"No," he answered after a moment.

That was a surprise. She jotted it down on the blank sheet of paper. "Can you tell me why you're here, then?" It was always customary to note her patient's motives. She noticed Jess squirming on the couch, fiddling with his thumbnail. Sighing, she tucked the pen behind her ear again. Years of experience had taught her to be tolerant of others. "Take your time," she insisted in the realization that he was, perhaps, having trouble stomaching his reasons.

Jess paused to study the lone decoration on the wall. "Why am I here?" he repeated, hoping that he wasn't annoying Dr. Madison. "Hell, I don't know," he said, frustrated. "I suppose if I knew, I wouldn't need someone to pick apart my mind."

There. They were getting somewhere. Potentially. "Pick apart your brain?" she asked, hoping he would elaborate.

"Yeah. Isn't that what you're here for?" he asked. "Figure out why I'm loony tunes?"

He was certainly going to be hard to deal with. She leaned closer. "Do you think you're crazy?" she asked.

Sighing, Jess tucked one leg under his other. That was definitely the question of the hour. Did he think he was crazy? Sure, he supposed, in some ways. Crazy to be sticking around? Crazy to be changing his field of study? Crazy to be…

"Jess?" she interrupted him.

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you died when you were supposed to?"

Perplexed, she capped her pen and crossed her legs. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

"Where's Jess today?" Lorelai asked as Luke set down her burger and fries on the table. She picked at one of her crunchy fries and waited for his answer.

Sighing, Luke sat down at her table and propped his face on his hand. "He said he was going out."

"It's Jess. He's vague." Lorelai reached for her burger and caught the expression lingering in Luke's eyes. "But he's stopped talking to you. Got it." After a large bite, she dropped the sandwich back on the plate and laced her fingers together. "I don't think he's hiding anything from you," she said.

"He's hiding everything from me," Luke said in exasperation. "I'm used to him talking. Now it's…"

"Old Jess," Lorelai answered knowingly. "Monosyllabic, closed up from the world Jess." She nodded and popped another fry into her mouth.

"There was a pack of cigarettes in the trash last night," Luke said in a hushed voice. "I know as soon as I bring it up…"

"Don't bring it up," Lorelai cut in quickly. "If you say anything, Jess is going to fly off the handle at you."

Luke sighed. "Because it's that Jess."

"The Jess that doesn't want you to care about him. He's rebelling." Lorelai paused. "He shouldn't have to rebel. He's twenty-three and shouldn't be under your constant watch."

"He's not…"

"He _is_," Lorelai corrected. "Just because you don't think you're being overbearing doesn't mean you're not."

"He's sick," Luke reasoned.

"He's not sick right _now_. When you have a reason to worry, overbear. He'll learn his lesson if he smokes, but it's Jess, so he's going to smoke, and not just because you don't want him to."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Right."

"Jess is a stress smoker. He's also addicted to nicotine. Cut him a little slack and then there won't be as much stress."

* * *

She leaned forward in the desk chair and it creaked from the exertion. "Jess, are you suicidal?" she asked in a hushed voice.

Jess shook his head modestly. "I'm not. It's a…different kind of dying I'm talking about."

Progress. Nodding, "Go on," she encouraged him.

"Early in the year I was in an accident with my girlfriend." He paused and waited for her nod. "I was officially dead five separate times. Sometimes I…I wonder what would have happened if I stayed dead." He shook his hair and uncurled his leg from under his body. "It's a stupid thought," he said, taking back the whole musing.

"It's not uncommon," she responded quickly. "Death affects every person around you. Let me ask you this," she said, "what do _you_ think would have happened?"

Her question struck Jess. He had never explored the issue long enough to imagine the aftereffects of his death. Stumped, Jess scratched his head. "I guess my uncle Luke would plan my funeral," he started slowly. "And…Rory…" his voice wavered. "Rory would wear my clothes," he said. "My black t-shirt and a skirt." She let him think for a moment while he mentally planned his funeral. "She'd have to cope with losing the baby all by herself. And she would throw herself into schoolwork and studying to get her mind off it."

"What about your parents?" she asked delicately.

"My dad would be dead a month later from lung cancer and my mom…" he paused. "My mom might show up. She would be drunk, maybe high. I don't know if she would show up."

"And how would it affect the time line now?"

"My uncle might not have proposed to Lorelai. Rory would have been open with her mother. And…" he paused, balling his fists. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"Okay." She nodded. "Let bear off course, shall we?"

* * *

They had been sitting in silence for the past ten minutes. "I want to call him," Luke said suddenly.

"Don't call him!" Lorelai snapped, finishing the last of her burger. "He's probably at a bookstore. Let him be."

Luke sighed. "I hate this."

Shaking her head, Lorelai pushed aside her plate. "He needs a break."

"I know," Luke admitted. "I'm just…scared. Okay? Happy that you got that out of me? I'm _scared_."

"Scared of what?" Lorelai asked, snapping every bit of attention she had into the conversation.

"Scared of losing him," Luke said, his voice small and unrecognizable.

"You don't need to be scared," Lorelai reassured him. "He's on medication and he's taking it this time. You don't have to be scared."

"You've never had your kid die!" Luke said frantically. "You don't know what it feels like."

"Calm down." Lorelai grabbed Luke's hand and led him to the apartment upstairs. "Rory was in the accident too," she tried to reason.

"But Rory didn't die multiple times," Luke started to rant. "What's going to happen next? He's had pneumonia. He's smoking! What's going to happen to his lungs? Did shocking his heart so many times do anything to it? What happens if he skips his meds? His meds stop working? He overdoses on his meds? Has a reaction? What if I can't do anything?"

"Breathe, babe." Lorelai rubbed her hands over his shoulders. "I need you to breathe. Please calm down."

Her voice was starting to soothe him. Luke flopped over on the bed and took a deep breath. "He's moving. I can't protect him in Greenwich or New York. He's going to take all his stuff and leave."

"That's what this is all about." Lorelai perked up. "You don't like the idea of him leaving home."

"It's not that…" Lorelai raised her eyebrow. "Well, it's not only that." Sighing, Luke sat up on the bed. "He's not gonna come back."

"It's not that Jess anymore. He actually cares about you," Lorelai snapped. "Treat him like your adult nephew rather than your teenage son. You're preaching. He doesn't want to listen. Hand him a beer and talk to him like you used to."

"I've been smothering him, haven't I?" Luke sighed.

Lorelai rested her hand on his shoulder. "He knows you care, otherwise he wouldn't live with you and work with you and depend on you when times get rough."

Luke nodded and glanced over at his nephew's side of the apartment before pulling Lorelai closer.

* * *

"Tell me about Luke." He was starting to open up more and toward her. It was surprising, but at least he wasn't as hesitant to talk.

"Luke's my uncle," he said simply, not sure he wanted to go into detail.

"You've mentioned him a few times today," she noted. "He took care of you when you were sick?"

Jess smiled softly. "When I was a reckless teenager, I lived with him. He gave me everything and I tossed it in his face like sand." Jess paused and rubbed his hands over his knees. "But we reconnected. When I came back here to seek out Rory, he took me in again and gave me a place to live and work." He paused again in the vain attempt to sort out his emotions. "After the accident, he was by my side every day. Before I could walk, he would carry me. He'd cook for me and make sure I was sleeping enough. He was always around."

She nodded. "He's very kind."

Jess paused again. "He's never…judged me. I think I take advantage of him always being there sometimes."

"How so?"

"He keeps tabs on me all the time. Have I taken my pills? Why is there a pack of cigarettes on my desk? Did I do this and that on time? But I don't know if I'd be looking out for myself if he wasn't looking out for me to begin with." He shook his head. "Are we almost out of time?" he asked, peering up at the clock.

"About ten minutes ago," she said with a smile. "Next Tuesday?" she asked, scribbling something on his folder.

"Next Tuesday," he agreed, shaking her hand as he stood up. "Thank you," he added after a slight pause. After he let himself out of the office, he exhaled. The appointment wasn't so bad. Overall, he didn't feel crazy. Actually, he felt relieved and better about himself. And that was exactly how he wanted to feel.

* * *

Jess felt like he was running fumes. He had barely gotten any sleep and the coffee he consumed in both the morning and afternoon was long worn off. "Hey, Luke," he greeted him wearily as he kicked his shoes aside. Jess wasn't in the mood for an interrogation. Thankfully, Luke didn't say anything.

"Want a beer?" Luke asked as he approached the refrigerator.

Jess smiled and reached out to accept the bottle of beer. "Thanks," he said, sitting down on the sofa.

Luke sat next to him and flipped on the television. "I was going to watch the game," he said. "Do you want to…?"

"I'll watch the game," Jess said quickly, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

Luke changed the channel to the third inning of the Red Sox game. He wanted to say something, but he didn't want to be intrusive. Instead, the two men sipped their beers and watched Tim Wakefield pitch.

"Hey, so I was wondering…" Jess started, losing his train of thought.

"Yeah?" Luke prompted, watched Jess fiddle with the beer bottle.

"Could I maybe leave some stuff here when I move in with Rory? The apartment's small and I won't be able to fit all my clothes in the dresser with Rory's," he said quickly, making headway into his rant. "I'll probably get rid of it eventually, but I can come by and maybe stay for a weekend every so often and help out in the diner or-"

"Sure," he said smoothly.

Jess smiled and took a swig of his beer. "Thanks, Luke."

He settled back on the couch and finished his beer. Lorelai was right – Jess did enjoy his company. As much as he disliked the fact that Jess was getting his own place, he could push the feeling aside with the knowledge of Jess coming to stay every so often. "When are you moving?" he asked gently. Jess had been avoiding him skillfully for the past couple of days. In passing, he had only mentioned they signed a lease.

"Next month," Jess said. "Rory's not starting work until late July."

"So you'll be here for your birthday," Luke noted. "Don't look so surprised that I remembered," he said as the shocked expression crossed his nephew's features.

"Don't go doing anything fancy," Jess said as he sipped the beer. He was trying to be nonchalant about his birthday. Turning twenty-four wasn't a big deal for him. Actually, he wanted to avoid an extravagant celebration if possible.

"Is cake too fancy?" Luke asked.

"You can make a cake." Jess smirked.

"You want anything?"

"Nah. This is good."

Luke set his empty bottle on the table. "I meant for your birthday. We could get dinner or drinks; maybe watch another game or something…"

"Sure," he agreed. "I'd like that."

"Good. I'd like that, too."

Jess smiled at his uncle as he finished his beer. This was the way things were supposed to be, and he was glad they were finally back to normal.


	17. Fear of Dying

After being closed off for so long, Jess is open to the idea of therapy. His sessions with Dr. Madison are an integral component to his recovery in later chapters. While some of his past is reiterated from previous chapters, some new knowledge seeps into his therapy sessions. Judging from my perception of Jess as a troubled and abused kid, which is more or less how he ended up being portrayed in this fic, (sue me, I'm sick and like to see Jess suffer), there are a few pre-canon occurrences in this chapter that haven't come up before.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter sixteen: DiehardJavaJunkie14, kaypgirl, lillitgirlx2, Loridhhp, LorLukealways, mizskitles220, Curley-Q, Lexi, Literati44, Jeremy Shane, ShaolinQueen, and sunny214.

Disclaimer: Just to clear it up again, I don't own anything or anyone. Although, I would like to give Jess a hug sometimes.

* * *

**Fear of Dying**

Dr. Madison tapped her pen against his manila folder. "What do you regret in life?" she asked in an attempt to spark the conversation.

"Heroin," Jess responded smoothly. "Marijuana, crack, meth, ecstasy." Sighing, "Acid," he continued lightly.

"Drugs," she said matter-of-factly. "When did you do drugs?" she asked, hoping to explore deeper than the five or six years he had let her.

"I smoked my first joint at age twelve," he whispered, leaning closer. "My mother left it out, and I had older friends. I knew what to do with marijuana. I started smoking when I was eleven, for Christ sake."

"That's…young," she stuttered.

"Cocaine by thirteen, but I didn't dip into the harder stuff like meth and acid until I was fifteen." He noticed the look that crossed her features. "I've been clean since I was seventeen."

"Okay," she said, nodding. "Were you an addict?"

"Did I need drugs to survive? Nah. Was it better to watch pretty colors on the ceiling and hear voices while trying to ignore my mother being abused? Sure." Jess shrugged and straightened up on the couch. His back was starting to tense. He knew he was heading into deep, uncomfortable waters.

"Did that happen frequently?"

"The drugs or the abuse?"

"Both."

"Let's see, drugs were pricey. I'd have to say I listened to her protests more than I flipped over inside because I was high." Jess glanced up at the ceiling. "But it was always nice to be in a psychosis when I was being hit."

"Who hit you?"

"Who didn't hit me? I couldn't stick up for myself until I grew up at sixteen. Before then, I was around five foot three. There was no way in hell I could hit back when my mother's boyfriends were over six feet tall. Even my mother was a tall five eight compared to me. If I could have had the acid and the delusions and psychosis when I was bleeding at age seven, I would have been fine."

She was hesitant to continue the conversation, but he was finally opening up to her. "Why did you stop doing drugs?" she asked after a moment of silence to collect her thoughts.

"Stopped needing a reason to." He shrugged. "Luke took me in. Couldn't get high in the Hollow. Plus, where was I going to get them?"

"Interesting reason. Let me go back to the first part. You stopped needing a reason?"

"There was no reason to get high. Stupid town knocked it right out of me," he said. "Rory helped," he added feebly.

"It's been almost seven years, then?"

"Six or seven. I'm not really counting." Jess shrugged.

"Why not?" she asked. "Aren't you proud of staying clean?"

"It's just another stat. My whole life has been about when did this start or when did that end. I'm clean. That's all that really matters."

"I guess that makes sense," she said, scribbling a note on her paper. "Would you like to change the subject?" she asked, hoping that he would allow her to explore more of his past as well as his rocky present without closing up. It was all about exercising his comfort level.

"Yeah, sure. Just ask away. You're the professional here." He took an interest in the hangnail at the edge of his thumb.

It was a long shot, but she hoped he would come up with an answer. "What are you afraid of?"

Jess sat up straighter on the couch and wrung his hands together. "Death," he said with a nod. "Don't think it bothered me before I died, but now it scares the shit out of me." She responded with a tip of her head and jotted something down on the sheet of paper in front of her. "Failure," Jess continued, "inadequacy." He wrung his hands again. "Not being able to breathe."

"Not being able to breathe?" she asked, hoping he would elaborate. His other fears had been self-explanatory, but she was interested in his reasoning for this one.

"When I smoke, and I shouldn't smoke," he interjected quickly, "my lungs and chest get tight and it hurts." Jess shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Why do you smoke?" she asked. "If you're experiencing health related side effects, why not quit?"

"My lungs aren't supposed to be strong enough to handle smoking," Jess said. "My ribs punctured a lung during the crash and I guess something in there collapsed," he tried to explain. "I'm not a doctor. I don't know what I'm talking about." Jess sighed. "But you don't know how hard it is. You don't smoke."

"No, I don't."

Jess sighed again and raked his fingers through his hair. "Quitting is hard," he said softly. "I smoke whenever something is bothering me. I know I should quit, but that's like an overweight person saying they should eat more salad."

"Have you tried any quitting agents?"

"Gum, patch, lozenge. They don't work."

"How long did you try them for?" she asked.

"Not long," he admitted. "The gum and the lozenges tasted weird and I was lax about using the patch."

"Well," she said, tapping the pen against her page, "if you're serious about quitting, you need to try again. It appears that your health is riding on that decision. Your lungs have already been substantially weakened. You could be doing permanent damage."

"I know. I know," he interjected, holding up his hand. "But it's still hard. I've smoked for almost fifteen years."

"Fifteen years. That's a long time for a man of your age."

"Yeah, I know," he grunted.

"You should still attempt to kick the habit," she reminded him again.

He nodded and twisted his hands together. "I can…try." Smiling, "I will."

She met his smile and closed the manila folder. Their time was up for the day, and she felt they had actually made a bit of progress. "Well, you should head over to a drugstore on your way home. How's next Tuesday?" she asked, grabbing her appointment planner off the desk.

"Tuesday sounds great," Jess said, standing.

"I'll see you in few days." She smiled as he let himself out of the office. He had been surprisingly open, and she hoped that it would last.

* * *

It had been quite some time since Rory and Jess had a night or house to themselves. Since Rory had packed her things and left New Haven, they hadn't been able to squeeze in as much alone time as they would have liked. In preparation for her daughter moving too many miles away, Lorelai would whisk Rory off shopping or out to eat at any given moment.

Jess hadn't exactly been avoiding her, but he hadn't been jumping at the chance to see her every split second. The only thing bothering him was therapy. No one else knew about his appointments; it was something he decided to keep to himself. Luke would be supportive, he knew that all along, but he didn't want his uncle thinking he was a mental case. And Rory, well, he didn't want her thinking anything either.

They had both been staring at the television screen caught up in their own thoughts, Rory in packing lists, Jess in past occurrences, neither paying attention to the movie or the other.

Finally, Jess let his thoughts escape his mind and tucked his arm around Rory's shoulders. He wasn't sure if she would react or move away from him.

Rory moved closer to Jess on the sofa as the movie flashed abandoned on the screen. "Can you believe we're moving in three weeks?" she asked, reaching for the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.

"It's close," Jess said. "Excited for the job?" he asked, leaning over to grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl in her lap.

"Definitely." She nodded. "Excited about going back to school?"

Jess shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I haven't been for a while."

Rory nodded and munched on the popcorn while the next scene of the movie flicked on the screen. "We need to buy a bed," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"Unless we're going to be like Lucy and Ricky."

"Lucy and -" Jess started before Rory cut him off.

"I Love Lucy."

"More than me?"

"I Love Lucy," she elaborated again, smacking his arm. "Lucy and Ricky slept in different beds."

Jess nodded, unsure if he was following her logic.

"Unless we aren't sharing a bed, we need to buy a bed," she rambled.

Jess looked down at her and sighed. "We need to go buy furniture. I know."

She tapped her fingers against his knee. "We need to buy furniture soon. Three weeks is really close," she reminded him again. "Sure, there are places with next day delivery, but what if what we want isn't in stock?"

"It's not like we're going to sleep much anyway." He smirked as she smacked his shoulder. "And since when do we utilize a table?"

"What about television? A couch?"

"We'll get a couple of cushions and spread them on the floor. Isn't that what the Chinese do?" Jess smirked at her again and grabbed her hand playfully before she could smack his shoulder.

"You're happy," she noted. "I haven't seen you happy in ages."

Jess twisted his lips. "Yeah, well…" He shifted his position and welcomed Rory into his lap. "Blame the pesky endorphins."

* * *

His feet slapped the pavement and Jess could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He had missed that feeling. Panting, he reached for the key above the doorway and let himself into the diner. The water bottle that he had left on the counter before his run wasn't as chilled, but the liquid slid down his throat willingly. Jess lingered at the curtain before brushing it aside and jogging up the stairs to the apartment.

His grey t-shirt was soaked with sweat, and the only thing he wanted was to take it off and spread his tired limbs across his bed. Jess ruffled his sweaty hair in a vain attempt to make it behave.

"You're up early," Luke said as he flipped off the bathroom light. "Back to your five in the morning running schedule?"

Jess grunted and flung his shoes and socks in the normal corner. His feet were killing him and his muscles were throbbing under his skin.

"I was going to make breakfast," Luke said. "Are you interested?"

"Sure," Jess replied, yanking his damp shirt over his head.

"What's that on your arm?" Luke asked, inching closer to his nephew.

Quickly, Jess covered his left triceps with his hand. _Shit_. He had forgotten about that. "Nothing," he said, backing away from his uncle.

"If it's nothing, why are you covering your arm?" Luke asked.

Jess, still covering his arm, looped around Luke to his dresser. Luke watched him carefully, waiting for Jess to let go of his arm. Sighing, Jess glared at Luke and dropped his hand.

"Is that a -"

"No." Jess grabbed a grungy white shirt out of the middle drawer and worked on sliding it over his sticky skin.

"You didn't let me finish. Is that a nicotine patch?" Luke asked, studying the tan square that adorned Jess's upper arm.

"No. It's one of those nifty patches that prevents me from getting pregnant," Jess deadpanned. "Of course it's a nicotine patch." He turned around and raked a ratty comb through his damp hair.

"Does that mean -?"

"Does that mean what?" Jess challenged, folding his arms across his chest.

"You're quitting?"

Jess rolled his eyes. "I wonder what gave you that idea."

The sarcasm was starting to get to him. Obviously, Jess and smoking was starting to become an edgy topic. "Whole wheat waffles and fruit. Take it or leave it."

"Taking it," Jess said. "And a shower." He wrinkled his nose. "Gimme ten minutes."


	18. What Kind of Love

Jess spills his guts, literally and figuratively.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter seventeen: gilmorefanforever, sunny214, kaypgirl, Curley-Q, Jeremy Shane, mizskitles220, kobrakai-kate, DiehardJavaJunkie14, lillitgirlx2, Lexi, Loridhhp, ShaolinQueen, Literati44, and Polly.

Disclaimer: Completely unnecessary at this stage of the game, don't you think? I do suppose it's protocol though. I don't own a thing.

* * *

**What Kind of Love**

Luke's hand lingered on the doorknob as the black metal filtered into the hallway. Stepping back, he leaned against the opposite wall. Jess didn't listen to black metal unless there was something bothering him, and if he knew Luke was going to be around to ask what was wrong, he made sure to wear headphones.

At first, Luke wasn't sure if he should intrude, but he really needed to get inside the apartment. Sighing, he opened the door and glanced around the room for Jess. His bed sheets were rumbled and there was a pan in the sink. Luke shook his head and continued to scan the apartment. There weren't many places for Jess to hide out.

The bathroom door was left ajar, and Luke rapped his knuckles against the wooden frame. "What?" Jess answered gently as Luke opened the door.

Jess had his arms wrapped around the toilet as he peered up at his uncle. His eyes were dark and hollow and his white t-shirt was clinging to his chest. Luke crouched down next to his nephew. While he ruffled his hair, Jess propped his chin on the toilet seat. "What's the matter?" Luke asked.

Shivering, Jess pulled at the hem of his boxer shorts and looked away from Luke. "I've been throwing up," he said, steadying himself against the toilet.

"You okay?" Luke asked. He knew Jess was aware of the black metal playing loudly from the opposite end of the apartment.

Jess shrugged. "Really want a cigarette, but other than that…" he trailed off and cradled himself closer to the toilet.

"Are you having withdrawal?" Luke asked, shuffling his work boot against the linoleum tiles.

He didn't want to admit it, but Jess figured it was the most obvious explanation.

"Are you sick? Because if you are we should really…"

"It's withdrawal," Jess groaned from his place against the toilet. "Go, go, get out," he said frantically, waving Luke away.

He escaped outside the bathroom and shut the door lightly. Groaning, he slid down on the floor and leaned against the doorframe as he listened to Jess retch. After a moment, Luke walked over to the stereo and shut off the loud, screaming music. "Do you need some water?" he asked, opening the door a crack. Jess leaned over to flush the toilet.

From the floor, Jess nodded and reached up for the glass Luke was handing him. "Thanks," he said hoarsely.

Luke sat on the floor by the sink and ripped off a line of toilet paper. "You've got…" He wiped the corners of Jess's mouth before he could protest and tossed the tissue in the toilet bowl. "There."

Jess shook his head. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Sitting on the bathroom floor with you."

"Mmm." Jess nodded. "Why?"

"Because you're throwing up."

"So? Isn't it late? You have to open the diner early." Jess shifted his position by the toilet bowl.

"It's okay." Luke shrugged. "Do you want to spend all night in the bathroom by yourself?"

Jess shook his head. "No. Just didn't want to inconvenience you."

Luke leaned up against the vanity cabinet and crossed his arms over his chest. Jess tapped his fingers against the toilet seat. "Hang on," Luke said, standing up.

Jess nodded and went back to tapping his fingers against the seat. A couple of minutes later, Luke reappeared with two pillows and a sheet. "What's that?" Jess asked, lolling his head to look at his uncle.

"That's a pillow. This is a sheet. You seemed determined to throw up all night, so you might as well be comfortable." Luke tucked one of the pillows under his arm and walked over to the toilet. "Get up."

Not even bothering to protest, Jess stood and took the moment to wash his hands and face. As he spread toothpaste on his toothbrush, Luke was finishing up the makeshift bed by the toilet bowl. Shaking his head, Jess rinsed off his brush and sat next to the toilet again. "You do too much," he said softly, accepting the second pillow.

Luke shrugged and left the bathroom to gather his own sheets and pillows. When he ventured back in, Jess was hugging the toilet bowl with his head against the pillow. He shook his head and tossed his sheet on the floor, trying to get comfortable on the hard linoleum.

He was rudely awakened roughly two hours later as Jess coughed up more stomach acid into the toilet. He looked to be almost in pain as Luke flipped on the main light. "Oh, jeez," Jess started between coughs. "I woke you up." He gagged and steadied himself against the toilet.

Sleepily, Luke wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I should get you something to drink," he said, stumbling out of the bathroom.

* * *

Sometime around noon, Jess opened his eyes to find that he was curled up in bed with a plastic bucket next to him.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Rory chirped as she marked her spot in the book she was reading on the chair by his bed.

"How did…? What…?" Jess held his head in his hands and blinked the light away. "Oh, God. My head hurts." He pressed his face into the pillows and muffled his groan against the material.

Rory rummaged through his night table and produced a bottle of Advil. "Here," she said, sliding the glass of water that was next to him closer.

Jess smiled weakly and downed the Advil with three gulps of water. He knew he looked like crap, and he definitely didn't expect Rory to drop in while he was sick. "When did you get here?" he asked, polishing off the water.

"About an hour ago. Luke asked if I'd sit with you. He said you were throwing up all last night. Hence the bucket."

Jess nodded and inched further under the covers. "Did he move me?" he asked, grasping the pillow.

Rory nodded. "He said he put you in bed around six. You hadn't gotten sick for a couple of hours and he didn't want you sleeping on the bathroom floor all morning."

"Told him not to keep doing that," Jess said, curling up on his side. "It's going to throw out his back if he keeps carrying me around."

"He was just thinking about you," Rory said. "It's Luke."

"I know it's Luke," Jess grumbled. "This kind of pain should be illegal. Give me another Advil," he demanded.

Rory sighed and opened the tiny bottle. "You're moody today," she commented, getting out of her chair to pour him another glass of water.

"You'd be too if you spent all night puking your guts up," Jess grumbled as he accepted the tablet and the glass of water. After drinking the whole glass with the pill, he looked up at Rory. "Sorry," he said. "I am grumpy."

"Luke told me you're quitting smoking," Rory said as she placed the glass on the night table.

"He did?"

"Yeah. Why didn't you tell me?" Rory asked.

"I don't know. Just didn't." Jess shrugged and pulled the sheet tighter around him. He was freezing.

"I could have helped," she said feebly.

"How?" he asked.

"I don't know…" Rory bit her lower lip and looked at Jess. "It just would have been nice to know."

"Sorry," he apologized again. "I'll make sure I tell you next time."

Rory nodded. "I hope there isn't a next time."

"Me too. This sucks." Jess balled his fist. "I want a cheeseburger, but I'm going to puke if I eat anything."

"What about chicken broth?" Rory suggested. "Or mashed potatoes?"

Jess buried his face into the pillows again. "I don't know."

"I could get Luke. He's the one that knows how to cook."

Jess shook his head. "I've bothered Luke enough as it is. He spent all night camped out in the bathroom with me."

"I'm sure Luke won't mind making some broth…" Rory started.

"I'll make it," Jess grumbled, swinging his legs out of bed.

"Jess, come on. You're…" Rory stumbled as she tried to hold Jess up. "Lie down."

"I don't _want_ to," Jess snapped, sitting at the end of his bed. "I was just getting back into a routine. Quitting was supposed to make me feel _better_, not like this!"

"I can hear you two from downstairs. What's going on?" Luke asked as he threw the door open. "Get back in bed," he scolded Jess.

Sighing, Jess tucked himself under the covers and tossed the sheet over his head. He suddenly wasn't in the mood to argue.

* * *

"How's the smoking going?" she asked cheerfully as he settled on the couch.

"Oh, it's going." Jess waved his hand and tilted his head back. "I've spent the last two nights in the bathroom throwing up."

"You have been smoking for quite some time. Some withdrawal is to be expected."

"Yeah, but this is ridiculous. I only started using the patch four days ago." Jess sighed. "I thought it was supposed to get rid of the cravings and withdrawal."

"You might need higher dosage on the patch," she suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," Jess grumbled. "You know, I didn't smoke for about a month or so after the accident. I wish I didn't start again. It was easier then."

"You were also unconscious and being pumped full of meds," she reminded him.

"Yeah, I know." Jess sighed. "I just wish this was easier. I settled back into a routine and its been completely shattered."

"What kind of routine?"

"Ah, you know. I was getting up at five and going for a run around the town square. I had a decent schedule at the diner with Luke. I was getting to the gym four days a week. I had time with Rory and time to read." Jess paused. "I hate sleeping so much. It really messes with my head."

"You're pretty active."

"I'm getting back on my feet. I hate feeling lethargic and needy." Jess studied his sneakers. "But it's making me think."

"Think about what?"

"I don't know. My mother, I guess." He shrugged.

His mother. She had come up in conversation before, but Liz Danes was not prevalent in their sessions. It was almost strange to hear Jess refer to her as not Liz, but as his mother. "What about your mother?" she asked.

"I shouldn't regret no being able to defend her when she wouldn't even defend _me_," Jess started. "It's not something a normal person should worry about."

He was going back to regrets. "Do you resent her for that?"

"Resent her?" Jess chewed on his upper lip. "It pisses me off that she still won't come to my defense."

"How so?"

Jess groaned. "Look, my mother has never played a role in my life." He scratched his fingers under his hair. "She's not a good influence, and I honestly doubt that she's ever given a shit about me." Jess glanced up at Dr. Madison and waited for her to tell him to continue or ask another question. When she didn't, he rubbed the palm of his hand on the knee of his jeans. "I just wanted her to care," he said. "I thought this time would be different, but you know, I'm almost twenty-four, and I just need to let go of that."

"Let go of what? Your mother?"

"I'm just sick of her apologizing and then going off to get high. She's never expressed any kind of interest, even when I was in the hospital." Jess sighed. He was getting sick of talking about Liz. He wished he had never brought her up in conversation. "We're not almost done, are we?" he asked.

Shocked, Dr. Madison looked at her watch. "We still have twenty minutes," she said, nearly dropping her pencil. "Is there a problem?"

"No," he said. "I'm just sick of talking."

"Would you like to talk about something else? Perhaps we can avoid the topic of your mother for now."

"I just wanted her to agree to pizza once a month. Twice a month if I was lucky," Jess rambled. "But she calls and cancels and that's it. I'm not supposed to care – I don't want to care – but she's my mother. How many times is she going to let me down before I get a clue?" He sucked in a breath and tucked his legs underneath his body.

Dr. Madison noticed that he only curled up when he was feeling vulnerable. He was getting easier to read. "It's okay to care."

"I hate having expectations. If I don't expect anything, then I don't get let down."

"It's not a bad thing to expect love from your mother," Dr. Madison started.

"It is when your mother is Elizabeth Danes."


	19. Begin and End

Thanks for the reviews on chapter eighteen: DiehardJavaJunkie14, gilmorefanforever, Curley-Q, Lexi, Jeremy Shane, ShaolinQueen, lillitgirlx2, Loridhhp, sunny214, mizskitles220, and Literati44

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gilmore Girls.

* * *

**Begin and End**

Rory and Jess were flopped across the tiny twin bed when the phone started to ring from across the room. Jess dutifully untangled his fingers from her hair and silenced the ringing telephone.

"Hello?" he answered, hoping for a quick conversation or a message for Luke.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Oh. Hi, Liz." He paused. "Hi, mom." From across the room, he noticed Rory was sporting a smile as she pulled her knees to her chest. "Uh, what's up?" he asked cautiously, sinking into Luke's armchair.

"I wanted to know if you would be interested in that pizza date this weekend." His first reaction was to say no, but the longer he thought about it, the longer realized he realized that he wanted to have pizza with his mother.

"Sure," he responded, tipping his head back. In the deepest corner of his mind, he could tell she would call the next day to cancel. He tried not to dwell on that fact.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come by the diner on Saturday."

"Okay." He felt the need to fidget, and wished for the old phone cord to wrap around his thumb. "Uh, bye," he pushed out, waiting for her to hang up.

"Bye, Jess." He stared at Luke's cordless phone before hitting the red end button with his thumb. Shrugging, he set it back in the charger and sat next to Rory on his bed.

"So that was your mom?" she ventured, leaning against his chest.

"Yeah, that was my mom," he said, waiting for it to sink in. He wasn't sure if it had hit him that she wasn't calling to cancel, but to plan. It was abnormal, but he wanted to get used to it.

"I'm glad you're talking."

"Well, it would have been easier if she didn't cancel all those times before." Jess shrugged. "Whatever. I don't really care."

Rory wasn't sure if she wanted to get into the subject of his mother at that point. He seemed so nonchalant about the issue that it didn't even seem worth the effort. "Your birthday is really soon," she said, hoping to enlighten him with the idea of presents and cake.

"Yeah, I guess." He let himself fall back on the pillows and tucked his arm closer to Rory.

"You're not excited?" she asked. "It's a birthday."

"It's _just_ a birthday," Jess corrected. "And no, I'm not really jazzed."

"Why not?" Rory asked. "Twenty-four is a pretty significant number."

"No, twenty-one is a significant number. Anything past that is getting closer to thirty."

Rory studied him to see if he was being serious. She laughed gently and shook his shoulder. "You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Twenty-four isn't close to thirty," she said. "Twenty-_nine_ is close to thirty."

"Twenty-four is close to twenty-nine." He shrugged. "And twenty-nine is close to thirty."

She laughed again. "I don't know if I get your logic. You celebrated twenty-three without a second thought."

"Twenty-three isn't close enough to twenty-five."

"It's two years. Twenty-four is six years away from thirty…" she paused and smacked him across the shoulder. "You're still in college!" she exclaimed. "You are impossible," she continued as he smirked.

"Luke's making me do something for my birthday. I guess it's only fair to let you in on the deal." He leaned his shoulder closer so that Rory could rest her face on his shirt.

She giggled. "I'll make it the best birthday ever."

"But you're not taking me to a restaurant where the waiters sing "happy birthday" and tell me I belong in a zoo," he informed her.

"Aw, shucks," she said with a mock frown and the snap of her fingers. "But you loved that on your twenty-first birthday…"

"I just turned twenty-one," Jess said, shaking his head at the statement. "I could finally legally drink. You could have had pirates sing happy birthday and it wouldn't have fazed me." Jess laughed as Rory hid her face in his shirt.

"Is this the patch?" she asked, skimming his sleeve up to the tan square stuck neatly on his upper arm.

"That would be the patch," he confirmed as she traced her finger around the square.

"It's bigger than I thought it would be."

Jess shrugged. "I went for a stronger dosage. The little patch wasn't doing anything for my cravings."

"At least you stopped throwing up," Rory said.

Jess made a face. "I don't think I ever want to throw up again after spending three straight days in the bathroom."

"I would hate to have you sick all the time," Rory said, patting down his hair. "But I'd take care of you," she reassured.

"You'd take care of me?" he smiled jokingly. "I'll make sure to catch a cold when we move." He smirked as she batted his hand away.

"I don't know if I could take it if you were sick again," she whispered.

"You don't have to worry," Jess promised, noticing the concerned look on her face. "I'm taking care of myself."

"But…what if something else happens?" she asked softly, huddling against him.

"Like what?" he asked, smoothing back her hair. Jess hadn't seen her so open in weeks.

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I just…don't want you in the hospital anymore."

"Hey, I don't like being a patient either," he said, trying to lighten the mood. "Come on," he tugged lightly on her arm. "Let's get some ice cream cones."

She grinned and sat up on his bed. "Okay."

"Because now the only withdrawal symptom I have is a food craving." He grinned and slipped his sneakers over his bunchy socks. Grabbing his keys off the dresser, he turned and kissed her gently. "Then maybe I'll develop a craving for a movie and pizza," he joked, thinking about how long it had been since their last real date.

"Okay," she agreed, grabbing his hand as he opened the door. "I'd like that."

* * *

"I can't believe you have a map of the apartment in your bag," Jess gawked as Rory pulled out colored pencils.

"We need to plan," she said. "The movers will come and we won't know where the couch should go, or the table and chairs. Isn't it good to have a plan?" she asked.

"I suppose." Jess folded the receipt with their order number into an origami swan. His fingers moved quickly as he tucked and folded the paper. Rory looked on in awe as her tiny box of colored pencils lay abandoned on the checkered table.

He set the swan next to her and tilted the map so that he could see it. "I think the bed should be on the other side of the room," he suggested, handing the map back to Rory.

"Why?" she asked. "I like it by the window."

"But since this isn't drawn to scale, how do you know the bed isn't going to block the door?" he said, tapping one of the pencils against the sketched doorframe.

She bit her lower lip. "I guess you have a point." She erased the pencil lines and drew a box on the opposite side of the room, labeling it as the bed. "Okay, now what about the rest of the room?"

"Two-eighty-six!"

Before he had folded the receipt, Jess had memorized the number. "Hold that thought." He slid out of the vinyl booth, grabbing the origami swan for good measure.

While Jess was up at the counter to pick up their pizza, mozzarella sticks, and garlic bread, Rory worked on rearranging the rest of the bedroom furniture. "What do you think of…hey!" she protested as he took the map from her hands and refolded it.

He smirked and slipped it in his back pocket. "Pizza's hot," he said, sliding a slice on her paper plate before the cheese could fall off. "I like hot pizza, and you like hot pizza. I think we should talk about something other than room measurements and how far to left the couch should go."

She agreed with him. Rory shoved the pencils back in the box and put them back in her purse. "Hot," she said, fanning her mouth after biting off the tip. She gulped down a mouthful of soda as the corner of his lips turned up in a smile.

"I told you it was hot," he said, folding his pizza slice in half. He sucked the cheese out of the opening of the fold and set it back on his plate. "You know, I can _make_ pizza," he said.

"You can?" Rory turned the paper cup filled with soda in a circle.

"Yeah. I just haven't in a really long time." He grinned as she pulled the green peppers off her pizza slice and pressed them into his gloppy cheese. "I've made pizza for Luke," he said, "but not for you."

"Why not?" she asked, pouting.

"Because Luke likes the same toppings," he explained. "I could whip up a pepperoni or supreme, but we usually just eat it with vegetables and spices."

Rory made a face. "Vegetables and spices. Yuck."

He shook his head and rearranged the extra green peppers that littered his pizza slice. "I'm aware of your disgust." He took a bite and chewed while watching her. "I'll buy a pizza stone."

"I think it's cute that you can cook," she blurted out, following the statement with a smile.

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that you can't?" he asked.

Rory shrugged. "Maybe. I just think it's cute. You don't look like the home-ec kind of guy."

"I'm not warm and fuzzy enough?" Jess joked, refolding his slice of pizza.

She shrugged again. "I don't know. You look more like a take out kind of person."

"Ah. Okay." Jess broke his crust in half and gnawed on one of the hard pieces of bread. "I'll be saving money when we move in," he mentioned. "The apartment has a gym, so I can drop my membership."

"Okay, Mr. Healthnut," Rory teased him. "Don't think you're dragging me down there with you, though."

"I won't." He smirked. "But when I come upstairs…" he trailed off and winked at Rory, evoking a smile from her.

"Because you know I like you hot and sweaty."

"Even though I have no idea why," Jess said with a laugh.

"It's the way your hair curls when it's sweaty." She smiled. "And you have very nice, natural B.O."

Jess cringed before smiling back at her. "Thanks, I think. Telling me I smell isn't going to get you anywhere."

"Except maybe the shower." She nudged his foot with hers under the table.

"Why, Miss Gilmore, what are you insinuating?" He smirked wildly as he batted her foot under the table.

"Nothing unfamiliar." She picked up her abandoned slice of pizza and tore off a bite with her teeth. "So where do you think the couch should go?" she asked.

"Hey, you make fun of my cooking and my B.O. and now you want to organize the living room? That's cruel." Jess helped himself to half of the garlic bread and dunked a piece into the marinara sauce.

"I didn't make fun of you," she said defensively. "Oh, you're kidding…" she trailed off as he started to laugh.

"I'm keeping you on your toes," he said. They paused to eat a few more bites before Jess glanced across the table. "Luke said he was staying with your mom tonight," he mentioned. "I think you should stay with me." He grinned and pulled another slice of pizza on his plate. "You know, so I wouldn't be lonely."

She shook her head. "Loneliness is your last concern."

"Is that a no? I'm shocked."

"I didn't say no," she said, sticking her tongue out at him. "I want to stay. You've been staying with me while my mom is at Luke's. It might be nice for a change of scenery, especially since you've stopping puking at nights."

"Well, good. Because I miss having you in my bed." Jess paused to toy with his nicotine patch. "I want to smoke now, for some reason."

"Why?" Rory asked, tearing off a slice of pizza from the pan.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Must be time to change the patch. Remind me to stick on a fresh one when we get home?"

"Sure," Rory said. "Should you have gotten a stronger patch if you're still having cravings?"

Jess shook his head. "This is as strong as the patch gets. It sucks. I shouldn't have started smoking in the first place. I was like ten or eleven. Did I ever tell you that?"

"You said fifteen once," she said, focusing on Jess.

"I may have. I lie about smoking a lot," he confessed.

"Would candy cigarettes help?" Rory asked.

"Candy cigarettes?"

"You know, the ones with gum," she said.

Jess thought about it. "Maybe.

"Or maybe just gum?" Rory suggested. "We can always swing by the drugstore and pick up some junk food for you to nosh on instead of smoking."

"Yeah. I guess that's probably a good idea," he said.

Rory reached for the mozzarella sticks and gazed up at Jess. "Just wanted to let you know that I love you," she said quietly, smiling out of the side of her mouth.

"Good," he said, reaching to snatch one of the mozzarella sticks. "Because I love you, too."


	20. Swamped

I know it's been extremely long since my last update, especially on this particular story. I've been working on updates for all three of my open chapter stories, but Diamonds and Rust had received the most attention. However, I'm stuck in a slight rut with the chapter that I wanted to post this weekend, so Somewhere Over the Sun was the ideal story to update next, as it has not seen a new chapter since the summer. For that, I'm sorry. The whole "college is kicking my butt" excuse will have to suffice. On that note, my winter break is looming closer with every passing day. There will definitely be more time available for me to write during the entire month I have off. For now, I have to stick with writing lines between classes and papers, two of which are due this coming Monday that I have neglected for the surge of inspiration for this chapter. Sorry for the long note. Enjoy the update.

Thanks for the reviews on chapter nineteen: DiehardJavaJunkie14, ShaolinQueen, gilmorefanforever, lillitgirlx2, Loridhhp, person#276, Curley-Q, Jeremy Shane, Lexi, mizskitles220, and Literati44.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was, never will be. How sad.

* * *

**Swamped**

Jess tapped his fingers against the checkered table as his mother finished her slice of pizza. The conversation had been lax, and the pizza outing hadn't been quite what he was expecting. On the other hand, he wasn't even sure what he had been expecting.

"You're upset at me for cancelling on you," Liz said as she reached for a napkin.

"I'm not upset," Jess mumbled as he tossed his paper plate on the checkered tray.

"Disappointed," she corrected.

"Nope." Jess leaned across the table and lifted the tray that was piled with trash. Liz bit off the last piece of crust and tossed her plate on top of his. "It doesn't matter."

She paused at the soda fountain to fill her cup with Pepsi while Jess slid the garbage into the trash barrel. "You think you hide your disappointment well," she commented before draining the last of her Pepsi from the cup.

Jess scowled. "You don't know me," he snapped, pulling his car keys from the pocket of his broken in jeans.

"You never gave me a chance," she pleaded as he walked faster, slamming his hand against the door to push it open.

Jess wheeled around quickly, his defensive expression put in place. "_I_ never gave _you_ a chance? Did you even listen to what you just said?"

Liz gulped, knowing that what she had said wasn't quite as accurate as she had hoped. "Jess, I'm sorry."

"Fine," he said gruffly, unlocking the car.

Come to think of it, this was exactly what he had been expecting.

* * *

"She makes me so mad sometimes," Jess proclaimed, kicking his sneaker at the wall.

Luke peered up from the paper work he was doing as the shoe bounced onto the floor. "It's Liz," he said, as if it would suffice as the standard explanation.

"You say that whenever I complain about her." Jess scowled as his other sneaker ricocheted off the wall.

"There's really nothing else I can say," Luke said dryly, penning a number on the sheet of paper in front of him.

"Thanks for hearing me out," Jess grumbled as he fetched his sneakers from where they had landed.

As he slipped his sneakers back on, Luke caught his nephew in his peripheral vision. "Where are you going?"

"Out," he said. Jess grabbed his keys off his desk and slammed the door behind him as he left.

"You look angry," Rory commented after she opened the front door for Jess. He pushed past her and into the living room, dragging her with him. "Hey, wait. Let me…" She gasped as his moist lips worked hot and heavy against hers. "Jess," she protested, pulling away to rest her hands on his chest. "You look angry," she repeated, cutting him off and dodging another passionate kiss.

Defeated, Jess sunk onto the couch and rested his head in his hands. "It was horrible," he said finally, as Rory tilted his head onto her shoulder. She peered at him knowingly, toying with his frazzled curls as his mouth contorted into a deeper frown. Rory rubbed the back of his neck, urging him to continue without vocalizing. "I was wrong," Jess continued. "I can't have a relationship with my mother. Liz," he corrected swiftly, a grimace crossing his irritated features.

"Jess, you don't mean…"

"I do. I do mean it. I can't even be in the same room with her and continue a civil conversation."

"But she's your - "

"Mother. I don't care." Jess sighed and raked his fingers through his messy hair. "I don't want to talk about her anymore," he commented raggedly, catching his lip between his teeth.

"Okay." Rory nodded, linking her fingers between his. Jess slipped his sneakers off and as they thudded to the floor, Rory let her own black flats slide off her feet. They settled together on the couch for a moment in silence, Rory curled into Jess's shape as he twirled a silky piece of her hair around his index finger. It was a comfortable silence for both of them with no interruption needed. Rory was focused on Jess and his even breathing, the subtle rise and fall of his chest as her face stayed glued to his abdomen. Jess tucked her closer as her heart beat steadily next to his. Boosting her to eye-level, he slipped his hands into the back pockets of Rory's jeans. A sigh escaped her pink lips as she settled on top off Jess, her fingers working at the buttons of his navy collared shirt.

* * *

Jess watched the ember at the end of his cigarette burn further up to create ash. He had yet to smoke from the other end, and was content to watch the smoke curl up from the tip into lines and circles before fading away into the air. Tapping the cigarette against the stair, the collected ash fell off the tip in a pile by his shoe. There was nothing more he wanted to do than take a drag off the cigarette and call it a day, but the nicotine patch adhered to his upper arm tugged at his conscience. It was a stale pack of cigarettes anyway. They had been sitting in his dresser drawer under a pile of clothes and somehow worked their way into the inside pocket of his leather jacket. He had either hidden them from prying hands or forgotten about a secret stash from long ago. Either way, he continued to sit outside as the blaze of nicotine tapered off from the cigarette. Sighing, he snuffed out the burning filter and tucked the butt into the half empty package to dispose of later.

"Hey." She lowered herself onto the step as Jess attempted in vain to hide the pack of cigarettes from view. Cautiously, he studied the boots that adorned Lorelai's feet.

"Hey," he responded carefully. Jess knew the smell of smoke and nicotine was still present in the air. She could smell it, and he assumed she thought it was on his breath as well. "I wasn't smoking it," he said dryly in haste. He began to think of excuses for wanting to watch a cigarette burn against the twilight.

"Even if you were, it's not my place," Lorelai said gently, her tone forcing him to divert his eyes from the boots.

"Okay."

"It's not my place to baby you," she continued. "You're grown up, and you're not my kid."

"I know," Jess interrupted.

"But there's something on your mind and I realize talking to Luke is like biting off more than you can chew. So when you can't talk to Rory, you can come to me," she finished.

Jess chewed on the inside of his mouth before reaching for the package of cigarettes in his pocket. They were stale and uninviting, but he watched to watch the curl of blue smoke dissolve into the heavy night air. His lighter flickered once, twice, three times before igniting the end of his cigarette. He held it between his thumb and forefinger as the bright red ember worked quickly against the milky paper.

They sat on the steps in continued silence before Rory emerged on the porch wrapped in a sweatshirt that hit close to her knees, possibly something she had stolen off Jess during a visit. "Am I missing the party?" she asked, tucking her hands into the vast front pocket of the sweatshirt. Her bare feet and legs were cold out in the brisk evening air. It was chilly for a summer night, but comfortable when fully dressed.

Jess slipped one arm behind him as the smoke arched past the railing. "There's no party," he corrected. "Your mom just came out here to sit."

"I'm going to go back inside," Lorelai said quickly, sensing the tension between her daughter and Jess. "Let me know if you need anything." The screen door shut softly behind her.

"Put that out," Rory scolded.

Jess scowled. "I wasn't smoking it."

"I don't care. Put it out." She inched the sweatshirt further down on her exposed thighs, suddenly feeling uncomfortable standing there outside.

He scowled again before snubbing out the cigarette into the stair. "I wasn't smoking it," he repeated again.

She shifted her bare foot to avoid a rock and settled her bottom on the cold stair. "Sorry I snapped at you. I'm tired." She leaned her head on his shoulder as his arm supported her back.

"It's okay," he assured her. "Looked bad anyway, I guess." She nodded and shivered against him as a cool breeze cut along her legs. "Want to go back inside?" he asked, rubbing his hand on her knees.

She nodded again. "As long as you promise to warm me up," she said, pulling his hand to help him off the stairs.

"Deal," he said. After standing, he hoisted Rory up and carried her back into the bedroom where they stayed for the rest of the night.

* * *

"Morning." Lorelai acknowledged her daughter with a cup of coffee in a cheery mug.

The coffee was met with a yawn as Rory looped her fingers around the yellow handle. "Morning," she greeted Lorelai after a single sip of the freshly brewed coffee.

"Jess still sleeping?" Lorelai asked. It was close to eleven o'clock, which was late even for Rory on a typical day. Jess had outgrown the habit of sleeping in past nine thirty in the morning on a Saturday after he hit twenty years old.

"Yeah. I thought maybe he'd leave early for a run, but he's still in the same position he fell asleep in." Rory drew in another gulp of coffee before placing the mug back on the kitchen table.

"It's nice you got to sleep late," Lorelai commented, pouring the remainder of the coffee pot into a blue travel mug.

"You're going to the Inn now?" Rory asked.

"Michel called and said he was having a problem with the new guests." Lorelai rolled her eyes to follow up her statement. "You know how impatient he can be."

"When are you going to be back?" Rory asked, hoping for a bit of time with her mother later in the day.

"Sometime in the late afternoon," Lorelai said, grabbing her keys off the counter. "You want to do something with Momma?" she asked, hitching her purse further on her shoulder.

"Yeah. That would be nice," Rory said.

"Okay. I'll see you later," Lorelai said before giving her daughter a hug goodbye.

When the jeep pulled away from the house, Rory deserted the half empty mug of coffee and slipped back into her room. Jess was still lazed across her bed with no intention of waking until provoked.

"You okay?" Rory asked gently, sliding a curl away from his ear.

"Just tired," he murmured softly against her sweatshirt. "Come back to bed?" he asked sleepily, his hand reaching up to tug on her sleeve.

Rory pulled the sheet aside and slipped into bed with Jess. It had been a while since they had enjoyed a long, full night of sleep. The previous night may not have even counted due to the interruption, but Rory savored the soft, sleepy form of her boyfriend as he nuzzled against her.


	21. And The Road Goes On

It's been a long time since my last chapter, which I almost feel is inexcusable. That said, it is almost summer time. I'm going to have more time to write because I won't have many classes this summer, so I'll be able to post more chapters. My summer also starts tomorrow, which is pretty awesome.

-One teeny sexual reference in this chapter.

Reviews help me update more. Thanks for the reviews on chapter twenty: gilmorefanforever, That Don't make me a Bad Guy, ShaolinQueen, DiehardJavaJunkie14, curbsidepuke, mytwilightmenxXx, Lexi, Loridhhp, Curley-Q, mizskitles220, musicchica10, and Her-My-Oh-Knee. I'll be getting back to review responses as well with the next chapter, so hang tight.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. Promise.

* * *

**And The Road Goes On**

Jess rolled over in bed and squinted into the faint sunlight. The blinds were drawn gently so that the early morning sun could shine through. Jess fumbled for his alarm clock to check the time. The digital numbers flashed that it was nearly 5:45. Sighing, Jess pushed the clock back on his nightstand and threw off the covers. Luke was still in bed snoring lightly. Knowing that his alarm wouldn't go off for about another forty minutes, Jess undressed quickly while fishing through his drawers for a pair of sweatpants. Jess pulled a cold bottle of water out of the refrigerator after he was fully dressed, drinking a portion and capping it for later.

His feet slammed against the pavement as the sun fully rose over Stars Hollow. Jess was running about a half hour later than he was accustomed to, but he welcomed the change in scenery. Twenty minutes into his run, Jess stopped and drew in a breath before continuing.

After chugging the remainder of the water bottle, Jess moved his sweaty strands off his forehead. His white tank clung to his muscular chest and arms and was damp with a sweaty sheen. Relieved that his comforting run was over, Jess kicked his sneakers under the bed and tugged off his tank. Sighing against the pillows, Jess noticed a little blue envelope resting against the lamp on his night table. Perplexed, he reached for it and slipped his index finger under the sealed flap.

Luke was obviously up and about due to his abandoned bed and the running shower. He must have stuck the birthday card by the lamp prior to getting in the shower that morning. Jess rotated the Hallmark card between his fingers before peeling it open. The front simply told him "Happy Birthday" in bright blue letters. Inside, the card insisted that he make it a great day. Sighing, Jess caught the check that had fluttered to the floor upon opening the card. As he groaned, Luke opened the door from the bathroom.

"Luke," he grumbled, "this is too much." Jess held out the check, hoping that Luke would take it as he passed by him.

"It's your birthday," Luke reminded him.

"Yeah, but it's a lot of money." Jess fingered the check. "You've done other stuff like take care of my medical bills," he reasoned. "I don't need money from you." Shaking his head, Jess folded the check in half and slipped it back in the greeting card.

"What's the matter with wanting to get you something for your birthday?" Luke asked. "You're tough to buy for, so I figured money would be a good thing since you'll be on your own." He shrugged and reached for the red flannel shirt hanging on the back of the chair. "You don't have to spend it. Put it in the bank for all I care."

Jess flopped back on his bed again and wiped the beads of sweat off his collarbone. "What are we doing today?" he asked, extending his arms over his head.

"You said you didn't want anything special," Luke reminded him. "I thought we could get dinner and beers and maybe watch the game."

Jess nodded. He really wasn't all that interested in celebrating his birthday. "That sounds good."

"Lorelai wants to have us over for cake later," Luke mentioned as he grabbed the carton of milk out of the refrigerator. "Do you have any other plans for tonight?"

"Rory said something about staying over and doing something tomorrow so I could have dinner with you." Jess pushed back his sweaty hair and glanced in Luke's direction. "Are you making waffles?"

"Yeah."

"What kind?" Jess asked in anticipation, pulling himself off the bed.

"It's your birthday. What kind of waffles do you think I'm making?" Luke asked as he struggled with one of the drawers above the kitchen cabinet.

"Do I have time to take a shower before they're ready?" Jess asked anxiously as he pulled off his sweatpants.

Luke hooked both hands on the handle of the jammed drawer before yanking it open. Surprised by the impact, Luke stumbled backwards, bracing himself against the kitchen table. "Yeah, go ahead," he said. "I'll make sure they're ready by the time you're done."

* * *

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Jess, happy birthday to you." Luke set the elaborate birthday cake on Lorelai's kitchen table in front of Jess. Rory squeezed his shoulder before he went to blow out the candles.

"You're supposed to make a wish," Lorelai reminded him. "Did you make a wish?"

Jess sighed and looked at the cake. "If I say no, do I have to blow out the candles again?"

"Yes."

"Then I made a wish."

Rory held back a laugh and handed Luke the only knife they had that was actually big enough to cut the cake.

After the cake was distributed and eaten, Luke stood at the kitchen sink and washed the frosting off the knife.

"What are the rest of your plans for the night?" Lorelai asked.

"Uh, not much," Jess replied, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck.

"Well, actually," Rory started.

"Oh?" Jess asked, his interest piqued. He turned in the chair to face his girlfriend.

"Yeah," she said shyly, wringing her hands. "It's nothing special, really," she assured him. 'There won't be any birthday pirates or clowns."

Lorelai was trying her hardest to hold back her giggle, but it escaped her lips anyway.

"It's a long story," Jess promised.

"Oh, I bet it is," Lorelai chuckled.

"Hey, look, you really didn't have to do anything," Jess said as Lorelai turned away to shove something in the fridge.

"Yeah, I know I didn't." Rory smiled. "It's your birthday," she reminded him, "and Gilmores love birthdays."

"Oh, jeez," Jess said, rubbing his hand against the stubble on his cheek. "Now I'm scared."

"Hey!" Rory smacked his shoulder before grabbing his left hand. "Come on. Mom, we're leaving now."

"Okay," Lorelai said, turning to Luke. "Don't hurry back!"

"So what did you plan?" Jess asked as Rory dragged him through the center of town. "You didn't take your car so it's close."

Rory glared at him. "I knew I should have blindfolded you. Don't ruin it."

"You're obviously taking me to the bridge." Jess smirked.

"Ugh. And I should have gagged you, too," Rory mumbled, defeated. "Okay, here we are." She sat on the edge of the bridge and waited for Jess to sit next to her.

"What's this?" Jess asked, curious as to why there was nothing actually set up at the bridge.

Rory grinned, her sly smile appearing slow at first before grasping the collar of his blue button down shirt.

"Oh!" His eyes bugged in realization as Rory settled herself in his lap, fingers still tight against the fabric of his shirt.

"You always said you wanted to do it here," she whispered, teeth nipping his ear as she spoke.

Jess groaned, feeling the tightness in his pants press against her. "Do you have…" he trailed off as Rory stopped straddling him to grab something from the other side of the bridge. She returned with a thin blanket and set it across the wooden planks.

Jess made a face. "But do you have…"

Cutting him off, Rory quickly pulled a strip of Trojan condoms from the back pocket of her denim shorts.

"Oh." Jess didn't move from his place on the bridge, instead allowing his eyes to run up and down the length of her slender body.

"What?" Rory asked, a sheen of blush creeping up her cheeks. "Are you…" She bit her lip. "Do you not want to…?" she managed to squeak out.

Jess laughed and grabbed her hand, bringing her back to the bridge. "Of course I want to," he assured her with a light whisper. "I'm just surprised."

She smiled before leaning in to kiss him. Jess grasped her by the back of her delicate neck and under her knees before he laid her against the blue blanket she had spread across the bridge.

* * *

"Jeez, you guys have a lot of stuff for just one little apartment," Luke grumbled as he packed more boxes into the trunk of his nephew's car. Since they both had their own mode of transportation, the pair had decided against renting a moving van and just loading everything into their respective cars.

"It's mostly Rory's stuff," Jess grumbled, wiping the sweat off his brow with his grey sleeveless tank. Rory took that as an opportunity to pinch the bare skin at his back where the tank rode above his waistline. "Ow! Hey!" he complained, grabbing her under the arms in her most ticklish spot. He tickled her until they were both on the pavement, Rory giggling and kicking her feet at him.

"Mercy! Mercy!" she protested between gasps of breath.

"Children." Luke rolled his eyes as he fit the last possible box in the trunk and shut it easily. "I'm doing more packing than you," he pointed out, delivering a light smack to the back of his nephew's head.

"We're doing enough," Jess claimed, tugging on a box of books that needed to go in Rory's trunk.

"Are you going to fit everything in your apartment?" Luke asked, still unsure as to why they hadn't just given in to the moving truck.

"It's big," Rory said. "And we're not having the furniture delivered until tomorrow."

"You don't have furniture?" Luke deadpanned.

"Well, uh." Jess smoothed back his hair.

"We have appliances," Rory supplied. "They were included."

"And a counter," Jess assisted.

"And bathroom…stuff," Rory added, grasping on straws.

"Do you have a bed?" Luke prompted, crossing his arms.

"After tomorrow we will," Jess said weakly.

"A couch?"

"Tomorrow."

"Table?"

"Tomorrow," Jess answered again.

"So you don't have anywhere to sit, eat, or sleep?"

"We will tomorrow," Jess reminded him again.

"Yeah. Heard you the last few times," Luke grumbled.

"Indians sleep on the floor," Lorelai piped up from the background.

"No, they don't. They're all rich from their stupid casinos," Luke argued. "Where are you going to sleep?"

"On the floor," Rory admitted, hanging her head.

"But only until tomorrow!" Jess exclaimed. "We _have_ furniture."

"So why are you moving in today?" Luke asked.

"Because Rory has to go into the office tomorrow," Jess answered slowly.

"It wasn't my idea to sleep on the floor," she cut in. "You could have moved the date for the furniture delivery, but you didn't want to."

Jess threw his hands in the air. "Good. Fight with me right before we leave." Jess walked off and carelessly tossed another box in Rory's trunk.

"Hey! Those are my first editions!" she protested, scurrying off to further argue with Jess.

Luke shook his head and started loading duffel bags of clothing and toiletries into the backseat. The small used car had been one of the only other purchases Jess had made unrelated to the apartment and its furnishings. Since he had totaled the only nice car he had ever owned, Luke had noticed that Jess spent less time obsessing about a crack in the paint or even the yellow pollen staining various areas of the exterior. Sure, he kept up with the necessary parts of the car like the oil and the tires, but Jess had lost all trace of vanity when it came to that car.

"Thanks for you help," Jess said, coming up behind Luke and interrupting his thoughts.

"Don't be a stranger, okay?" Luke demanded.

"Left my favorite Metallica shirt here. I'll be back," Jess promised.

He really had been serious about leaving some of his things at Luke's apartment. He knew that the little apartment above the diner could possibly always be considered home for his nephew, no matter where he lived.

"I'll see you around, kid." Luke engulfed Jess in a manly parting embrace and patted him on the back. "I'm a phone call away," Luke reminded him. "And take your meds."

Jess rolled his eyes. "Yes, Uncle Luke."

"I worry about you," Luke said seriously.

Jess himself took on a more serious nature with seeing his uncle's expression harden. "I know," Jess said. "I'll call or something," he said, twisting his lips. "And thanks, Luke."

"For what?"

"You know. For everything. Taking me in, paying my bills, looking after me."

"You're family," Luke reminded him.

"I know. But thanks."

Rory broke away from Lorelai and interrupted the two men. "All set?" she asked lightly.

"Yeah. I'll call you when we get there," Jess promised Luke. He turned back to Rory. "This is it." Smiling, he leaned against the car and ran his fingers down her bare arm. "Let's go."


	22. Good Enough is Good Enough

I hope everyone is enjoying the new updates. This chapter is chock full of Jess angst, which I know will please ShaolinQueen. Never fear, it seems as if issue resolve themselves around Rory and Jess. Also, there's a bit of a time warp in this chapter so I can avoid boring filler chapters. You'll see how far along we get. Keep reading and reviewing. You guys make me so happy with your feedback. : )

Thanks for the reviews on chapter twenty-one: ShaolinQueen, Loridhhp, aqiran, DiehardJavaJunkie14, Curley-Q, That Don't Make me a Bad Guy, lexi, and mizskitles220.

Disclaimer: I manipulate main characters too much. It's a good thing I don't own them.

* * *

_The seasons change...  
I was the summer to your heart  
the winter lured you away more than once, now I know..._

**Good Enough is Good Enough**

Rory swept the hair off her face and pulled it into a tight bun at the nape of her neck. Jess had gone grocery shopping while she was nearing home and had yet to return with the week's purchases. Slipping into sweatpants, Rory tossed her work clothes into the laundry hamper across the room. She had work to finish at home tonight and had a tight deadline that would not allow her to sleep for at least a few hours later than usual.

It had been hectic moving in and adjusting to new surroundings. Rory had never lived anywhere but Stars Hollow and New Haven for college. It was a new experience for her to be in another place even though she was still in Connecticut. Jess, on the other hand, had lived in New York and California in addition to living in Connecticut. It was not a new thing for him to move and change surroundings, as he had done it all his life. When his mother decided it was time to pack up and leave, it was time to pack up and leave. Jess had learned to not scorn the change, but he had accustomed himself to not staying in one place for too long.

Settling down at her laptop, Rory propped her chin against her palm and waited for the portable machine to start. It had been a long, hectic day at the office and she wasn't in the mood to continue doing work. She heard the key turn in the lock and looked up as Jess started to drag the shopping bags in from the hallway.

"Do you need some help?" she asked, anxious to take a break from her job, even if it was just to put away the milk.

"Sure," Jess said as he struggled with the door. "You can take the cabinet bags," he said, gently kicking the brown paper shopping bags with his foot. "How was work?"

"Long," Rory grumbled, reaching into the bag for a box of cereal. "I keep getting assignments that aren't all that important but are so tedious and take so long to research."

"You brought work home again, didn't you?" Jess asked, closing the refrigerator.

Rory bit her lip. "Yeah. I need to get this done by Friday and I feel like I'm behind already."

As Jess rearranged some items on a shelf in the refrigerator, he located a beer. Pulling back the tab, he leaned against the stool by the kitchen counter and watched the door slam. "You like it there, don't you?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. I mean, it's okay for a first job. I just didn't expect to be doing all the grunt work." Rory pulled a couple of cans out of the bag and let them rest on the counter.

"It's hard going from editor to staff again," Jess pointed out. "Remember when Paris used to boss you around?"

"You're right," Rory said. "It's hard not being the one in control anymore. I guess I'll get used to it." She grabbed the cans off the counter and pulled open the cabinet.

"I just wish you could get a night off before I start classes again," Jess pointed out. "I'm going to pretty busy with everything I've signed on to do." He sighed. Sciences had not exactly been what he excelled at in high school, but then again, he didn't exactly apply himself in high school. Community college had thrown a general science for the arts course at him, and he had done fairly well for not having a science background. There was no excuse if he couldn't excel in his field.

Rory nodded. "I know. You have biology, chemistry, psychology, and that literature class you used your remaining credits for." Due to his prior courses at community college, Jess no longer had to take English composition or history classes.

"And that entry level calculus class," Jess reminded Rory as he sipped the can of beer.

"Math is not my friend," she said with a shudder. "Good luck with that one."

Jess laughed. "I can't remember the last time I even took a math class," he said, yanking the door handle. He pulled out the remaining jug of orange juice from the last bag, settled it on the door, and closed the refrigerator. "You want some coffee while you work on that?" Jess asked. "I'm sure you need to get back to work."

"Yeah," she said, grabbing a Twix candy bar from the drawer next to the silverware. "That sounds good."

"And burgers tonight?" Jess asked.

"With curly fries and onions rings?" she asked hopefully.

Jess pulled open the freezer door. "With curly fries and onion rings," he confirmed as it slammed shut.

* * *

The summer turned to autumn and the leaves fell from the trees. The breeze turned a crisper cold as the season changed. Jess awoke early to leave for his classes, brewing a pot of coffee that Rory would drink an hour after he left. They had settled into a routine that continued for the weeks ahead of them.

Until Rory started spending her nights at the office instead of in the living room. Jess would wait for her some nights until the clock nagged at him to fall asleep, for he needed to be awake as the sun rose and there was no telling when Rory would return. She would come home in the cloak of darkness, long after the sun had set and dinner had been eaten.

He had become suspect that Rory did not just work when she was away late at night, as there was one night he awoke to use the bathroom as she organized notes on the couch. After kissing her, he had realized the slight aftertaste of alcohol that had touched his senses. Though he failed to bring up how much his disliked her distance, Jess bit his tongue and continued to eat dinner alone most nights.

Some nights, the distance bothered him so much that he was willing to bite the bullet and complain that she was never home and that they barely ended up sleeping together anymore. She would wander in, change into pajamas, and slide under the covers. Usually, she would give him a kiss on the cheek, but nothing more. That was what happened most nights when his gentle snoring already filled the small bedroom and there was nothing else she could do.

Jess tapped his pen against his chemistry textbook as he mulled over ionic compounds. Rory's things were spread out on the coffee table as she sat with her laptop. "I feel like we haven't done this in a long time," Jess said, flipping the page in his textbook.

Rory looked up from her computer. "Done what?" she asked.

"You're never home," Jess pointed out sadly.

"I'm working."

"You're home so late," Jess said, hoping to turn up reasons for her not to come home at night.

"I'm working late."

Jess sighed and turned back to his chemistry homework. His stack of books provided enough work for the rest of the night, and he knew they would be sitting in the living room through awkward silence for hours.

* * *

September turned to October and then November, reminding the young couple of the holidays that were fast approaching. Jess scurried to finish his semester, which would end a week and a half after Thanksgiving. They were going home for Thanksgiving, a promise that had been made to both adults. Jess had tried to keep the other promise he had made to Luke, the promise of coming home on weekends in which he would work in the diner and keep the older man company. After classes had been in full swing, Jess realized he couldn't spend that much time away from his work. Luke complied, knowing that this was something Jess had to do, though, besides Rory, their relationship would come as a close second.

It was two weeks before Thanksgiving when Jess realized how long it had been since he and Rory had interacted for longer than a brief meal or television show. "You cut your hair," he noted, wondering how long it had taken for him to process this fact.

"Yeah," Rory said. "About two or three weeks ago." She shuffled a few papers around on the kitchen table and reached for her coffee cup, spilling the hot liquid everywhere. "Shit," she cursed, pulling as many lined pages and handouts away from the mess as possible.

Jess leaned over to help her, but not before her hand swatted him away. "Okay," he snapped in frustration, turning back to the textbook on the counter.

She was overall frustrated and was at the end of her rope. Nothing seemed to fit in her articles until she reworked them countless times. Rory had given up the promises of a romance and anything to fulfill needs she may have had outside of work.

He was gaunt and overworked from all the running around he needed to do for school. His resources were drying up and he had become impatient and tired. He had stopped questioning in his mind what Rory did at the office. Quite possibly, he had simply stopped caring.

The fallen leaves turned to fallen snow as the season changed once more. As his finals tapered off into the prospect of a break, Jess wondered when Rory would stop working herself dry. Again, he rudely noticed how long it had been since they had engaged in any form of interaction. "Why are you still here?" Rory asked, pulling the coffee pot off the burner. As usual, her coffee mug sat next to the pot where Jess left it for her every morning.

"The semester's over," Jess reminded her, hoping that she would have remembered that from a conversation they had over pizza one evening.

"Oh, yeah. That time of year again." Rory sipped the coffee and grabbed her usual section of the newspaper. She had become oddly quiet over the last couple of months, and Jess had yet to question that change as well.

"We should think about getting a tree," Jess said, looking up from his book.

"Tree. Yeah."

Jess sighed and pulled the newspaper away from Rory.

"What?" she snapped, glaring at Jess.

"We haven't had a proper conversation for months and all you can say is _what_?" he growled, throwing the paper across the counter.

It took a lot to get Jess truly angry, but Rory had finally done it. Down the hall, snippets such as: "Of course my job is a priority! Where do you think we're getting the money to live here?!" and "Stop pretending like you don't have any time for me!" could be heard as clear as day.

But, by the end of the night, Rory was curled up in bed next to Jess, where he slept soundly. So soundly, in fact, that he didn't even notice when she disappeared from their room and from their apartment. He suspected that she left in the middle of the night from time to time, as he would wake up without her next to him when she was there at the beginning of the night. That was something else Jess had failed to bring up, but the issue would rear its ugly head soon enough.

"Where do you go?" Jess hollered, his voice vibrating through the kitchen.

"Where do you go?" he demanded again as she failed to answer him.

"_Where do you go?!"_

She would "go to the lounge," she claimed between tears. He was yelling, and she had been crafty enough in the past to escape the yelling. Her job had helped her grow another skin, a thick skin, and she had been protected from angry Jess during her long nights at the office. In her mind, Rory knew she needed to communicate with Jess. It had been so long that neither of them knew how to live with each other anymore. It had become difficult to share a living space when the two inhabitants no longer even ate at the same location in their apartment on some nights.

"Talk to me!" he yelled, tears stinging his own eyes. He was losing her, and he could feel it. Half the time, Jess didn't even know if he would wake up with her still living with him. Sometimes, he wondered if she would bother coming home.

As her eyes met his, she realized how far they had come, together and apart, and how she had thoughtlessly abandoned all hope in him.

And by the end of the week, there were no more arguments. But there was a tree.


	23. In The Morning

Wow. I'm going to be honest; I really didn't expect to update this story right now. I guess I was really getting into the swing of updating and getting reviews while wrapping up Diamonds and Rust and decided this one needed my attention. This was a really difficult chapter to write, and you'll see why as you read. Don't worry too much. There's a master plan to everything here, and I've already written the ending. I won't spoil it for you, but I think you're really going to like how everything ends up. I think there are three or four more chapters, so enjoy it while it lasts and don't forget to review!

Disclaimer: Jeez. The way I yank everyone around, it's a good thing I don't own the rights to _any_ television shows.

* * *

_I'll tell you something:__  
__A few more hours,__  
__I'll turn away and won't be found.__  
__All your dreaming,__ y__our wish is falling.__  
__I'm going away to someplace.__  
__I'm searching; need some time__ t__o see what I can find._

_I know what I was__ a__nd I can see it.__  
__I've been along this road before.__  
__I can't remember__. __I need an answer.__  
__And yesterday is over.__  
__Now, I'm chasing all the way the time.__  
__Ties, wounded memories__ t__hat tell what I feel._

* * *

**In The Morning**

The holidays passed as swiftly as they arrived, leaving Rory and Jess exactly where they had started. After they returned from Christmas in Stars Hollow, which was surprisingly tame, they began coexisting as they had before. Rory continued her long nights of work and Jess was growing tired of his own minimum wage job. They would occasionally butt heads, but they didn't see each other enough to constantly argue.

It actually seemed like they were finally settling into a routine that Jess could get used to, one where he actually saw Rory more than a couple times a week and didn't have to sleep alone for a majority of nights. In fact, Jess was so happy to have Rory back in a way that he felt he had lost her that he almost willing to forget about the last couple of months.

Even though it appeared to Jess that he was getting Rory back and regaining her trust, even if he didn't think he had lost it to begin with, it seemed that Rory was still functioning at an arm's length away. There were still nights where Rory would spend most the of evening working on a particular project rather than going to bed with Jess, but there were also plenty of nights they spent together in bed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes having sex.

He wanted to feel closer to Rory, which was probably why he kept thinking of what to do that would keep her in his life. Jess had never succumbed to such rash thinking and he chalked it up to not living with Luke anymore. Even though she seemed more nervous in general, it was probably due to her harsh work environment.

They had just gotten home from dinner one night, the prelude to what Jess had in store for Rory. He didn't even bother taking off his leather jacket as he approached her. "I've been thinking about our situation, and I'm not sure I like the way we've been living together," Jess said as they settled into the living room, his whole intention to give off the air of mystery.

"What?" Rory asked, shocked.

"No. Nothing bad. I was just thinking of, you know, a new level to our relationship."

"Oh," Rory answered.

"Well, what I meant was," Jess paused to pull out a box from his jacket, "will you marry me?" he asked, cracking open the ring box. He was met with silence as a response from Rory. "I know it feels like a rash decision, but it just seems right, seeing what we've been through and all, you know?" He waited for an answer, or even an acknowledgement, and was growing more doubtful by the minute.

Rory stared at the diamond gleaming up at her and looked back at Jess. Her eyes were shifty and her posture showed off her nerves. "I slept with my editor," she blurted out.

Slamming the black velvet box shut, Jess stood and started for the door.

"Jess, wait!" she called, flying out of her seat. She lurched forward and grabbed his wrist.

You don't get to have a say," he growled, his eyes flaming.

"Let me explain," she said anxiously.

"No!" he roared, ripping his arm free. "You've treated me like shit for the past few months and I took it!" Jess flung the door open. "Don't bother with explanations, because I don't fucking care!" The door slammed shut and Rory's eyes waltzed around their apartment, examining their joint items. When the full repercussions of her actions finally barreled at her, Rory flung herself on the sofa and sobbed.

* * *

The car could not peel away fast enough as Jess threw it into gear. He had next to nothing of his in the car and knew he would need to go back to the apartment to collect books and other possessions. There was one place he needed to go now - and that was Stars Hollow.

By the time Jess arrived at the diner, the lights were off and he knew Luke was probably upstairs. He used his key for the front door, but knew the office door would be left unlocked. He hoped Luke had chosen that night to stay with Lorelai, but he had not.

"Jess! What are you doing here?" Luke asked as soon as the door flung open.

"Getting some stuff," Jess answered briefly. There was only a matter of time before Rory caught her balance and realized she needed to drive over to Stars Hollow as well.

"Why?" Luke asked. "What's wrong?"

"Asked Rory to marry me," he said.

"What?" Luke exclaimed.

"Yeah." Jess dug the box out of his jacket pocket.

"What did she say?"

Jess tossed the box to Luke. "That she was fucking her boss."

The ring glimmered inside the black felt box as Luke pushed up the cover. "She what?" Luke asked, shocked.

"Yeah," Jess said, throwing more clothes from his dresser into an overnight bag. He was pleased with himself for leaving so many things at Luke's apartment. "So I had to get out of there."

Luke closed the ring box with a snap. "You just left?"

"She tried to stop me, but I just couldn't… I just walked out and left." Jess slammed his dresser drawer.

"Do you have your meds?" Luke asked gently, not wanting to upset his already disgruntled nephew.

"No," Jess said. He reconsidered and dug in his leather jacket to produce the pill case. "It's filled until Sunday," he corrected, slipping it back into his pocket.

"You need those pills," Luke said.

"I'll get more." Jess skipped a beat. "I have to go," he said, throwing a row of paperbacks into the top of his bag before zipping it.

"Wait." Luke stood up and grabbed a card from the bookshelf. "Listen, I never knew how to tell you this, but your dad left you some money."

Jess nearly collapsed on the bed. He didn't think his legs were strong enough to hold him up. "What?"

"Yeah, it's like fifteen thousand dollars and I didn't know how to tell you."

Jess tried to hold in his anger at the glimpse of the account.

"The info is all in there. I thought you…I thought you might need some help."

"Yeah, I do." Jess shoved the envelope into his jacket. "Any other time, I'd be really pissed off at you."

"I know," Luke said.

"I'm returning the ring," Jess said, unzipping the bag to tuck the ring box into a compartment in the duffel bag.

"Where are you going?" Luke asked suddenly.

Jess wanted Luke to be in the know, but he was marrying Lorelai, and as Rory's mother, she could help her daughter find him. He needed to get away where no one would be able to find him. No one. Not even Luke. "I don't know," he lied.

"You could just stay here," Luke suggested, already knowing that Jess would turn him down.

"No." Jess shook his head. "I can't."

Luke nodded. "I understand."

Jess hugged his uncle and Luke added an extra pat on his back. "She'll be here soon," he reasoned "I have to leave."

"Call me," Luke ordered. "I want to know that you're safe."

Jess nodded. "I will." He flashed a hasty wave as he opened the door and disappeared into the night with the rest of his belongings.

Not even an hour later, Rory showed up at Luke's apartment. When he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was her tear stained, make up smeared face. The first thing she noticed was the disarray of Jess's side of the apartment.

"He's already gone," Luke said coldly, keeping Rory confined to the doorway.

"Where did he go?" she asked, not sure she could keep the chase going all night.

"I don't know," Luke said. "He didn't tell me."

Rory sighed and backed away. "I should go."

"Yes, you should."

She looked up at Luke with glistening tears in her eyes.

"You're the one who blew it," Luke said, always the voice of reason.

"Luke, I…" She twisted her hands, eyes darting around the apartment in order to avoid direct contact with him.

Luke shook his head. "I don't want to hear it right now either." Not waiting for another response, Luke shut the door and turned the lock for the first time in years. He may have loved Rory, but Jess was the one in need and he was on his side.

* * *

Rory tugged at the zipper of her bridesmaid dress in the fitting room. It was a long zipper that started at the small of her back and stopped right at her shoulder blades.

"Mom," she called from behind the curtain. She peeked out at Lorelai, who was slouching in a chair outside the dressing room.

"Need help?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah." Rory stepped out of the dressing room and let Lorelai tug at the zipper. "It's the angle. I can't get it up my back."

Lorelai viewed the back of the dress before trying to pull the sides together. "Suck in," she ordered, grasping the material. The dress had been fine during the first fitting. It just needed to be hemmed a few inches. Now, it looked like the dress was almost two sizes too small. For good measure, Lorelai tugged the zipper. "This doesn't fit, sweets," Lorelai said, patting her daughter on the back.

"What do you mean it doesn't fit?" Rory asked, holding the back of her dress.

"It's too small," Lorelai said. "It looks like it needs to be taken out."

"Okay," Rory said reluctantly, escaping back into the dressing room.

She emerged fully clothed and they parted ways outside after making another appointment because Rory swore she was bloated in anticipation of her period.

But Rory knew it wasn't her period. In fact, she was afraid of it being the exact opposite. She sat in the aisle with the pregnancy tests, unsure of which to buy. In her moment of panic, Rory grabbed a box from each brand and shoved them into her shopping basket. Wordlessly, she paid with her card while hoping the cashier wouldn't say anything.

She sat on the bathroom floor as each pregnancy test developed a positive cross on the little screen. She double-checked all the tests before curling up on the bathroom tile, crying.

* * *

It had been almost two weeks since Jess had bolted and Luke had only heard from him once. When Jess arrived where he needed to be, he called Luke to let him know that he was safe, as promised, nothing more, nothing less. Luke didn't want to badger Jess. As long as he knew his nephew was somewhere safe and not sleeping in his car, he would accept whatever Jess wanted to share with him.

But, as expected, Jess did not share much of anything and Luke had yet to hear from him again.

He was going over some receipts at the kitchen table when the phone rang. He jumped up to see if it was Jess, but noticed an unfamiliar number on the caller ID on his handset. Silently, he waited until the answering machine kicked in and listened for a message.

"Hi, Jess. This is Dr. Madison. I'm sorry to bother you at home, but I can't reach you at your main number and you've missed your last two appointments. Give the offices a call back. Perhaps there's been a misunderstanding-"

"Hello?" Luke asked, almost dropping the phone from picking it up so quickly.

"Oh, hello," Dr. Madison answered. "This isn't Jess."

"It's Luke," he said. "Luke Danes."

"Oh, hello, Luke," she said, mildly confused.

"Jess isn't here," he stammered.

"I gathered that much," she said.

"And I don't know where he is," Luke added. "What kind of appointment has he missed?"

"I'm his psychologist," Dr. Madison said.

"Psychologist?" Luke questioned. "But Jess has never been to a psychologist before."

"He's been seeing me for some time now," she said. "Since earlier this year."

"Oh," Luke said. Jess had obviously forgotten to dot some i's and cross some t's when it came to how he was feeling. "He never told me."

Dr. Madison was a silent for a moment. "Should I cancel his appointment for this week?" she finally asked.

"He asked his girlfriend to marry him and then he took off. That was almost two weeks ago," Luke said. "I haven't seen or heard from him since."

"I'll cancel next week too," she said. "Tell him to call if you get a hold of him?"

Because the first thing he was going to do was tell Jess his psychologist called. "Okay," Luke agreed numbly, before setting down the phone.

After a few minutes of staring at his accounting sheet, Luke gave up trying to get any work done. On the odd chance that he would actually answer or even have his phone turned on, Luke mindlessly dialed Jess's number. It rang twice before sending him to voicemail. Luke didn't bother leaving a message, but he wondered if he should call back just to leave one. He didn't want to pry or intrude, but he was worried and he liked to think Jess would call him back if only to give him peace of mind. He decided that he could try calling Jess at another time and leave him a message then.

* * *

Rory had yet to tell Lorelai about the pregnancy test. She had already confirmed it with her doctor and he informed her that she was almost eight weeks pregnant. Rory had panicked upon hearing the news that she was eight weeks along. At that point, she couldn't positively say who fathered the child. She wasn't even sure she wanted to find out. One thing was for sure, though, she did need to tell Lorelai, no matter how scared she was for her mother's response.

"I'm pregnant," Rory said, after being prompted a couple of times.

Lorelai paused. "Pregnant," she repeated.

"Pregnant," Rory said, nodding nervously. She hoped Lorelai would say something else, possibly even something comforting.

"Whose kid is it?" Lorelai asked, her voice taking on a scolding tone.

Rory paused. She didn't want to disappoint her mother, but she didn't have an honest answer for her, or really an answer at all, to be frank.

"Is it Jess's kid?" Lorelai demanded.

Rory tried to play with her shoe under the table. Her heel clicked mindlessly against the linoleum tile. How was she supposed to tell her mother that she didn't know if Jess had fathered the baby or if her editor, the man she had cheated on Jess with, had fathered her baby? There wasn't enough courage in the world that could get her to tell her mother that.

"You don't even know whose baby it is," Lorelai guessed. "I should have known."

"Mom!" Rory squeaked, getting up from her chair as soon as Lorelai tried to leave the room.

"Rory, do you even realize how big a deal this is?" Lorelai asked. "Because I don't think you do."

"I know it is," Rory said. "I wish I had a better answer."

"Yeah, so do I," Lorelai said. "But now you need to figure out whose baby this is. You're going to need to get a paternity test done, and, in case you didn't realize it, Jess is nowhere to be found."

Rory really didn't think that a child would make all that much of a difference, considering the circumstances, but she started to wonder what would happen if it was his.

"And I guess we need to get you a different dress," Lorelai said.

Rory bit her lip. The wedding.

"Because no matter how unhappy I am about your recent choices, you're still my daughter, and I still love you. You're still going to need to be in the wedding."

Rory nodded. Lorelai didn't sound quite as sincere as she had hoped, but it was a step. After all, everything that had happened in the last couple of weeks was sure to be pulling apart Lorelai and Luke. She hadn't even wanted to step foot in the diner for coffee on the two occasions that she had driven up to Stars Hollow. Rory wasn't even sure she could face Luke again, especially with how cold and unforgiving he had been when he told her to leave.

"Which means you're going to need to see Jess at least during that one time," Lorelai reminded her. "I think you owe him that much."

"What if the baby isn't his?" Rory asked sincerely, looking up at her mother. It was the first time she had really sat back and thought about those consequences. She attempted to link together what would happen if Jess hadn't fathered her baby, but she kept coming up blank.

Lorelai sighed, unsure of how to deal with issue as it lingered over them like an unwanted black cloud. "I guess you'll have to cross that road when you come to it," she said honestly.


	24. Apologize

Whew. This was the hardest chapter to write! Depending on what I can do to fill in the gaps, the next chapter may be the last. If there's anything you want to see, let me know when you review.

I feel like Luke's words are really justified in this chapter. He has spent weeks trying to keep a neutral stand, but one person can only do so much. This is very much a Luke and Rory oriented chapter, which is probably why it took so long to write.

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

* * *

**Apologize**

"You do realize you're going to have to interact with Rory during the rest of the wedding plans?" Lorelai asked as she sipped her coffee.

Luke grumbled under his breath and continued slamming things around behind the counter.

"And after we get married, you're going to be her stepfather," she pointed out.

"Yeah. I realize that," Luke snapped, unplugging the toaster and shoving it off to the side.

Lorelai sighed. "I don't like what happened either," she said. "But she's my daughter."

"But not mine," Luke said. "Which means I don't have this constant need for love and affection. It also means that I don't need to forgive her in the drop of a hat."

"So you're never going to forgive her?" Lorelai asked.

"Forgive is a heavy word."

Lorelai sighed. "She made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes," she said.

"This was not a mistake," Luke argued. "She knew exactly what she was doing. Don't even deny that this was coming. I saw it coming. I just wasn't in a position to say anything."

Grimacing, Lorelai reached for her cup. "You're not acting like yourself lately," she pointed out.

"And neither would you in my situation. I can't get a hold of Jess and I don't even know where he is right now."

"Jess is fine," Lorelai said, trying to be reassuring.

"And how do you know that?" Luke asked. "You know he changed his life for her. Look where it got him."

"I just wish you would go easier on her," Lorelai said. "I know this is a strange predicament we're in, but I just don't know if I can marry someone who hates my daughter."

"I don't hate Rory," Luke said. "It's just…it's just going to take time, okay? I just have this inbred need to protect Jess."

"Because at this point he's like your kid. I got it," Lorelai said. "But Jess will move on. It might take a bit, but he will. He'll find a nice girl that deserves him and he'll get past this."

"I guess you're right," Luke admitted. "I just don't know. I need more time. I can't have everything go back to normal right away. It doesn't work that way."

"And would you be okay with Rory meeting me here then?" Lorelai asked.

Luke scowled. "I guess. But I don't know if I want to talk to her," he said.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't be accountable for everything I want to say," Luke said.

"So don't say anything," Lorelai suggested. "You don't usually have a problem with that."

Luke shrugged and busied himself with cleaning off tables. Lorelai checked the time to see if Rory was running late. She said she had some errands to run but that she would be there by the time Luke closed.

Lorelai had made the decision not to tell Luke that Rory was pregnant. At this point, there was no telling what he would do had he found out that simple piece of information. She advised Rory not to say anything until they could get a paternity test done. If Jess had fathered the baby, the blow would be a lot less forceful than if she was pregnant with someone else's kid.

When Rory showed up, she smiled shyly and sat next to Lorelai at the counter. Luke finished up the cleaning he had been doing and walked back over to the counter.

Nervously, Rory smoothed her dress over her stomach and tried to avoid eye contact with Luke. She could tell he wasn't entirely comfortable with this meeting either.

"Rory, you want coffee?" he asked gruffly, finally breaking the silence.

"Oh, no," she said quickly before he could pour any in a cup. "No coffee."

"No coffee," he deadpanned and put the pot back on the burner.

She shook her head and lowered her eyes. Rory didn't even know what to say to Luke or even where to start. "Because I'm pregnant."

The entire diner filled with an awkward silence. Lorelai looked over at Rory, shocked that she would choose this moment to tell Luke she was with child.

"If it isn't Jess's kid, then get out," Luke said harshly.

"But, Luke…I - "

"Whose baby is it?" he demanded.

"Luke…"

"Whose baby is it?" he asked, louder and harsher this time.

"Luke!" Lorelai protested, trying to end the argument before anything could happen.

"I don't know!" she admitted, tears welling in her eyes. She should have known this was going to happen. Maybe she should have just waited for a paternity test like Lorelai told her to do the other day.

"Get out." Luke pointed to the door.

"Luke," she begged, sliding off the stool.

"Hey, Luke!" Lorelai shouted, interrupting him. "What happened to everything that we talked about earlier?"

He looked at his fiancée and said sternly, "Stay out of this, Lorelai."

Rory smoothed her dress across her abdomen and waited for Luke to say something, anything, else.

"Rory, you need to leave. I have nothing else to say to you right now. I can't have you sitting there like nothing happened," he said, trying to stay calm.

She didn't budge from her place by the counter.

"Rory, please!" he said, balling his fist until his knuckles turned white. "Don't make this harder."

"Fine," she said, grabbing her jacket and purse. "I'm sorry I ever needed to depend on you." She slammed the door to the diner as forcefully as possible.

"Thanks a lot," Lorelai said, grabbing her things and running out the door after her daughter. "Rory, wait!"

* * *

When Luke knocked on the door of the Gilmore residence an hour later, he was more nervous than he thought he should be. Lorelai opened the door and raised her eyebrow. "What do you want?" she asked, keeping him in the doorway.

"I just wanted to talk to Rory."

"Because that went over so well the last time?" she asked. "I don't think so."

Luke sighed. "I didn't mean to yell, okay? She just…caught me off guard. It's difficult to be sensible when you're angry to begin with and someone hits you with the news that they're pregnant and- "

Lorelai held her hand over Luke's mouth. "I got it," she said. "Now shut up before you start turning blue." She closed the door and let Luke inside the house. "She's in her bedroom. I'll let you in for a bit, even though my mothering instincts are telling me to keep you far away from her. Any sign of commotion, though," Lorelai trailed off.

"I'm gone," Luke promised.

She smiled sourly and walked away as Luke knocked on Rory's door. "Rory? It's Luke," he said, cracking open the door.

"Go away." Her voice was muffled against the pillow, but Luke could still hear her.

He chose not to honor her request. "Can we talk?" he asked.

Hesitantly, Rory sat up and flicked on her lamp. Before she could grab her bathrobe, Luke noticed the swell against her stomach when her pajama pants and tank top separated. "What do you have to say to me?" she asked, sitting Indian style on her bed.

"I'm sorry," Luke started. "The words just came out because I was so angry." Rory nodded. "I didn't mean to insult you or hurt you, but that's what I did and I'm sorry."

"I thought about getting an abortion," Rory said, cutting him off. "You know, if it wasn't his. But I have to wait until ten weeks to get a paternity test, and by then it kind of looks like a baby."

Luke nodded, not sure where Rory was going with this. But it was the most levelheaded conversation he had been able to have with her since Jess left. Part of him thought he was betraying Jess just by sitting with her, but he knew it was what he would have wanted had he contacted him.

"I don't know what happened," Rory admitted. "Everything just seemed to be going wrong and then…then I was working a lot and it just happened."

Luke nodded and fought the urge to interrupt.

"I don't know why," Rory said. "And then I couldn't say anything to Jess and I was hoping it would just blow over, but I just felt so guilty because it was eating me up inside. So when he proposed, it just came out. And I would have had to tell him eventually, but I just couldn't deal with it anymore."

Luke shook his head. "I don't want to know any more," he said.

"Okay."

"It would be better if you let me talk."

"Okay."

"Jess is my nephew and I've been through hell and back again dealing with everything that's been thrown at us. It's just a natural response for me to fight against whatever hurts him."

"And I hurt him."

"You hurt him so bad that he just took off and hasn't called me since. It bothers me more that he's missing and I think I took it out on you."

Rory nodded. "It's my fault."

"But I don't want to throw that in your face," Luke said gently. "You know you're like a daughter to me. Picking sides is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"I know."

"So can we try to get past this?" Luke asked.

She stared at him for a moment. "How can you ever get past the fact that I wrecked his life?"

Luke shook his head. "You didn't wreck his life. Eventually, Jess will come back and he'll get over it. He might even move on, you know."

"And what if it's his baby?" Rory asked.

Luke didn't even want to think about it. This was a question better suited for Lorelai. "I think only Jess can answer that," he said.

"Please don't tell him?" Rory asked softly. She knew that Luke would try to get right on the phone otherwise.

"I won't tell him," Luke promised. "But I think he's going to find out eventually."

"I know," Rory said. "It's just something I have to do on my own."

Luke nodded as Rory threw her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, Luke."

He sat there awkwardly hugging Rory with tears prickling his eyes. This was not supposed to be the end of the story.

* * *

"You've been here a lot, missy," Lorelai said, pouring Rory a glass of milk. "And it's not like I don't appreciate all this time you're spending here, but don't you have an apartment to pay rent on and a job?"

Rory bit the inside of her mouth.

"Or is there something you forgot to tell me?" Lorelai asked, setting down the carton of milk.

"Jess took his stuff," Rory said.

"When?"

"Late last week."

"Well, did he say anything to you?" Lorelai asked.

"No. He came and got everything when I was at work. There was nothing left when I got home," Rory said.

"Did he at least leave a note or something?"

"No. He just disappeared," she said, fixing her eyes on the glass of milk.

"So that explains the apartment situation, but what about your job?" Lorelai pressed, sitting at the kitchen table.

"He fired me when I asked him for the paternity test," Rory said shyly.

"Isn't that against the law?" Lorelai asked.

"It's okay. I hated it there anyway," she said. "Plus, how can I continue working there if it's his baby? I just couldn't."

"Is he at least going to help you out with the paternity test?" Lorelai asked. "I think it would make our lives easier if you knew whose baby you were carrying."

"I know. He promised to go through with the paternity test, but that was all."

Lorelai nodded. "Maybe it's better that you got out of there. Now I get to keep you here all to myself." She grinned, jumping up to get a refill on coffee. As long as she kept rolling with the punches, maybe she could cheer up Rory. "Hey, does Luke know Jess got his stuff from your apartment?" she asked, suddenly realizing that he hadn't mentioned anything.

"I don't think so," Rory said. "Luke said that he hadn't heard from Jess in long time."

"I wonder why," Lorelai said. "He would be in a much better mood if Jess would just call him."

"I know."

"Unless Luke's been talking to Jess and hasn't said anything to me," Lorelai mused.

"Well, it would be his business. I don't see why he should share if Jess instructs him not to."

"Do you think Jess would do that?" Lorelai asked, pausing at the coffee pot.

"Yeah. He's hiding," Rory said.

"Okay. Since you know him better."

"I do," Rory said. "I just wish I had been there when he showed up."

* * *

"Ugh. Stupid dress." Rory sighed and stopped tugging on the zipper. "Mom!"

Lorelai slid apart the curtain. "It doesn't fit?" Lorelai said, shocked. She grasped the sides of the material and tried to pull them together. "How big is that thing getting?"

"I don't know!" Rory said, panic rising in her voice as she matched her mother's tone.

"That thing either has a huge head or is going to be thirty pounds when you finally give birth," Lorelai joked, handing Rory another dress.

"Not funny," Rory said, stepping out of the gown. "I look really pregnant," she groaned.

"Well, you _are_ really pregnant."

"No, I'm not," Rory said. "I'm only four months pregnant, I should not be this big." She sighed and grabbed the dress she just hung up.

"I think that's the dress," Lorelai said. "I had her get it for me in a few sizes up so that it would fit when I actually get married."

"Thanks for the consideration," Rory snapped as she secured herself into the dress. "Mom, this is a maternity dress."

"Well, you _are _pregnant," Lorelai needlessly pointed out.

"Thanks, I didn't get the memo."

"But it looks nice," Lorelai said. "Your chest is going to get even bigger so the top will look great and the empire waist kind of tones down the noticeable bump from the spawn."

Rory scowled. She knew all that was true, but that was not how she wanted to look for her mother's wedding. "You know I'm going to be like two hundred pounds by the time you get married."

Lorelai laughed as Rory cracked her own smile. "Let me know if we have to air lift you in, okay?"


End file.
